It’s been an odd day today – a KCME day. KCME is our ongoing training as curates and i always seem to find it difficult. I do not know whether it is the subject matter, the style of delivery or just simply that after 3 years of training and thinking that actually I just wish to get on with stuff and so part of me resents having to come out a day every month to look at stuff.

For me, and I hope this does not sound ‘arrogant’ in any way – but being the lone pioneer on this course which is set up for parish ministers does not really support me or challenge me in what I am doing. My fellow curates are excellent but I struggle to understand and relate to their issues from parish life as I am sure they struggle to understand my issues from having no parish and constantly being out in the community. There are common issues, such as the transition we have experienced, but the actual day to day routines of what we do are pretty much miles away from each other.

Today was quite helpful as we started to think about ‘the priesthood’ and what the difference is between being a deacon and being a priest. I guess, if nothing else, today has caused me to realise that I need to think and reflect more on what this next step actually means for me. What will be the difference? Will there be a difference? Should there be a difference? All I know is that I feel grossly inadequate, as I did on the day of my ordination as deacon. In many ways the scarey thing for me is not only what the role is, or what I think it all means – but also what other people believe it to be and the expectations that those other people have not only in my ability but also in what or who I am as a person.

In the Church of England there is a functional role that goes with being a priest, but I’m pretty convinced that the change is more than functional – or is it? I’m not into ontological change, but I do think it is more than purely functional. As I said, I need to think more on this as the date is fastly approaching.

If you are interested – this year for Rochester Diocese curates the date in Saturday 27th June at 3.00pm in Rochester Cathedral. I should be getting some tickets soon so if you wish to come let me know and I’ll see what I can do.

Oh well … off to reflect more I guess.

It’s been quiet in my blog world due to a number of things – a holiday (which I am still in!) after Easter and the necessity of using spare time to get to grips with an essay to be handed in on Friday.

For the last few months I have done a good amount of background reading and so when I came to start writing the thing yesterday the words seemed to flow pretty quickly and the task is now done. Whether it is any good I don’t know, but if nothing else it has succeeded in what I believe to be its aim, that of getting me to reflect on what I am called to do, who I am and what all this ordination stuff means.

This reflection was fueled by events on Maundy Thursday at the cathedral when all ministers came together to renew their vows and receive the oils of healing, baptism and chrism to use in their parishes if they wished.

During the service certain sections of people were asked to re-affirm their promises. First layworkers, then deacons, then priests and then the bishops. One of my colleagues was shocked when he realised he was one of the few priests that re-affirmed his deacon vows. We chatted about this and he rightly said but all ordained people are deacons, we were deacons first and stay deacons and need to reaffirm our vows as deacons even more so when we become priests. (not his exact words but my interpretation). My ordination as a priest in June does not cancel out my ordination as a deacon.

Earlier in the year I remember disagreeing strongly with someone who suggested that the real ordination was the ‘priesting’ not the deaconing. Using the same rationality of my colleague I was stunned as I firmly believe ordination to be about serving as Jesus served and seeking to be a blessing in the area we are called to serve. I feel if we lose this focus then we are on very shaky and dangerous ground. For me, ordination only works if it is about putting ourselves out to serve rather than to be looked up to due to some title.

In my research I have found that Steven Croft agrees with us (or is it us with him?) and I quote:‘in the popular understanding of ordination, the diaconate is seen as a temporary state, passed through on the way to becoming a priest’ but ‘the call to the diaconate is ‘the deepest and most profound honour and commission which the church can bestow.’ (Steven Croft Ministry in Three Dimensions (DLT 2008))

As I listen to people share their stories I am becoming more and more aware of what an honour this role is. Please pray that I and my fellow deacons can retain this perspective and that next year, when we attend our first maundy Thursday service as priests are willing and able to reaffirm our deaconate vows as well.

It’s a weird word, meaning lots of different things to different people. Being ordained is quite strange too in many ways and the reaction in others as a response to it are wide and varied.

Today I had a study day and although most of it was used to think and start to write my sermon for Sunday morning I reflected a little on ‘what is this ordination lark all about?’

I remembered a card with great words about ordination from my great friend Richard sent me which was a great place to start my reflections:

You are not ordained to minister; that happened at your baptism.
You are not ordained to be a caring person; you are already called to do that.
You are not ordained to serve the church; this is already implied in your membership.
You are not ordained to become involved in social issues, ecology, race, politics, revolution; for this is laid upon every Christian.

You are ordained to something smaller and less spectacular:
To read and interpret those sacred stories of our community,
so that they speak a word to people today;
to remember and practice those rituals and rites of meaning that in their poetry address people at the level where they operate;
to foster in community through word and sacrament that encounter with truth which will set men and women free to minister as the body of Christ.

Today I have been attempting to read and interpret sacred stories so that they may speak into lives I connect with.

Remembering these words gves me a level of excitement as I look forward to the rest of the week.

Thanks Richard!