Category Archives: church

embarrassed … and more

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What can I say?
Along with many others, I feel a whole kaleidoscope of emotions following the vote of Synod yesterday.
I actually cried.
I genuinely felt sick.
Today those feelings do not seem to have relaxed much.
I feel pretty ’empty’.

Today I find myself totally embarrassed to be connected with the Church of England. Despite that embarrassment, I still love her, which kind of infuriates me. Maybe St. Augustine felt similar when he cried, ‘the church is a whore but she’s my mother!’

Today I have heard and read comments. The comments claimed the measure did not get through Synod (I can’t say wasn’t voted in … because the overall majority still voted yes!) due to alternative provision for those unable to accept a woman bishop. Yet … the ‘no’ speeches yesterday were, in my opinion, far more about the old arguments of male headship ….  nothing new from 20 years ago when I started Christian ministry. Surely we already dealt with that when the church correctly voted for women priests!

20 years and it seems we have gone backwards. Not only am I embarrassed but I believe the nation now sees the church as an embarrassment. As a clergy person in a pioneering role in a town with real people who can’t understand why we don’t have full inclusion already … I am concerned how this will effect the mission of the church. I fear the trust relationship we have with many will be lost …. no one wants to trust an embarrassment or a joke! That is clearly what we are. And, there will be consequences in that relationship in our communities.

There is a clear issue here that I do wish to voice. It’s fairly obvious to me that how Synod works needs to be addressed. If Synod members are truly representative, as in vote according to their electing diocese wishes, then this measure would have passed easily. If people were voting with integrity and following the wishes of those who elected them, then only the representatives of two dioceses should have voted no. It seems people have got elected and voted on personal grounds rather than acting as the representatives they should be. I struggle with that.

These people have deprived the church of God ordained female leadership ….. and you only need to look at the church to see that we are not functioning properly, due to that deprivation. Without an inclusive house of bishops we are incomplete.

But for now this gets us nowhere.
All we can do is pray.
In this season I find strength in the morning prayer canticle based on Isaiah 43:
‘I WILL make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert’

I pray, O Lord, that you make that way soon!

a licence to ….

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Last week I was licenced as Priest Missioner in the Gillingham Deanery. For me this was a special night as I was commissioned by Bishop James. The role I have been licenced for has taken a lot of work and discussion to get off the ground. Bishop James himself mentioned how complicated a licence it was to encompass all the different areas I am working in.  I’m really thankful for the people that have been working behind the scenes to get this off the ground.

It was very important to me personally to receive the bishop’s permission and backing for this work and incredibly encouraging to see so many friends and family members there to support me. I was genuinely so surprised to see so many people turn up.

Bishop James spoke from Isaiah 52 and spoke particularly about the role of the ‘watchman’ or ‘sentinel’ in verse 8. He spoke about how my role, and the role of the pioneer, was similar to the that of the watchman in Isaiah.

The watchman had a variety of roles. There was the role of guardian, watching over the walls and alerting those inside to what was happening outside. There was the role of looking out, to notice what was ‘out there’ and thinking through what an appropriate response would be to what had been observed. Bishop James implied the role could also be one of bridging, of being a person that linked quite well between the two … between those ‘inside the walls’ and those ‘outside’.

I have been playing round with these words and images in my mind over the last few days and have noticed some other words that further illustrate the watchman role. We could use, bouncer, chaperone, lookout, custodian, defender, shepherd. Although I can see how they are all valid; of them all the combination of guardian and look out probably resonate with me the most as I seek to notice, respond and then develop something that fits within the ‘walls’ of our orthodox faith.

Often it is not a comfortable place, but it is a place I am happy to be in for the time being…

wait … look … learn

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Mark Berry has started to blog again over at CMS community and mission.

I partcularly have liked his recent post, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic as I think many will find this helpful. As for me, personally, I had not thought of this defining part of our liturgy in terms of relationship. I am particularly struck by Mark’s definition of ‘apostolic’ as being ‘about our relationship with context, with the world and with God’s KIngdom in it’.

I think that hits it on the head for me. Relationships take time and a relationship with our context, the communities we find ourselves in, possibly take longer to develop, than a relationship with another human being. Getting to know one person, to understand what makes them tick, to earn trust and to trust can take an age. How much longer with a whole community of lots of persons responding and relating to each other?

It takes a lot of patience and time to really listen and to learn from the place we find ourselves in. I think it takes a commitment and a vulnerability of great cost which you are not really aware of until it hits you. That costs is a cost of time, a cost of reputation,  a cost of misunderstanding and sometimes, as I speak from personal experience, a cost of (losing) friendships. But it is worth it.

I shudder at quick fix solutions. Over the last four years I have had many conversations and people have seemingly been looking for quick fix ‘secrets’. But there are none. If we are really going to ‘reach’ people with the gospel we cannot expect a quick fix one size ‘something’ to be right for every person in every community. One size does not fit all, we do not all need or want exactly the same thing, despite what many advertisers try to tell us! But … it is easier to take something ‘off the shelf’ or use something you have seen working down the road and get instant results than it is to simply wait, look and learn.

But …. as apostles … as those looking to build relationships with our context … waiting, looking and learning is all we really have.

 

silence …. in a nutshell!

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Silence on this blog probably means a busy week … but a week of highlights which I will outline in a  nutshell…

I met up with Ian Mobsby, my mentor, last week. We chatted about a lot of stuff both gathering and Moot based. I find these times really encouraging and just love the opportunity to catch up with other Moot people. I hope to be able to get to their Rhythm of Life Service in a few weeks time. Moot has been a real encouragement to me over the years as well as being quite formational in my outlook and practice.

That afternoon I was excited to attend a governors meeting at Brompton Academy  particularly as we were having a tour of the new build. This is a school I have been connected with for over a decade now and a community I care quite a lot about. It was exciting to see all the planning coming together, but particularly exciting as these has been a long time coming and the young people of Gillingham deserve such a school! You can see the building progress on a live webcam feed on the school website.

On Saturday while Sarah and friends attended a training day at St. Marks I was looked after by 6 children. Some of us watched Tin Tin at the saturday Morning cinema, but i think most fun was had by the 7 of us as we spent the afternoon at the allotment mainly weeding with a little bit of bean and sweetcorn planting and a lot of squealing and running when worms, beetles and slow worms were discovered. We were planning on going for an hour but we were having ‘such fun’ that we stayed nearly 3. Tis was the most fun I’ve had on a Saturday for a little while.

This Sunday was one of those days when the move from traditional Anglican Christian worship to creativity was experienced in its extreme, starting the day at 8am behind the High Altar and ending it in the evening in a pub! I presided at the 8am Book of Common Prayer Eucharist service. The language of this service I find to be quite a challenge, but not as much as the structure with some bits, I think, jarring and seeming out of place where they are. I then presided at the 10.30am Eucharist service which is different in its tradition again (although I do think Common Worship has a more helpful structure.).

On Sunday afternoon the gathering met in Mote Park and we wandered together and chatted generally and chatted faith. It was brilliant to see some new people joining us and seeing our ideas and dreams crossing at certain points. The gathering seems to be slowly growing as a community, rather than just numerically, and I think we are in quite an interesting and key time.

Sunday evening I was speaking, albeit I turned up late (I ‘fess up as I’m sure someone will comment otherwise!) to a group of people from St Stephens meeting in the Huntsman. I spoke about ‘Life as a Pioneer Minister’ and the people had a number of questions. It was a fun experience and I hope I managed to help some people think about mission in a new way.

So … in a nutshell that is the cause of my silence this last week – well that and a lot of talking and listening while in the general Rochester High Street area … I shall be sad to move on from Rochester in September … but time to move on and think about this week in Rochester now!

day 24

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The placement seems to be flying by and I am now at the mid-way point. I’ve met new people and look forward to working with them on some creative stuff, especially for the evening of Palm Sunday where we have a fairly open remit to produce a eucharist service including a reading of the passion gospel. I’m looking forward to working with some creative people on this.

In the community I have visited residential homes and presided at eucharists in a hospice – which I found to be both an incredibly moving and humbling experience. I remember thinking that I hope my faith and hope in God would be as gentle and gracious as it was in the people I served should I be in the same life situation.

During the week I also attended a eucharist that regularly happens in someones home on one of the local estates. The setting of a table in someones front room with Alan robed to preside at communion felt quite strange … but right! This service is held for people on the estate who can’t get to church on a Sunday. They want a short traditional communion service (with a sermon!) and this is what the church gives. Responding to local need and opportunity is something that St Stephens seems to be pretty good at.

Someone asked me what I am learning … I’m not sure that is the right question! I am rediscovering gifts (such as being creative for Sunday services) that I have simply put on hold for a little while as there has been no obvious lace for them in a cathedral setting.

One observation I do have of parish life is that there is little time to breathe, think and engage with the community in thinking ahead and wondering what next! It is a battle (personal battle not a battle with anyone) to keep oversight of the gathering and maintain relationships in the community that have sprung up in Rohester over the last few years and do the parish stuff. The parish is busy and there are parish things to do most of the time. I am managing to still be in places but it is not as often …. so that side of my ministry is suffering in some way. That, in my opinion, is why the church decided to train priests for a different role which is not parish based. They call this pioneer ministry although I have grown to dislike the term as I don’t think it’s understood that well.

So I guess I have learnt (if that is the correct term) that this experience is confirming quite majorly in my mind that I am called to work with those outside the church … whether that is pioneer or based somewhere or whatever …. my calling, where I feel God wants me, is to serve those in the community, to be good news in the community and supporting and helping in whatever way that means.

you must ….

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Jon at ASBO Jesus has hit something on the head with this cartoon. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at I read it …. but I do know that it gives me a sicky feeling which is coupled with a great desire to shout ‘NO!’

I seem to have come across a lot of people over the last couple of months who have this strong view of church … a view that church is a place that breeds robots that all think the same, speak the same and believe the same. There is a strong image of church ‘out there’ that believes chrch is a place where you are told what to think and how to behave. Personally, that whole image scares me to death! I don’t believe the language of Christ, and therefore the language of church, ever included ‘you must’ … unless it involves the two greatest commandments as set out by Jesus when asked  ..’to love  God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind ….. and to love others as you love yourself’. They are musts.

But … we need not agree, we need not think the same, we need not worship the same, …. that makes me think more of The Borg, not the life of a follower of Christ! The Borg (fictional I know!!!) are feared because there is no individuality with a focussed goal of perfection through assimilation. Followers of Christ, the church, are about individuals using their God given gifts to transform their communities and LOVE!

I feel a sermon brewing…. so I’m ending there to reflect!

19

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19 is the number of days that I have now been on placement at St Stephens … time seems to be flying by.

Being on placement, preparing stuff for parish things and keeping on top of gathering stuff and relationships in Rochester is proving to be quite a challenge, but then … I guess that is why Mission Shaped Church talks of the need for both pioneer priests and parish priests working in a mixed economy. There are things I feel I wish to do gathering / pioneering wise which will have to wait until after Easter … and I trust God that the time will be right.

On reflection, I am enjoying the different experience of working from a parish. I am enjoying the opportunity of writing liturgy and planning services which is something I used to do a lot of but more recently have only been able to do for the gathering, and possibly for Taize services in the cathedral. I find being creative in this way is quite energising and planning with a group of people is always fun.

The last week has seen me in a few of those privileged positions again … supporting a family through a funeral service, visiting a family who wish to have their children baptised. A highlight of the week was listening to Bishop Stepehn Venner speak on ‘How does war (however just) enable or disable mission? Bishop Stephen spoke excellently and really challenged my thinking.

So the week was a pretty varied week … roll on the next one!

10 to 12 .. watching from the sidelines

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Days 10 to 12 of the placement have been pretty quiet i guess. I mixture of morning prayer, visiting, listening, planning, preaching and presiding alongside maintaining contact with my new friends and people in Rochester.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of preaching and presiding at the church plant on the Davis estate in Chatham. The informality of this service, while still following ‘the rules’ is something more towards what I believe lots of people are looking for. The real privilege yesterday, though, was a conversation with an older lady who had just visited the Davis estate church 3 times. This was the first time she had taken communion for nearly 30 years. When I asked her how it felt she said, ‘it was special, like coming home.’ To have been able to play a small and insignificant step in helping this lady reconnect with her God was really the highlight of the week. I believe this experience happened because God was calling this woman back … and on this occasion I was able to stand on the sidelines and watch what was happening.

It’s experiences like these that make ministry so so exciting! It’s seeing peoples lives being changed or encounters occurring – not because of anything I or we do, but because there is a God in the world who is always acting in peoples lives. I guess a lot of the time we simply don’t notice … if I had not had the opportunity to speak with that lady after the service I would be none the wiser! As it stands, this one chance encounter reminds me that this is why I was ordained!

 

day 4, 5 and 6; discovering more stories

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There is not really a lot to report back or mull over over the last 3 days. I guess of them day 5, or Sunday was the busiest … but refreshingly less busy that a normal Sunday at the cathedral. Being in a parish setting where I am not rushing back to a service at 315pm meant there was time to talk to people and hear about their stories. (there could eb a bit of a theme developing here!)

On Sunday I led the 8am and 10.30 communion services. It’s interesting adapting to a different setting and method than I am used to at the cathedral …. and I guess I could reflect on being a little surprised how terms and practices that meant nothing to me at the time of my ordination (such as deacon) now mean something quite specific to me in a cathedral setting … but even that simple word, I have seen, can mean something very different in a parish setting.

Today I managed to get dates in the diary to become involved in what the church does in some of the elderly residential homes. I can’t say I am looking forward to this … but I am looking forward to seeing what this will be like and how people exercise ‘ministry’ in places that are different to those that I work in. So I guess I am looking forward to hearing and discovering more stories

day 1

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So I have completed the first day of my parish placement. There has been lots to think about which is useful, and today was an experience of planned stuff and the unexpected …. such as needing to do a school eucharist at 10 minutes notice – which was the part of the day which really ‘energised’ me and the part that I enjoyed the most.

I have a number of reflections and thoughts on today:

… the poignancy of using the Ash Wednesday liturgy, ‘remember from dust you came and to dust you will return‘ in the setting of a local hospice really challenged me, nearly to a point of tears … reminding me that God may be found in all situations and all settings

… the internal struggle I felt when entering my fifth communion and ash service of the day while my being was screaming that I have spent too much time in church and not enough time with people outside … conforming my calling as a pioneer I guess

… the real privilege I felt while presiding at a eucharist in a local academy with Year 8 students. I have already pretty much said this was the highlight of the day … it has been a long time since I have had the opportunity to engage with a group of young people and seeing the struggle and inquisitiveness of the faces of these young people was a wonder … reminding me of how much I love working with young people, which I think I may have forgotten!

and the joy of seeing 2 friends at St Stephen’s this evening that I have not seen for some 12 years … confirming within me my simple love of being with people, particularly listening to their stories and learning about them ….

So … the placement is maybe reminding me of things, maybe challenging me on things and maybe even confirming some things  As I look to the future I hope this experience will guide me … I guess only time will tell