So … more days have passed.
Nothing much has changed.
A few more meetings.
A few more discussions.

I am frustrated that I still have not been able to get out to be with people in ‘my parish’ yet.
This has been partly a work thing … as in needing to respond to messages and think through chaplaincy stuff and create presentations for services …. but, sadly, I also have a confession!

I haven’t yet been out to rub shoulders and meet with people in the coffee shop or pub because I have been scared!

Rob … the person who loves to wind up, to cause change, to go into new places … Rob the pioneer, the one that has always challenged colleagues to get out from their study’s has been too scared to go and sit in a new place and introduce himself to whoever may be out there and has, himself, hidden behind his desk and stared at the Thames Barrier!

I’ve reflected, Examened, and remembered it was always like this in those early days. Back in Rochester I walked past Wetherspoons quite a few times before I had the courage to walk in. In Gillingham I actually walked past the door of the Dog and Bone 5 weeks ina  row before I was able to step inside. I thought it was scarey …. weird as I now consider it a second home and a place I can go to simply be me.

But while I acknowledge that this is a natural process and a fairly healthy place to be it still concerns me that I am still not with the people that I believe God called me here to be with.  I’m remembering that this early stage of starting something new is quite a hard place to be. In addition, the reality of just a three year contract causes me to put pressure on myself to be needing to formulate something, to develop something that is relevant and real for this community. but … I cant do that until I have a better idea of who this community is and what their values are.

So … I continue … to pray … to look … and to wait.
Tomorrow I will try, again, to go out …. and to meet …
Prayers out there … just keep doing it
and me?
I will try to just go!
I will report back soon …

Sometimes I am surprised that the standard CofE stuff that I have to do can be pretty exciting and encouraging. Tonight I went to Deanery Synod. Deanery Synods across the nation have a bit of a reputation for being slow, tiresome and not very interesting.

Tonight was different. Tonight we were tasked with looking at a Deanery Ministry and Mission plan. Before we got onto this, though, I gave a 15 min presentation on what I have been up to as Priest Missioner for the last 18 months. As part of that I shared the Fresh Expressions sequence that distinguishes between how a fresh expression and how a traditional church plant are set up differently. The different sequence seemed to really inspire people.

I outlined how traditional church plants start with a group of people with a particular style with worship as a starting point which people are invited to; and then out of this flows community, discipleship and the mission of the group.

I then showed how with fresh expressions, such as the gathering, that worship evolves later on. The process here, which the gathering is following, has been one of discerning and following what God seems to be calling us to do, asking what loving service looks like in our setting … and doing it! From this community grows, discipleship starts to happen and worship evolves. 

Tonight’s Deanery Synod seemed to get excited by this latter process … particularly with the ‘what does loving service look like here’ because they could see that this was a great place to start.

The conversation about the ministry and mission planned followed this presentation tonight, and I hope the gathering and my story has been able to help us think more laterally about mission in Gillingham. One idea was even to replicate the boot fair model we successfully trialled last year and spread it across the deanery. That would be very cool!

Tonight I was very inspired and people, my colleagues, said some very kind and encouraging things. This was a great meeting and the enthusiasm for mission that makes a real transformational difference to communities is an illustration of why I was ordained in this beautiful, infuriating, broad inclusive church.

Unexpectedly I have returned from Deanery Synod buzzing …. so no sleep yet then!

Today has caused me to think of the fragility of life.

This afternoon I visited someone in hospital who was one of the old guys I would talk to at least twice a week for 4 years in Wetherspoons. Seeing this man who used to happily catch two buses only a little over 18 month ago to join me for a pint on a Friday hooked up to lots of leads on a hospital bed was pretty moving. This guy was always full of energy and joked and laughed … and yet today …. today he seemed fragile …. vulnerable …. but still together and happy.

The hospital experience has not been great for this man. Yet, despite his age, his fragility, his vulnerability …. he is still a strength to the rest of his family, and even to himself.  Crushed but not broken comes to mind, and I am pretty convinced there is still some life in this amazing man yet. I pray there is.

At this point I want to say ministry of this type is such a real privilege. As we talked for around 30 minutes of what life was now like, this man shared his insights and there is no other word to describe the experience of simply sitting with him for that short time. Privilege sounds like some sort of crap Christian cliche … but it’s not … it’s an honest assessment of how I felt as I walked away from this gentlemen’s hospital bed.

I went to hospital today thinking I was going to support and sit with this guy. When I left I felt that he had sat with me. It’s not that we talked about me, because we didn’t, but in that simple act of sitting together it was like some synergetic accumulation of respect and love both immersed and held us for a short while.

In that short while, I met Christ, the vulnerable, weak, but still together Christ. Christ sat with me today and started at me …. quizzical eyes. This man’s eye’s burned blue at me …. the body was frail, the breathing was laboured, yet the eyes were dancing.

Thank you mate
May your eyes dance a while longer my friend.