Monthly Archives: May 2012

totally present

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Today was a good day. Today I joined people at CMS and was the speaker at today’s Pioneer Witness.  The website explains this as ‘‘Pioneer Witness’ is a unique learning opportunity where Pioneers will share their stories face-to-face and give us the chance to question, listen and learn.’

I enjoyed the experience of sharing my story and answering peoples questions … but the session has also resulted in myself having a chance to question to listen and to learn and not only from the other people there!

As I planned for this session I was plunged back into remembering what is was like in the early days. It seems such a while ago and it is really difficult to believe the extent of loneliness I experienced and the real hardship of stuff in the early days when I used to sit i places and feel uncomfortable or ill at ease due to the reactions of others. I quoted the following from my training journal from the first few months which made up the content of my first year assignment which outlined a series of ‘exchanges’ between myself and God:

Dear God, Thank you for calling me to this role. Today, however, I have an issue. I got home and Sarah asked me ‘What have you done today?’ This may seem a perfectly innocent question, and indeed it was, but it has plunged me into quite a cloud of uncertainty. When I  attempt to answer Sarah’s question I have nothing to offer. The answer is quite plainly ‘nothing’. I have sat in Wetherspoons in Rochester with my dog collar on and waited to see what will happen. Today, nothing happened. Much of the time ‘nothing’ happens. I arrive, I order my coffee, I sit in a comfy sofa and I wait.  God, I have been doing this for months and I am starting to wonder what it is that I am waiting for! I feel disorientated, confused and have no purpose. I feel lonely, anonymous and have been rebuffed and ridiculed. I feel as if I am in a new country as everything around me has changed. 

The pain of those few months is fairly evident in that short statement. I have thought for a while that no one really talkes about the pain and struggle of starting up … the nothingness of ministry and the vacuum that can be created by simply waiting. People like to share the good stuff, the exciting stuff and the stuff that makes ‘pioneer ministry’ seem exciting and sexy …. and yet a lot of what we do is the simple hard graft of work and ministry that everyone else does. A difference might be that pioneers are misunderstood that bit more! Maybe I should write a book about all this stuff!

I also shared today that in those early days while struggling with waiting that I came across Vanstone’s ‘The Stature of Waiting‘ which had a lot of good stuff in it, notably for me at the time these words about waiting:
‘Waiting can be the most poignant of all human experiences – the experience which, above all others, strips you of affection and self deception and reveals to you the reality of your needs your values and yourself.’
The waiting was very necessary to my ministry with the people I came across.  During the waiting I do believe I learned more about myself and my values. I realised in great pain how I need to work with others and not just because it is a good idea but because I NEED to work with others. The waiting also revealed to me the masks of titles that I had allowed myself to hide behind … titles of jobs, titles within YFC and titles within the church. Waiting helped me discover more about the Rob that God had created …. as well as learn more about this new community I was placed within.

After talking for a little while we had around 40 minutes of questions, all of which helped me to think more, i concluded with a quote from John Taylor’s Primal Vision. Seriously if you have not read this book, which I believe is a classic book that should be read by everyone interested in mission, then you need to do so. Taylor writes from the perspective of believing that we should listen and learn from the indigenous culture while seeing ourselves as guests. I read this quote regulalrly to challenge and question myself and can even tell you this quote is on page 136. I leave this with you in the hope it may challenge and be a support to you in the way it has to me, and may we be delivered from that air of professionalism that renders us ‘not all there’:

‘The Christian has nothing to offer unless he offers to be present, really and totally present, really and totally in the present. The failure of so many professional Christians has been that they are not all there.’

 

rhythm service

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It was a real pleasure, honour and exciting to join with Moot last night for their annual Rhythm of Life service.

Moot were great at their normal hospitality and welcome, the Bishop of London was very encouraging in his words.

As the community made their commitments to the the rhythm of life there were two particularly poignant and challenging moments. Each person of Moot knelt before the bishop, was handed a cross and then the Bishop prayed for them individually. This was a very powerful moment of mutual commitment to pray and journey together.

This was followed by the Bishop giving Ian his licence as priest in charge of St Mary Aldermary. I observed two friends in the faith sharing something deep and moving; a moment of trust, acceptance, encouragement and commissioning. As I looked around I found it was not only myself fighting to keep back tears at this very special moment.

So … continue to hold Moot in your prayers … and Moot   – thank you for allowing us to travel with you as well! On a personal note to be back at Moot was special … and I must get back in the routine of joining more often!

Hero or Zero

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There is a great and free event coming up at the cathedral … well in the Garth, the cathedral garden. The play, ‘Charles Dickens – Hero or Zero’, is a new play written by Alis Hawkins.

Our publicity says: Charles Dickens – great man of nineteenth century literature, social reformer, outstanding example of the Victorian family man – in short, a National Treasure. But National Treasures have private lives and, in Dickens’ case, he made sure it stayed private.

So, imagine what would happen if the real Charles Dickens were to appear before a live studio audience to be interviewed, if his family and friends were to paint a picture of the real Charles Dickens – flawed father, flawed husband, flawed man?

Be part of the LIVE audience – listen to those who knew Charles Dickens best, and see episodes from his life. Seeing both the best and the worst of the author you thought you knew, at the end you will have the opportunity to cast your vote – was Charles Dickens, hero or zero?

There are only 4 chances to see this … you want to make sure you are there on one of them!

a place for all

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Following the ‘new era’ post yesterday you can read the new Dean’s installation sermon here over at his new blog, 604 and all that.

Two encouraging, challenging and exciting but realistic comments : ‘…So what is this place for? It is a place where all people, regardless of all the false and divisive barriers that men and women erect to protect themselves; where all people can gather, explore and encounter the things of God……This will not always be safe and it will not always be comfortable but by living in this way we will be true to the calling of Jesus, true to our Benedictine inheritance and will be living witnesses to our faith in both word and deed….’

But … go … read them in context!

a new era

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Mark Beach was installed as Dean of Rochester today … quite a lot of excitement after a very long wait. It was a privilege to be present today and to start to learn about where we may be going as a cathedral.

It’s a big job and a lot of change, not only for Mark but also for Annabel and Ellie … so if you are the praying type of reader of this blog, please join us in praying for the family to settle into a different life … and to experience the blessing of God in new and fresh, and maybe even unexpected, ways.

Welcome Mark, Annabel and Ellie … good to have you here!

prodding in the direction of God

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Yesterday I attended the diocesan gathering, Beyond the Big Society, which was an incredibly valuable day – not least for the input and challenge of Archbishop Rowan in the afternoon.

After hearing about some initiatives around the diocese which seek to transform community we heard from speakers of national, and international organisations (Stop the Traffik, Mothers Union, Housing Justice). I found much of what they presented to be a challenge and a reminder to what we are called to eb as church. All the organisations offer suport ans advice to groups of people who wish to make a difference in their community.

In the afternoon Archbishop Rowan got us thinking and asking ourselves what is different about the approach of the church. He started with a scene setting text from Revelation 3:8, ‘I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut‘.

He suggested we talk about the church being different to other groups involved in social action, and followed that with presenting a need to know what it actually is that is different, or distinctive, about us as we move towards the open door. He suggested that as church, what is distinctive about us, is that we take responsibility for each other. The church has a strong outlook of mutual nourishment where we give to each other because we have freely received.

In thinking about Big Society he suggested that a healthy and functional society enables small communities of mutual service to both be born and grow to sustainability. I was encouraged by the thought that, as church, we should be moving, luring and prodding society in this direction of mutual service … a fairly trinitarian concept … so prodding in the direction of God then!

attentive love

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RIchard Rohr continues his Maternal Face of God series today with these words:

Sara Ruddick, in her book Maternal Thinking: Toward a Politics of Peace, speaks of the attentive love of a mother. In summary, Ruddick says mothers are characterized by attentive love. They have to keep watching this new life; they have to keep listening and adjusting to the needs of the child. It is necessary to recognize a new agenda with the growth of the child. If the mother cannot transform herself into attentive love, she quite simply cannot be a mother. She has to learn early on that life is about change, not about “standing your ground,” which is not going to help a child. All growth is about changing and adjusting to what is needed at this moment, with these tears, and by this child. The mother cannot run to abstract truths. Philosophy and theology courses at that point would probably be boring to her.

I cannot help but think that the present persecution of the Religious Sisters by the Vatican reflects this difference. The Sisters, by and large, went toward human need and pain with “attentive love.” The clergy, I being one of them, can easily stay in abstract theories and theologies and never get to love at all.

The case of the Religious Sisters  came up in discussion recently and I was quite perturbed by the seemingly simplistic and insensitive attitude that all the Vatican were doing was ‘asking the sisters to follow Catholic teaching’. This implies the Sisters do not wish to follow teaching and their total dismissal, rather than consideration, is shocking. Surely as we learn more of God, teaching changes. We used to teach that the world was flat … that we learnt more and we change our teaching!

How can we ensure that we are carriers of that attentive love while not falling into what can often be the sad judgementalism of disconnected theories and theologies?

the maternal face of God

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During Lent I committed to adding Richard Rohr’s daily meditations to the start of my day. I have found them, on occasions,  to be so encouraging and challenging  that I have decided not to unsubscribe as was my intention.

This week’s series has ben entitled the Maternal face of God. This has been an interesting series and starts by stating that most of us actually experience unconditional love from our mothers rather than our fathers and so goes on to become the basis for many peoples eventual image of God. The images this week have challenged the reader to acknowledge that we all know and accept that God is beyond gender – and yet maternal language can raise an eye or two.

Personally I can relate to this. Recently I led prayers at Evensong during the sweeps festival and wrote a prayer that started Mother God …. but when I came to reading it in the cathedral evensong setting I dropped the maternal reference out of a concern for upsetting people during a major festival in the town and potentially giving the new dean an inbox of complaints. As I reflect I am concerned by my reluctance and wonder why the language concerns me so!

Rohr writes: ‘Whoever God “is,” is profoundly and essentially what it means to be male and female in perfect balance. We have to find and to trust the feminine face of God and the masculine face of God. Both are true and both are necessary for a full relationship with God. Up to now, we have strongly relied upon the presented masculine images while, in fact, our inner life was more drawn to our mother’s energy. That is much of our religious problem today.’

For some, catholics in particular, I wonder if this necessary maternal face of God has been represented by the person of Mary. It seems it is easier for some Christians to venerate another human being in the shape of Mary rather than it is to acknowledge the maternal within God. I believe in some parts of catholicism that venration of Mary has actually become worship resulting in the persons love for Mary being greater than the love for Jesus.

This may all be new and uncomfortable territory for many … but I am seeing that to understand more of the wonder and mystery of God, we need to pay more attention to the maternal symbolism of God as we take on the truth that God is indeed beyond gender.

God and weed!

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We’ve joked about the title of today’s post while wondering who such a title might attract and whether it was wise as I hope to continue to work in the diocese beyond September! The weeds refer, initially, to the weeds of the allotment while god refers to … well God!

Once a month chapter meets and on those mornings I stay at home and pray. A few years ago I went on retreat with the Northumbria Community for a week. They set me the task of weeding and planting potatoes as I prayed and listened to God. So … this week I have conducted my own mini retreat / quiet space on the allotment while weeding.

I have noticed in particular that having a fairly mindless and repetitive task to complete over an hour or two seems to free the mind from clutter and creates space to reflect. I felt a great symbolic sense that as I was clearing a patch of ground to reveal bare soil so I was clearing the weeds of thought and personal opinions that have allowed to develop and hide or disguise or prevent the development of new ideas.

While contemplating and weeding I developed a prayer:

As I clear this space
remove the clutter from my mind.
As I extract these weeds
unload those deep rooted thoughts and opinions
that are asphyxiating  growth and maturation.
As I expose fresh soil
return me to the naked space of creativity.
In this crisp original arena
propagate the unseasoned seeds of dreams.

I’m finding that weeding with God is a really valuable experience. if you’d like to try out a mini retreat in this space then get in touch – this could be easily arranged.

silence …. in a nutshell!

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Silence on this blog probably means a busy week … but a week of highlights which I will outline in a  nutshell…

I met up with Ian Mobsby, my mentor, last week. We chatted about a lot of stuff both gathering and Moot based. I find these times really encouraging and just love the opportunity to catch up with other Moot people. I hope to be able to get to their Rhythm of Life Service in a few weeks time. Moot has been a real encouragement to me over the years as well as being quite formational in my outlook and practice.

That afternoon I was excited to attend a governors meeting at Brompton Academy  particularly as we were having a tour of the new build. This is a school I have been connected with for over a decade now and a community I care quite a lot about. It was exciting to see all the planning coming together, but particularly exciting as these has been a long time coming and the young people of Gillingham deserve such a school! You can see the building progress on a live webcam feed on the school website.

On Saturday while Sarah and friends attended a training day at St. Marks I was looked after by 6 children. Some of us watched Tin Tin at the saturday Morning cinema, but i think most fun was had by the 7 of us as we spent the afternoon at the allotment mainly weeding with a little bit of bean and sweetcorn planting and a lot of squealing and running when worms, beetles and slow worms were discovered. We were planning on going for an hour but we were having ‘such fun’ that we stayed nearly 3. Tis was the most fun I’ve had on a Saturday for a little while.

This Sunday was one of those days when the move from traditional Anglican Christian worship to creativity was experienced in its extreme, starting the day at 8am behind the High Altar and ending it in the evening in a pub! I presided at the 8am Book of Common Prayer Eucharist service. The language of this service I find to be quite a challenge, but not as much as the structure with some bits, I think, jarring and seeming out of place where they are. I then presided at the 10.30am Eucharist service which is different in its tradition again (although I do think Common Worship has a more helpful structure.).

On Sunday afternoon the gathering met in Mote Park and we wandered together and chatted generally and chatted faith. It was brilliant to see some new people joining us and seeing our ideas and dreams crossing at certain points. The gathering seems to be slowly growing as a community, rather than just numerically, and I think we are in quite an interesting and key time.

Sunday evening I was speaking, albeit I turned up late (I ‘fess up as I’m sure someone will comment otherwise!) to a group of people from St Stephens meeting in the Huntsman. I spoke about ‘Life as a Pioneer Minister’ and the people had a number of questions. It was a fun experience and I hope I managed to help some people think about mission in a new way.

So … in a nutshell that is the cause of my silence this last week – well that and a lot of talking and listening while in the general Rochester High Street area … I shall be sad to move on from Rochester in September … but time to move on and think about this week in Rochester now!