Author Archives: robryan65

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About robryan65

fallible human, like a phoenix runner spouse, father, grandpa, Jesus lover, creative, real ale, rum and malt whisky drinker dancing - expressing only personal views.

a pioneers plea …

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http://vimeo.com/84310265

warning: bit of a soapbox post!

There was some great researched published yesterday on church growth in the Church of England. George Lings and others outline the findings on the video and you can read a summary online and download a fuller version.

The headlines that have grabbed me:
Fresh Expressions of church are clearly furthering the mission of the Church of England
small is good … most fresh expressions are around or under 40 so they show a certain quality of community with a real sense of belonging
Fresh Expressions of church really are reaching new people that other churches do not reach at all.

After 6 years of ordained life as a pioneer of hearing that the Fresh Expressions ‘thing’ was going to be cut, or of hearing from others that I just get to do all the fun stuff which others with ‘real’ churches would love to do (I still heard that even this week!), or of being told that I do nothing different, or of being guilt laden by those who tell me I should do more baptisms or services, and of course of hearing that there is no finance to support Fresh Expressions because they are a ‘risk’ …. this report excites me, gives me hope, restores my faith in the establishment and expresses what we have known for some time….

Fresh Expressions of church just work!

And they work not because they are better than established or inherited church models (we need both – that’s what mixed economy means), nor because people leading Fresh Expressions are better leaders (that’s what the Body of Christ in 1 Cor 12 is all about), nor is it that God favours or blesses one type of church over another (that’s what Genesis, Image of God and Abrahamic blessing stuff is all about) …

Fresh Expressions of Church simply work because leaders of Fresh Expressions, like other leaders, work with integrity, they, like other leaders listen to God and to the prevailing culture, but their particular gift, unlike other leaders (that 1 Cor 12 thing again …. God made us to work together in variety) is to create something that matters and meets a particular group of people that other churches don’t. In our particular case, the gathering has taken 5 years to grow from 0 to around 20; 15 of which did not attend any church before they found the gathering.

So my plea …. encourage pioneers that you know. For years they have been looked down upon and viewed with suspicion. Those involved make great sacrifices (over half work unpaid – many actually giving up paid ministry or work to develop their community – and find other jobs to pay the bills). Often, by the very nature of the work, they are lonely, vulnerable and in risky contexts and can think regularly about giving up as idea after idea fails until something clicks (remember Edison and his 1000 attempts at the lightbulb!?)

Prayer and encouragement … on that I sign of ….. peace be with you.

sunshine connections

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I really enjoyed the RochesterFilm Society showing of Sunshine on Leith this evening. This was a fun, feel good movie, which, to be honest, was great to watch after the events of this past week.

Some did not like the connection between the story and Proclaimers music, but I thought that worked pretty well. The performances of Mullan and Horrocks alone make the film worth seeing, but there is so much more in this than two talented actors.

I liked the way the film portrayed the fragility and centrality of relationships. In this film, to be human is to be in relationship, or to be connected in some way, to another human being. Even though relationships were key to humanity, they are shown to be very prone to cracking due to human behaviour and misunderstanding.

In this film, relationships are what life is all about, but they only work for the people who are prepared to fight for them. Whether it is a parental, lover or friendship (all three are illustrated in the film) ‘Sunshine’ almost wills the characters to chase the relationship as away to show its value and importance. For relationships to flourish … vulnerability was needed. For some reason I connected with that in tonights film!

All that for a shallow musical …. thanks RFS for giving me an excuse to come out of the house and experience this for a while.

vulnerability is not a weakness

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VulnerableMore Brene Brown today following this messy subject of vulnerability.

As you will know I have been mulling this whole topic over for a while now. Back in March I was thinking but put tuff on the back burner. More recently the subject has come up in talks, in reflections and in my general life.

As a ‘leader’ training for ordination I remember an experienced priest telling me I needed to be less vulnerable. I disagreed. In the last few months I read an article on church leadership that says being too vulnerable is dangerous. That sounded wrong and I disagreed.

And then I came across the stuff of Brene Brown; who seems to view vulnerability in a whole different way, but in a way that chimes with something deep within the caverns of my being. As I hear her words and consider her comments on vulnerability I feel something ringing and awakening deep within my being. It is, though, an uncomfortable awakening, an awakening that seems to demand my attention and energy!

Early in the video I heard the statement ‘vulnerability is not a weakness’ but rather it is the ’emotional risk that fuels our daily lives and our most accurate measure of courage’.

Vulnerability, says Brown, is ‘the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change’.

In other words … you cannot innovate, create or cause change without making yourself vulnerable. To step out and create demands a risk of us, it invites failure. In my creative stuff i have noticed most ideas and writings do not work first time, or even second, or third, or fourth ….. the creative process, the change process, involves a massive amount of failure until something starts to work.

Look at Edison. He tells us that he tried over 1000 times before he got the light bulb that worked. That’s some failure! That’s great vulnerability. That’s great conviction and faith, and some absence of a fear of failure! So, vulnerability, it seems is not only vital in friendship and relationship, it is a vital ingredient in the creative process.

If we cannot be vulnerable (in this sense unworried by failure), then we are hindered in our creativity and our desire to see change.  It seems to understand vulnerability, though, we need a sense of shame. I’ll let Brene Brown explain:

worthiness as birthright

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brenebrown_ted_qaA while ago I posted a link to this vulnerability talk from Brene Brown that has become viral. What I hadn’t noticed is that Brown also did a Q & A session 2 years after the TED talk which makes pretty good reading around this whole subject of vulnerability.

Some quotes that grabbed me and that I have pulled out to reflect on further:

‘your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn’
‘When you lose your capacity to care what other people think, you’ve lost your ability to connect.’

I believe that first quote, I really do! I know i am created in the image of God. I know I am accepted totally as I am. I know there is nothing I can do to change that acceptance. But …. living that out in my life, in a world that bombards us all with ‘targets’ and ‘must have experiences’ and ‘this or that item to perfect our lives’ … a world where the establishment views those who are ‘different’ with some suspicion and fear of what may happen …. all combines to make it all so so hard. So … I believe this … I believe my worthiness is a birthright …. but living like I believe it … that’s a whole different ball game that I am trying to get to grips with.

That second comment though, caring about what people think … that one has hit me hard! My whole life is about connecting with people, building relationships, and becoming friends.

Over the last 7 days I have been struck by how much I value friendship. Friendships have become incredibly precious and important to me. One particular friendship seems to be moving to a whole different level of trust and respect, which is both humbling and exciting. This really has filled me with a great joy which seems to echo a ‘thank you God’ in some way. Another person who has become a friend has recently moved away. My respect and admiration of this person grew quickly. I have been surprised at the sense of sadness and loss that I feel over that person leaving. Friends, real friends (and I don’t use that term lightly as it takes a long time, usually, for me to see and to call a person a friend) are incredibly important to me.

But … and there is a but here … i have not linked the connectedness I talk of above with a concern of what others think. I do care what friends think. Somrtimes I will go as far as to say I will worry what my friends think. I would fiercely fight the corner for a friend. I would really hate to upset a friend.

But … I do work with an attitude of ‘if this is what I am called to do’. In practice that will mean that I don’t want to upset people ,, but if, in the course of what it has been agreed I am here to do, I do, then so be it!’ I don’t mind upsetting people  …. i don’t like it, and would rather avoid it, but sometimes things reach a stage when to move forward disagreement and upset seem to be necessary.

I look to Jesus and to Paul, or earlier to Moses, Daniel, Jeremiah …. and they all acted like they did not care what others thought and just got on with the job. They all had opposition, they were asked to stop what they were doing, they upset those close to them and loved ones …. and yet they carried on regardless with the stuff they were called to do.

So …. ‘When you lose your capacity to care what other people think, you’ve lost your ability to connect.’ I’m not ure if I am grasping this statement well. I am mulling over the implications of those words to myself as not only a pioneer but also as a normal adult person.

So … that’s where I am going to end …Brown says a lot more  – go read.

teams and jelly babies

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IMG_1093Today has been a very varied day.
I started in a primary school where I work 4 hours a week as chaplain. I had some interesting conversations there with pupils and staff.
Next I went to vicar club …. aka Chapter. We chatted about a few things and shared information. I

The lowlight of the day was trying to get Terry the greyhound to go on a walk.Last night he walked fine. This morning he was reluctant but walked. This afternoon and this evening he refused totally. The poor dog has been traumatised by recent events and I guess it is going to be a long slow road to mental recovery!

On a better note, the highlight of the day was teaching on the MSM course. This evenings session was on team roles and behaviour. It’s always fascinating to see how people view teams and how people operate in teams. It’s funny to think that tonight I will actually be paid for getting people to build as tall a tower as possible using nothing but spaghetti and jelly babies. The two teams did quite well, although I don’t think i’ll be asking any of them to do any work on my house! Setting up a church or new initiative … well I think some of them would be quite cool at that!

I think with teams it is important to remember that each person brings a set of unique gifts and insights. As each person joins the team should change to incorporate and be moulded by those new gifts and insights. Teams, to be teams, need to grow people and relationships and not just be task orientated. I think if they concentrate ontasks only then what we have os not a team, but a working group. But … I guess this is a topic for a different discussion!

So …. The course is really good … so if there is one near you and you are thinking of enrolling …. go for it!

first gathering of 2014

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bagapwicqaa-dzeThe gathering got together yesterday afternoon and we did the closest I guess we have to a tradition. For the last few years our first time together in the year has involved us looking at the journey (outlined here), taking an Examen of the year and sharing bread and wine together.

Yesterday was a pretty amazing time. After people had decided where they were on the journey people started to share with each other. After a little while I looked around and was really moved to see people in pairs or threes, very relaxed with each other, sharing where they thought they were on their faith journey and why they were there.

I was excited because I believe this is an image that shoes how much we trust and love each other as a group. It seems we have come a really long way in how we care for each other as a community. We still have a long journey ahead of us with the Rhythm of life and things … but it is starting to look like we are quite a strong community that. most importantly, actually likes being together!

Thank you again people ….. I think this is a good journey to be on.

a new kind of vulnerability?

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vulnerable spider(Disclaimer … I’m not sure this makes sense and I’m kind of thinking aloud!)

It’s not been a great weekend. The last few days have got me thinking  a whole new take on vulnerability.The vulnerability of feeling useless and powerless to do anything while seeing something horrible occur.

Earlier this week our dog was attacked by another dog. It was horrendous for my daughter who was walking him with a friend. We had to rush our dog to the vets, he stayed overnight and is back with us but with 30 stitches in his neck and ear and 4 drains coming out of wounds, with a few more visits at the vets lined up.

As we gaze at the injuries, our feelings of uselessness to help or relieve the pain seem to be linked in some way with a sense of vulnerability in ourselves. The fact that I can do nothing itself leaves me feeling very vulnerable for some reason …. and I do not know why!

So … in my reflection I am mulling over the wonder of whether there are different kinds of vulnerability. Or … are there a variety of triggers ‘out there’ that cause us to feel vulnerable to what is around us? It’s an interesting question because, with my logical thinking head on, there is no reason for my feelings of vulnerability! I could understand feeling sickened, or angry or wanting revenge …. but feeling vulnerable is quite uncomfortably odd.

I am wondering if the feelings of vulnerability come from a mind that likes to ask what if …. what if he had attacked the girls walking the dog, what if he had attacked me, what of we had left 10 minutes later, what if they had opened their front door 2 minutes later ….  I guess ‘what if’s’ remind us of a certain fragility of our life journey. We like to live and believe, subconsciously we will be around forever. But maybe a sudden shock reminder of our fragility fuels the feelings of vulnerability. It’s easy to feel safe when you believe you are in control. When something unexpected and horrible happens that we can’t control, it is then when the feelings of vulnerability flood our emotions and sense of thinking.

(you did not expect this post to make ANY sense did you? … I did warn you!)

Maybe, of course, my mind is mistaking great sadness, and emotion, and anger with the feelings of vulnerability? I could see that making some sense, although on reflection I’m pretty sure that is not the case. Vulnerable is what I feel and I don’t know why.

To top all of this, I think being vulnerable is important to our personal growth … but maybe there is an unhelpful sense of vulnerability as well, maybe some types of vulnerability are not helpful …. more reflection needed … so I’m glad I’m giving myself the whole year for this!

Any insights, please comment!

claiming protection vs embracing vulnerability

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I wrote this about 16 month ago when I was feeling incredibly vulnerable and lost. I am reblogging it today as it obviously fits with my current vulnerability theme but the words I wrote those 16 month ago take on a whole different significance of meaning now.
Being free to embrace vulnerability is an image I am working towards trying to understand.

robryan65's avatarThe Shiny Headed Prophet

Recently I had a kind of discussion with someone who is passionate about mission whom I admire and respect. In her encouragement of me she said something like ‘get your armour on!’

I thought ‘yes, you are so wise for someone so young, why had I not thought of that!’ But then, after a little while I wondered … and I blog about this because I still wonder and I am not sure. You see, I know I need God’s protection and I know that we are often engaged in a  spiritual battle which we do not fully understand nor are we fully aware of.

But … should I be prayerfully putting armour on as outlined in Ephesians 6? I see this is scripturally correct behaviour …. but is this an instruction for all seasons? I guess my concern is with imagery and the power of imagery. Does a…

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called to vulnerability

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Yesterday’s words of unknowing and fear of where the journey may be leading clearly fall back into that trampoline word of vulnerability. I wrote in my ‘brief review’ on 31st December that the words ‘grace’ and ‘vulnerability’ have stuck out a lot for me this past year.

In my spare moments, and in planned times, I intend to find, read, experience and reflect upon anything I can that is linked with these words. In a short search this afternoon I came across a short video entitled ‘vulnerability’ put together by Shane Claiborne and on The Work of the People. (TWOTP is a great resource by the way if you have not seen it before check it out) If you click the pic you should get to the video.

preview_Screen_Shot_2013-03-04_at_5.06.08_PM

It’s a pretty basic introduction to vulnerability and I love the words of Jesus ‘entering into the struggle …. a model we are called to follow’.

Embracing vulnerability, which must mean stepping out of our cosy enclosures, not always playing safe, being in a place so that our lives collide with the marginalised not just once or now and again, but as the norm …. that’s a model of Christianity I can go with. That’s a model of Christianity that I can get passionate and excited about.

the Epiphany Fog

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fogIt’s Epiphany today … a day that makes me think of journeying. Journeys can also make me think of beginnings and endings.

This Epiphany I am hopeful. I am hopeful that I am on the edge of something new, at the foot of some steep climb, on the brink of something both tough and exciting. Even though today in Gillingham was just another day like any other day before the new year of before the Epiphany as we mark it today, I believe I have never been here before. I know what I am aiming for, and I may even be able to see something on the horizon, but I am not sure just yet how we quite get there.

Today the journeys we think about in Epiphany give me encouragement and inspire me to carry on. The Magi appear on the Christmas scene (they probably came years later but no matter…). While at the scene they are warned about not returning the same way. That speaks masses to me.

Where I am now is a unique place. Experiences, relationships, happenings all combine to mean, that even if I wanted to return, it is not possible to return the same way. Events mean that new routes and new ways have to be investigated and explored in whatever journey we take. New paths have to be trodden that others may follow in the future.

The second journey is of Mary and Joseph fleeing with Jesus. There is a sense of speed, of plans going out of the window, and last minute improvisations being made. This is not a tidy ending to the Christmas story …. and actually, and very frustratingly, we don’t know what happened as the gospels pick up the story again when Jesus is around 30 … apart from that moment when the boy Jesus was asking questions of the rabbis in the synagogue.

This second journey is encouraging because it speaks loads of untied ends. Nothing is neatly packaged (is it ever in the bible?) and so the sense of worry and fear and unknowing that I am experiencing now seems kind of right.

What I see before me in The Epiphany are two Star Trek journeys …. two journeys into the unknown.

So … here is to 2014 … to boldly go …. well maybe not boldly …. but go at least!