One of the joys of the web is the mass of stuff out there to draw on from reflections to sermons to thoughts for the day. Over the last year I have really come to appreciate and be challenged by Nadia’s words as I have by the speakers of Mars Hill in Michigan (definitely not the Seattle one!) while the podcasts from Moot have always helped me to stay earthed when I can’t get there to join with my Moot friends myself (which sadly seems to be increasingly more common).

I particularly like to pause at some point in the day with the reflections from Richard Rohr which Sister Diane, my spiritual director, suggested I might find useful. She was right! Rohr has a great way with words and biblical truth that have, on occasions, helped to think deeply into some verse or thought. I am particularly looking forward to the next few months as outline by Richard Rohr here, which sound like they will be a bit of a mix of Father Richard’s wisdom entwined with some practical spiritual practice. This looks good and you can sign up to have an email sent to you each day here.

So … 2014 …. here we go …

So we are at the last day of the year. In many ways it has flown by, in other ways it seems to have taken an age to get through.

There have been highlights of amazing weddings in Seattle and Gillingham Pier, of great progress with our Rhythm of Life in the gathering, joy and relaxation in Antigua and of making new friends and finally, after years of prayer, finding the Barnabas type friends in the shape of a great family who encourage me masses, and whom I am able to encourage too, which is really amazing.

There have been the lows of the frustrations of things take so long to develop, the feelings of failure I hit when I left the prison as it simply was not for me, the sadness of being misunderstood and seen as a threat by others in the area, the hindrance of not having the resources to help people in real need as well as the dissatisfaction with the ‘I don’t have a real job / single income stream thing’.

It’s impossible to sum up a whole year in a length of words that people would be willing to read but, in the main, I look back on a year of amazing positives and blessings and encouragements.

As I was Examen reflecting this evening I realised two words have cropped up over and over again in the last 6 or 7 months. The words ‘grace‘ and ‘vulnerability‘. They have cropped up in such a way that I think, on reflection, I need to dig into them more early on in the new year.

For now …. you, my friends, may I wish you a Happy New Year …. and may your New Years Eve celebrations by joyous and merry!

Often people ask me what we are trying to achieve with the gathering.
I think this picture pretty much sums it up.
I might think about adding a few words to the last sentence so it becomes ‘You are welcome in God’s house and equally free with everyone else to get involved, or not, as well as receive’.

Part of our vision which some people seem to raise an eye over is our inclusive outlook. Actually, that inclusivity has sometimes shocked people when they have joined us. It’s an inclusivity that says ‘if we believe God has brought us together as a group of people, then we want to listen and learn from each other.’ We don’t have a policy of needing to attend the gathering for a certain amount of time before getting involved in leading worship or speaking … people are free to be involved when they want. That freedom also extends to being able to not get involved as just ‘be’ as well.

Someone asked me a few months ago how somebody ‘joins’ the gathering. I responded by saying people are ‘part’ (whatever that means) of the gathering when they decide they are part of the gathering. There is no membership form or statement to sign up to. It is true that we are currently writing our rhythm of life, and this will be something we aspire to live our lives by as a community and as individuals – but, again, whether people do this or not will not a requirement of being part of the community.

All has got to mean all … I don’t think I understand any other way.

Richard Rohr’s thought really speaks to me in my situation at this present time:

I wonder if I had a divine dew experience yesterday morning? After preaching at a local church a person who works in a  government department looking to encourage high streets to use their empty shops creatively was very interested in our vision to have a sanctuary and support type space in Gillingham. This may lead nowhere …. but after 16 months of patiently waiting it could be taken as a indication from God that we are at least connected.

It’s been an incredible couple of weeks with highlights and challenges which are part and parcel of the life of a pioneer I guess. Highlights of times have sometimes hidden themselves as they’ve become immersed in the shadows of defeat. Likewise, despair has sometimes been pierced and shattered by the brilliance of a God moment.

Regular readers will be aware of a vision we have to have some form of sanctuary/hub/presence in the High Street where people could just come and ‘be’ themselves. This would also be a place of rest and worship with good coffee, funded in part by some form of up-cycling social enterprise. This is not just my vision, I carry with it with others, but am kind of taking a lead.

Last week the building that many of us were convinced was the building we would be able to use became unavailable. I was walking down the High Street to meet a friend for coffee when I saw people on top of a ladder removing the ‘for rent’ sign. My feelings of being gutted were painfully raw. I was annoyed. I was frustrated. After all, people have sat outside this building and prayed and believed. People have phoned me to say they are convinced this is the building God wants us to have. I certainly felt that myself. Could so many of us be wrong? Well … at the moment, with the present set of circumstances, we have to say … ‘yes! we were!’

So … how do we deal with disappointment, particularly when that disappointment in this case is with God. 

In my personal situation, it is easy to look at my work and say … ok I have been here now for 15 months, and still we are no closer to finding and using a building. That situation worries me more when I add to that … I gave up paid work for this, and still we re no closer!!!. It is amazing how that little, insignificant money, fact can really screw with your head when other things become challenging. It’s irrational, but its there. On Sunday night I preached on that chapter in the Bible (1 Samuel 24) when David is hiding at the back of the cave with Saul chasing him down with 3000 armed men. Saul pops into the cave for a wee and David has this great opportunity to kill him and put an end to his troubles, take the role of king that God has given him and simply get on with what he is called to do.

But … David does not kill Saul. I said on Sunday night that I believed that this was because of two things. David had learnt to wait ON God … as in to pray and talk with his creator. David had also learned to wait FOR God … as in to wait for God to act rather than take things into his own hands and force the issue.

Waiting and watching can be frustrating, annoying, de-skilling, confusing, stressful and even quite boring! But, in waiting, God is noticed. In waiting, you learn to recognise signs of the kingdom. In waiting, God changes you.

David knew the promise he had received and he acknowledged that God had to sort the stuff out. He had to wait, and trust God, … and he waited quite a while.

So … i find one way I can deal with disappointment is through waiting, watching and reflection.

I have been waiting now for 15 months … and it seems God is saying I need to wait, and trust, a little bit more. Presently I think that’s harsh … but accept it. If you are the praying kind … I’d welcome your prayer … waiting is good, but patience is thin.

I mentioned in my last post that I felt some resonance with Russell Brand’s statement when asked by Paxman what his alternative system would look like. He responded with ‘I don’t know … but I know what it won’t be like …. it won’t destroy the planet, it won’t create a massive economic disparity, it won’t ….

I kind of relate to this language in my role as a pioneer. I am called to create something new. In my case it is ‘church’ or ‘christian community’ rather than a new political system. Often, though, I get the Paxman type questions …. “What will it look like?’, ‘what will be different?’ ‘will that really be church?’

My response has often been ‘I don’t quite know just yet …. but that it will be inclusive, it will be missional, hospitality will be important …. and this will all work when we ourselves know what any of that means!’ In the very early days when the gathering stated to gather we could only define ourselves with nots .. we will not have a statement of faith because that excludes, we will not have a few teaching experts because that disables participation, we will not …

As Bishop Graham says …. ‘The emphasis on ‘listening’ (discernment) and ‘incarnational mission’ (with particular emphasis on the specific local context) means that a key element of the praxis for planting fresh expressions of church, as developed in the UK, has been the recognition that the planting pioneer or team will not know the shape, model or cultural form of the fresh expression when they start out on the process of planting.’

I would add also that that starting phase can be quite a long time span …. 4 years on and I still think we are ‘starting out’ on the process.

The difficulty when creating, as I mentioned in my last post, is that we, and I, have only ever known what we already have. That model works for some, and that is great. For others who may be seeking God, though that model id never going to work. So … we need to birth something new, but birthing is painful and, actually, we are never going to know what is birthed. It’s a surprise.

The other day I was with Sister Diane, my spiritual Director, who gave me a new prayer task. She suggested at the start of each day, before I do daily office that ‘I welcome the day, thank God for the day and welcome whatever it has for me today’. I’m never sure …. but today, even more than other days maybe …. I am hoping to be surprised.