packed with disconnection

Posted on by
6

detail edenIt’s been a pretty packed week.
I could say there has been just a little too much trad stuff for my liking, but I have seen God work in the situations and am aware of the missional opportunities of all situations.

Regular readers will have probably worked that out … as when I’m packed and stressed this blog doesn’t happen. I hate that because, as a missioner I seriously need time to reflect if I am able to engage in a relevant way. This week has had little reflection, little opportunity to think about what I am doing, and there is no one to blame other than myself! I hate that even more than not having time to reflect.

Life is so much easier when you have someone to blame! Normally I am organised and plan in advance, but this past week with two training events to deliver, baptisms, pastoral visits, school and prison chaplaincy I have found myself meeting and desk bound as I simply took my eye of the ball! I was not organised, or prepared and so feel pretty much that I have lost a week.

Not only have i lost a week, but I have felt disconnected  packed with no space, but disconnected in my busy-ness. As the week progressed I have merely sat before God, with no words, but presenting myself. Today I have found words of Ghandi that have brought a smile:

Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.

It’s an amazingly hard hitting quote. In weeks like this, I hope, I am relieved that God can see what is in my heart … a desperate desire to see this place transformed … and that desire does not need words …. it simply needs space.

 

like riding a bike! (phew)

Posted on by
Reply

Fresh ExpressionsIt’s been a long two days, and is some ways very tiring and draining, although I sit at my desk quite energised because of tonight. In my two previous roles before ordination I led, planned and delivered a lot of training events. Tonight I co-led the MSM course in my new day a week role of Assistant Missioner in the diocese’s Mission and Community Engagement Team (MACE).

This week I have been fairly nervous as the time has approached simply because it has been over 7 years since I delivered any real training. I wasn’t sure if I could still deliver training. I wondered if it would be like riding a bike, which comes back easily, or whether it would be more like my golf playing, which always get worse, and will be ridiculous now as it’s been years! I enjoyed tonight and the quick glance through the evaluations seem to indicate that Penny and myself delivered the session quite well. I like to think my return to training has been like riding a bike … a little wobble or two to start with before getting into peddling again.

Tonight was fun and the MSM course seems to be a really good engaging course to be part of … so if you are into mission and growing and leading a new church … then maybe you should download the course pdf flyer here and think about enrolling in the future. Now I’m part of MACE you can expect blatant and unashamed advertising!

Tonight I have remembered something more about my values and rediscovered something of  what I am gifted at doing, which has helped to reaffirm, after a tough couple of weeks, what I am called to do.

To the group tonight … thank you … you are pretty amazing to work with!

i remember …

Posted on by
Reply

perichoresisTwice this week I have had the fortune to visit Moot and meet up with Ian, as my mentor, and catch up with other Moot friends.

Last week 4 of us got together as Ordained Pioneer Ministers to talk about stuff … spiritual reflection, funding, publicising what we are doing … and other pioneer support stuff. This group has only met once and I already love being part of it. It is so refreshing to be part of a group that is innovative and creative. I cannot put into words the relief I feel knowing that in this group I will not have to explain, again, what a pioneer is, or correct a misunderstanding of what a pioneer is (no … we are not simply good parish priests that have a bit of extra time to play and create!)

It frustrates me that I have been ordained over 4 years as an OPM and still people don’t get it …… but I guess I am partly to blame in that I am not communicating it clearly enough!

This afternoon I was at Moot again as part of a group looking at  an Acknowledged Religious Community Discernment Group. This will be a group that is a resource and support to those going down the new monastic group. I think this group will be key and beneficial to the gathering should they choose to go this way. This kind of stuff excites me and I am really pleased to be part of something like this in its beginnings.

It was great to be able to join Moot for worship for a little bit before I had to rush off for the train (Weekend engineering works always happen on a  Sunday!!!) and I finished Moot Compline on the High Speed to Strood which raised an eyebrow or two!

These last few days with two visits to Moot have really reminded me what I am about, and what I feel is at the centre of me. This thing about intentional community, echoing the trinitarian community that is God, really grabs my gut, inspires me and encourages me to keep going. The perichoresis is what it’s all about for me!  (i’m not linking to anything … look it up!) It’s a worry how quickly I forget!

you don’t do a lot!

Posted on by
2

lg day4 007For the last few months I have been waiting again.

You’d think I’d be comfortable with waiting by now…I did a lot of waiting in Rochester, I’ve blogged a lot about waiting and I even wrote some IME essays on waiting. And do you know what …. even after all this time I still believe waiting is flipping hard! i want to ‘do’!

Some people tell me that God wishes to teach me lessons on patience; and I think they are trying to be humorous. Waiting bores me. Waiting frustrates me. Waiting forcibly stops me. Waiting causes me to question my identity. Waiting causes others to question what I am doing. Just today a manager of a cafe said ‘you don’t do a lot do you!’

He’s right … all I do is wait. Well I watch as well. I guess I also listen. I have noticed patterns of behaviour in different groups. I know where to find certain people at certain times. But, once again I ask ‘what am I waiting for?’ This time, however, I think I know. I know what to look for. I know what to listen to. I have a better understanding of signs that I am hoping to discover.

Waiting can be naff, boring, monotonous …. but waiting is so important. I have learned the importance of not side stepping this phase of mission. Yes it is true that waiting forcibly stops me … but it forcibly stops me from thinking I have understood this community too early and jumping with both feet into what seems a good thing to do, only to realise a little down the line that it’s the most ridiculous idea ever. Waiting means I can really hear and observe and check out what I think this community is saying.

If mission is joining in with what God is doing, and that’s a definition I certainly adhere to, then this time of observation spiced with a gritty tad of discernment is a time that must not be skimped on.

I have been brought back again and again to the words of John taylor in the classic ‘Primal Vision‘:

‘The Christian has nothing to offer unless he offers to be present, really and totally present, really and totally in the present. The failure of so many professional Christians has been that they are not all there.’

What I am learning from these incredible words of wisdom is that many of us do not have the patience, time or ability to ‘wait’ and in our waiting to be ‘totally present’. The only way to be totally present is to have time, and to have time it is important to make time. Too often we are planning the next step, thinking about the next agenda item, planning our response at the next meeting, or making plans for the place before we have listened, or understood, or heard.

I am learning that the wait, the listen, the contemplate are all as important as the action. The action will and must come, but the desire to jump, to feel good, to transfer ideas from other paces, to get going before we are ready … that must be resisted.

At the end of this month I will have waited for 5 months. 5 months of watching and waiting in Gillingham High Street has given me some interesting thoughts and introduced me to some deeply thoughtful people. I sense the time or season of waiting and watching in my particular case is about to give way to a season in which I will need to act. More on that at another time, and if things come together of course.

I’m excited! I also know, that even though waiting can be monotonous, if things do start to happen I may well be longing for the days of waiting and reflection to return!

So … here’s to still waiting, and listening, and watching and trying to understand … before taking the next step.

pub theo on the move

Posted on by
Reply

urlPub theo was kind of re-born last night. Maybe not so much re-born as starting to look for a new place. last night that place was The Canterbury Tales in Gillingham which people seemed to feel comfortable in and worked well for our discussion. (The beer was well kept and reasonably priced too!)

There was a lot of social catch up as this group have not really had a chance to catch up since November and the discussion was as diverse as ever, from random acts of kindness to the morality banks charging interest (interestingly Islamic banks don’t …) hell, commandments and so on. I think we also touched on gay mariage which seems to regularly be something people want to talk about.

All in all this was a good night. The only down side was we had planned a pub crawl theo, simply because we need to find a new pub in Gillingham and there are a number of options. The crap weather, however, meant that the overwhelming majority wanted to stay put. So … the next pub theo may be at The canterbury tales and may be elsewhere. Watch this space! Maybe we will become pop up pub theo …. try saying that after the third pint!

I did love the atmosphere last night though. The group seems to have gelled well and enjoys being with each other. two of our regular people were not there last night and we kind of missed them. I now need to wait a few more weeks for the highlight of my month, which is what the people of pub theo have become.

nothing more prized than friendship

Posted on by
3

url-1In this mornings daily office we remember Thomas Aquinas as well as read Hosea 3, which gives an amazing and shocking account of the amount of of love that God has for us. It’s an amazing read and probably a book we don’t delve into enough.

But back to Aquinas, because today the memory of Aquinas and what he sees as important have directed my prayers this morning. Quotes like:

‘there is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship’
‘friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious’
and, last one, …‘the things that we love tell us who we are’
Wow, that last one is quite hard hitting, as I think it has a good amount of reality and truth to it.

Today in my prayers I have thought about friends and realise how incredibly fortunate I am.  As I reflect I find it mazing that I am still in contact with some from my school days in Weymouth, that others whom I worked with at HT Nailsea, some 20 years ago now, still support me in my work. Friends from YFC who, despite me leaving 6 years ago, still regularly stay in touch and show their friendship in real and practical ways. Closer to home, friends of Rochester and those that have known me for decades in Gillingham show there support through practical support, encouragement and challenge … but it seems it is only very close friends that have the ability to challenge!

Today I have given thanks for and prayed for friends. As I have reflected I have become aware again how amazingly encouraging a phone call, text, email, card, letter …. can be. On some days things have appeared at just the right moment and so the level of encouragement is massively unmeasurable.

As well as valuing friends we have and giving thanks for them, this time of reflection has caused me to consider how good a friend I am. Contemplation is always double edged. So today I am challenged about how I show my value of friendships to others. I guess it’s fairly It’s easy to want to have good friends without being one. I am not sure that works in the long term.

Aquinas’ words are quite amazing. Here is one fo the greatest theologian of his time. Of all the things he could say that were valuable, such as belief, discipleship, care for the poor … and the list could be endless, but I would suggest a great theologian might want to suggest something faith-wise. But, he chooses friendship. I wonder if he got that from observing how Christ spent his time, or rather who he spent his time with, on earth?

So today I am considering, reflecting, contemplating … as well as giving thanks. Maybe there needs to be a belated resolution there as well about time with friends.

 

the real thing ….

Posted on by
Reply

urlPart of my role of being Priest Missioner of the Deanery means that I get around a few churches. Last week I was snowballed in St Mark’s while this week I presided and preached at the Eucharist and Healing service at St Mary Magdalene. 

My sermon came from the lectionary test for the day of Luke 4 : 14 – 21. As I have mulled this over during the week I think something new hit me, mainly that Christ seemed to be saying in these words that to receive from God you need to be aware that you have a need. If you believe you are all sorted and together and ‘near perfect’ then God cannot help.

I suggested that people outside church were not aware God was ‘for’ them because they had an idea that God, and church, was only for sorted and perfect and good people. I wondered whether this might be because quite a lot of us in church pretend that we are together and all right, rather than being honest about our fears, our struggles and our failings.

I wondered whether if we could be more real about the reality of our lives that people might be more genuinely interested in the God we follow? A God, that Jesus suggests in these words, are the underdogs, the struggling, the needy. I suggested the words of Jesus demanded this honesty and vulnerability and realness from us.

As I think about going out this week and meeting people again …. I simply continue to wonder as I try to be real with God, myself and others

feeling called?

Posted on by
2

god-the-motherI love jamie the worst missionary‘s blog.

She says a lot of stuff .. well .. just as it is!
She is honest about how things are which, to be frank, is quite unique and often refreshing to read.

Before Christmas she wrote under the title of ‘so you want to be a missionary’. She bluntly replies to the young people asking the question ‘get a job’ so that you learn what people in the real world have to do. I think that’s pretty sound advice.

Go read …

(I also think this was another hard hitting post)

i wish i could believe

Posted on by
4

meditateToday has been one of those ‘interesting’ days that I encounter now and again as a lonesome pioneer being around and available. It seemed that every place I went today I met someone with whom I had some connection and who wanted to talk or share something. It has certainly reminded me today how privileged I am to be doing what I do and the specialness of days like today.

Today people have shared stuff that has been deep and personal. People have shared concerns, dreams, hurts and struggles. People have shown interest in the idea of churches in accessible places where they would not feel out of place.

The most challenging and biting comment today was something like ‘I really wish I could believe in a God. It would give me some security in my life. I really wish I could believe but I can’t.’ With such an opportunity there are a variety of responses … to try and answer all the questions there and then in case you never ever meet again …. or to smile, talk a little, ask if you can come back again, and commit to keeping the conversation and contact going.

I sensed God saying the latter was appropriate here and that living as a Christian and modelling faith was going to be more helpful to the person than simple ‘proofs’ and apologetics. I think in this way I am trusting God with this person rathe than fooling myself into thinking I have all the answers.

I have come to see that it is very tempting, and quite easy, to answer questions that people are not asking and to ignore the ones that they are. We teach things like ‘God gave us two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we talk’ …. but I’m not sure that very valid teaching point has really embedded itself in our lives yet!

I think i’m being reminded again that I don’t control or decide what happens here … God does. My task, though, as I blogged here is to wonder about the next step …

an ordinary intimacy

Posted on by
Reply

marketAs I look back over the last week I find myself smiling at the variety of activities and reactions that I have been involved in.

The week started with a chapter meeting (a collection of local Anglican clergy and Church Army people for those who don’t understand weird CofE terminology) where Mark Beach, the Dean of Rochester, and ex-boss, came to talk about the relationship between deaneries, parishes and the cathedral. It reminded me how incredibly fortunate I was to have served my curacy at such an amazing place as well as feelings of jealousy over the fact that plans for the crypt and stuff which we have been speaking of for years are about to start. I am really looking forward to seeing the end result.

Tuesday was a day of contrasts, with me being in the prison in the morning  and then visiting our local MSM course in the evening. I have been invited to join the Mission and Community Engagement Department for a day a week, and some of that will involve me in helping to deliver the MSM course in the diocese. The course is held in the training suite of Bluewater, which is different, as was the journey to get there last Tuesday evening as the motorway was closed. The evening session was about teams and Jean and myself showed amazing team work as we used our knowledge of the Kent countryside to hop from village to village to find our way to our location. Well Jean shouted left right like a rally co-driver and I simply turned the wheel!

This led into the next day being a day of interesting emotions. Tom was 19 and it was his first birthday away from us, and reading his Facebook status showed us he was finding the separation as weird as we were. During the day I was chaplain at the school while  in the evening we licensed Richard England as the associate priest at St Marks, which was a good experience and fairly exciting as we look together as a team to see what God might have in store for us.

Thursday saw me planning with ministers at St Mary Magdalene Church (and I just realsied you can hear sermons from the church here) before driving off to Edenbridge to meet with Sister Diane, my spiritual director. I love Sister Diane’s outlook and patience. She listens and watches me and then it feels like she draws from this eternally deep well of spirituality and flicks droplets of amazing wisdom into my life which both refresh me and cause me to see things differently.

Friday is always a prison day. I deliberately do not write much about prison work here as I am not allowed to. I find the work moves me to tears on many days. I do not know what the alternative is, or even if there is one, but I struggle with the thoughts of a society that quietly accepts the fact that we lock away children. I do see, however, total dedication from the people working here to try and make a difference in these young peoples lives.

The weekend was pretty much taken over by snow …. even in the morning service at St Marks where I was pelted with snowballs from 3 children at the end of the service. That was a pretty unique and funny experience!

In addition I have spent time in cafes and pubs talking, or rather listening to lots of coversations and answering a fair few questions. It has been quite a busy old week!

So the reason for the run down of my week (if you are still with me) is two fold. One – I’ve been suffering from bit of a block recently and all the advice is just to write … anything …. and so if you have read then you have ‘suffered’.

The other reason … as I look back across the week I see the fingerprints of God. Not one experience above has an absence of God. God is not in some of those experiences above more than God is in other experiences. Despite what some worship leaders may say, none of these experiences above have resulted in me being further away from or closer to God; I may well actually have felt further away from or close to God, but I have not actually been so. God is here, right here living within creation. As the lectionary reading from 1 Corinthians 6 reminded us this morning …. we are part of Christ, the Holy Spirit lives within us … you can’t get any closer than that!

God in the ordinary everyday ‘stuff’ of life, an ordinary intimacy with the creator of the universe …. that’s pretty good news!