just go!

goSo … more days have passed.
Nothing much has changed.
A few more meetings.
A few more discussions.

I am frustrated that I still have not been able to get out to be with people in ‘my parish’ yet.
This has been partly a work thing … as in needing to respond to messages and think through chaplaincy stuff and create presentations for services …. but, sadly, I also have a confession!

I haven’t yet been out to rub shoulders and meet with people in the coffee shop or pub because I have been scared!

Rob … the person who loves to wind up, to cause change, to go into new places … Rob the pioneer, the one that has always challenged colleagues to get out from their study’s has been too scared to go and sit in a new place and introduce himself to whoever may be out there and has, himself, hidden behind his desk and stared at the Thames Barrier!

I’ve reflected, Examened, and remembered it was always like this in those early days. Back in Rochester I walked past Wetherspoons quite a few times before I had the courage to walk in. In Gillingham I actually walked past the door of the Dog and Bone 5 weeks ina  row before I was able to step inside. I thought it was scarey …. weird as I now consider it a second home and a place I can go to simply be me.

But while I acknowledge that this is a natural process and a fairly healthy place to be it still concerns me that I am still not with the people that I believe God called me here to be with.  I’m remembering that this early stage of starting something new is quite a hard place to be. In addition, the reality of just a three year contract causes me to put pressure on myself to be needing to formulate something, to develop something that is relevant and real for this community. but … I cant do that until I have a better idea of who this community is and what their values are.

So … I continue … to pray … to look … and to wait.
Tomorrow I will try, again, to go out …. and to meet …
Prayers out there … just keep doing it
and me?
I will try to just go!
I will report back soon …

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