Author Archives: robryan65

Unknown's avatar

About robryan65

fallible human, like a phoenix runner spouse, father, grandpa, Jesus lover, creative, real ale, rum and malt whisky drinker dancing - expressing only personal views.

don’t stop … you might find yourself!

Posted on by
Reply

DSC_0042On Sunday evening some of the gathering got together in a local pub to have a go at writing our first aspirational statement with practices or ‘the how’ we will attempt to live our lives.

It would be wrong to put ‘out there’ the statement and points we came up with at this time as they are draft and for the whole gathering community, rather than just a part of us, to agree, but I think it is ok to say that our first statement, or value, is one of ‘sanctuary’ as outlined here. 

Interestingly we chatted round the language we used and I think we were able to come up with something that is quite inclusive and welcoming of others. An issue we had was of producing something that demanded some form of commitment from us while avoiding some bar set so high that it became a chore and probably unachievable. This is a very exciting, if challenging, time for us as the gathering as we continue with this process of developing our rhythm of life. 

The more I have thought about this topic of sanctuary, the more I am coming to see that sanctuary could be quite a key element to both a personal and communal faith and lifestyle. Every rhythm needs space, and rest, and reflection, and contemplation …. As many know I have an allotment. The seasonal work of an allotment means that there are varied workloads and, quite importantly, a period of rest while stuff dies or hibernates or retreats to within until it gets warmer. Without the rest in the seasons the crops would not be able to grow while without the rest and variety of activity, the allotment keeper would die!!!

I find the more I look at the 21st century world the less I see of sanctuary. People, generally, seem to want to pack more and more stuff into their lives. I read the words of someone recently (I can’t remember who) that said thy cannot cope with space and silence and need to fill it. Rather than be silent this person would rather count the stars I think they said. 

The question I ask of such a person is, ‘what are you running from?’ To shy away from space and silence seems to indicate to me a reluctance to rest with oneself. I think the person who avoids sanctuary or rest or silence or space is running from themself out of a fear of what they might find if they stop. 

As a rule in a post modern consumerist society … do we run from ourselves out of a fear of what we may find? As created beings, made in the image of God,I wonder if maybe if we spend time with ourselves we might be amazingly surprised … as we take space and listen we may well hear something of great value …

…. maybe …

 

space for questions

Posted on by
Reply

consumed by truthI attended a really great training day today run by Su Blanch from 3D Coaching. I have to ad

mit that I do have a tendency to be a bit critical when it comes to adult trainers (maybe that comes with doing some training myself?). Today, however, but right from the start I was focussed due Su’s method of delivery, content and style which were simply amazing.

We covered a lot of ground in quite a light but deep way. At the start of the day we were asked what would we need to have today so that we saw the day as a ‘success’. I don’t think that was Su’s language but it is my interpretation. I responded with something like, ‘at least one task for me to go away and me motivated to carry out as I could see the outcome would be for me to be more effective at what I do.’ I guess I have just been to too many training days where the stuff is inspiring but when I ask ‘so what’ there is nothing there.

Today was not like that, it was inspiring, and I have a ‘so what’ task so I am happy.

I was struck today by lots, but 3 questions in particular that Su threw out there. One was the question of what season is our church in. I considered this as the gathering and was surprised at where I ended up. Another was’ for this moment in time, what role do I need to take on?’ That’s a question that depends on context and is different in each one, but it is a question that until today I had not really focussed in on needing to be asked of myself regularly.

The final question that struck me was the ‘what will be different?’ question. After this conversation, action, experience, what will be different? The ‘so what’ of the day that I was so looking forward to.

What I have really loved about today is that I have come away with lots of questions. Helpful questions that I now need to give space to explore. First task from today … block out space in that diary to consider those questions.

For the time being … thanks Su and 3D coaching for a great day!

focussed and beautiful

Posted on by
Reply

Warning: if you hate those sorts of posts where people talk about their new pets and share how their new pet is wonderful and that while walking with the new pet how God talks to them in some way …. if you really don’t like hearing that sort of stuff …. well you best stop reading now!

IMG_0921Meet Terry, aka Buglys Banker, a retired racing greyhound which joined our family on Saturday. We collected him from Croftview Kennels, one of the local Retired Greyhound Trust places.

Terry, like most greyhounds, is a pretty placid and relaxed guy. Yesterday I think I calculated that he slept 18 or 19 hours out of the 24. He certainly fits into the Ryan chilled laid back kind of lifestyle. The interesting thing about greyhounds, however, is that they are trained hunting machines.

A greyhound can spot ‘prey’ anything up to half a mile away and can get from a standard start to speed approaching nearly 40 mph faster than a ferrai can! But …. most times you see Terry he will either be by our side wanting to be stroked or hugged or sleeping in his basket and the picture shows.

It’s hard to think that Terry can be a speedy hunting machine as the websites tell us. I found that hard to believe until last night. As Terry was walking slowly along at around 10.30pm last night on his lead, not really wanting to be there (indeed I had to encourage him to come out), devotedly staying by my side, he suddenly saw a fox. Terry’s whole attitude changed in an instant.

This cuddly rather reluctant dog grew a few more inches instantly. He become totally focussed, ears pricked up in complete attention and alertness. Eyes fixed on the fox. His lead became tight as he pulled in his desire to do what he was created to do …. to hunt! He was both focussed and beautiful. It was an amazing sight and it took a few calls of his name to distract him (the training advice tells us that although intelligent greyhounds can only focus on one thing at a time – so the plan is to divert attention from the fox back to me!)

After a little while I had the calm relaxed Terry back. But, for that 60 seconds or so he was totally focussed, totally in tune, totally looking like the dog he is created to be. There was no doubt over what was on his mind.

So … what is my threatened God input from above?  ….. while walking back to the house last night I started to think of our lives as Christians and as ‘church’. I started to wonder if a lot of the time people look at us an individuals and collectively and simply don’t believe that we can be who we say we are or that we believe what we say we believe …. simply because we don’t look or act like we do.

When the church is distracted more about being right in its (often internal) arguments rather than being focussed on the truth of God’s extravagant love it loses that opportunity to look focussed and beautiful and instead seems tired, laid back and disinterested while it follows and whim of attention.

When individuals feel the need to to win arguments, or to prove themselves to be correct, or decide their ‘brand’ of Christianity is the only correct thinking there is rather than focus on the grace of God that says all are welcome and all are created in the Image of God .. then again we lose that opportunity to look focussed and beautiful as we reflect the image of Christ in society.

The I wondered … what difference could we really make if we became focussed and look like the real thing …. I wonder …

deliberately cracked

Posted on by
Reply

crackvase_litex3The retreat was an excellent time away.
Bishop James was fantastic in his teaching, which was based around 2 Corinthian chapters 2 – 6., and challenge. A really powerful time for me personally was on the last morning when in the context of a Eucharist, Bishop James prayed for each of us and then anointed us as we re-affirmed our ordination vows. This experience took me back to the roots of why I do what I do which was in itself a real personal challenge to me.

The most encouraging moment for me came when Bishop James reminded us that we hold our treasure, our ministry, within jars of clay (2 Cor 4:7-12). These jars are jars that would be picked up at a local market, poor quality, thin, designed for everyday use … maybe even cracked. These are not the good quality thick earthenware jugs that would be adorned with patterns and motifs. The bishop pointed out that Paul states figuratively that it is in these everyday poor quality clay jars that we carry the message of the gospel in. Paul was saying, and the bishop was reminding us, that Paul likens our lives to those poor quality jars. Jars made so thinly that you could see a candle shining through them.

That encourages me because a lot of the time I feel broken but don’t feel the need to be fixed, even though people sometimes want to fix me.
It encourages me because I know I am full of cracks and imperfections, but don’t feel a need to fill or glue them with something else, even though some may feel thats the right thing to do.
It encourages because I know I ain’t one of those pretty jars …. but God created me in the image of God all the same.

I’m encouraged because I have believed for some time that that my being broken and cracked and transparent is right. I believe this because I think that it may be through the cracks, the thin-ness and the transparency that the light of Christ shines through.

If I was perfect and my life was solid and sealed nothing would escape or leak of seep out from the imperfections. So …. I remain deliberately cracked because I believe I was deliberately created that way.

 

retreating

Posted on by
2

programme-tourelles-jpg-127781_3For the next three days I will be at Les Tourelles in Condette, with other clergy people from Gillingham and Rochester. We are on retreat and being led by Bishop James.

I’m not sure what the program looks like, or what we might be doing, but it’s France and the place looks good and to be honest …. I could do with some quiet to think and contemplate and just let God do the sort of things that God does …. so I am hoping there is a lot of space.

we aspire sanctuary

Posted on by
3

sanctuary pilsdon copyThe gathering got together today as we started to unpack the first of our four aspirations which we came up with on our day at West Malling before the summer.

The aspiration we were looking at today was ‘creating a space and a sanctuary to engage with others and ourselves’. The group that planned the afternoon took us on a journey through questions:

What makes a space a sanctuary?
How can we find rest and peace?
Why are we wanting to connect with others?
What are we building upon?
What next?

Great questions, and questions that got lots of us talking and thinking. The second question came after some of us (mainly adults) chose to do a Lectio Divina reading of Matthew 11:28-30 while the rest of us (mainly children) chose to do a meditation. (Yep – you heard that bit right … our children chose to meditate!)

We were struck this afternoon by Matthew’s words: Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I’m not entirely sure I have grasped a good meaning of that phrase yet … but I’m mulling it over and glad that I am on retreat the next few days and hope that maybe I will have space to dwell on that more.

Some one else in the group used a term that I loved as son as I heard it: ‘matching or tuning in to the heartbeat of God’. Again it’s a deep statement, but words that I wonder whether they describe what it is that we are about. I wonder whether our whole rhythm of life is something that helps us to match or echo the heartbeat of God in our everyday normal hum drum lives.

The gathering today was exciting. As I looked around the 21 people who had gathered I realised 11 (52%) were children. 11 children that were actively involved in the discussion, in the contemplation, and in the sharing of their experiences. One child shared how they heard the voice of God when they were scared one night. Hearing God speak through our children today was an incredibly amazing privilege. Hearing from everyone today was a privilege.

... space ...As far as our ROL goes our next step with this aspiration is to attempt to write a paragraph in 2 weeks time that will help us live our lives. The task is a big one and the journey is long … but we are slowly moving forward in quite an amazing way.

leaking

Posted on by
Reply

200216486-001Great thoughts from Richard Rohr’s daily thought today …

‘Jesus loves to tell stories like that of the publican and the Pharisee (Luke 18:9-14) and the famous one about the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), in which one character does his life totally right and is, in fact, wrong; and the other who does it totally wrong ends up God’s beloved! Now deal with that!’    (read more here)

In a world and church mindset where ‘success’ and ‘power driven ….. (fill in the gap) publications’ are pushed at the correct and only way, this biblical reminder from Richard Rohr is refreshing.

In todays set readings I read ‘He raises the poor from the dust, and lifts the needy from the ashes’.

It should be no surprise that we find God working with the real down to earth people where the Kingdom is just leaking through like sunshine through a rugged and badly fitted door. What is more surprising (like in my incident outside the pub) is that I don’t find more of God’s agents in those places … or maybe I do and my mind has not been transformed enough yet to notice.

Thank you Fr Richard for getting my mind working this morning.

 

keeping in touch

Posted on by
Reply

wheresrob2Each year I re-new my support an mailing lists and this year I have decided to use Mail Chimp to look after my weekly prayer email and my termly newsletter. Recently a couple of people (actually only 2) have asked how they can keep in touch with what I am up to.

I produce two things … one fairly intense with a  big commitment, and one much less so.

First the intense option. (you may already wish to skip to the next paragraph!) At the moment I have around 30 amazing people who receive my weekly prayer email. Essentially this is copy of my diary and a few bits of stuff that people use to pray for me throughout the week. These people really are walking this road with me and pray for me on an incredibly regular basis – I am humbled and know very well that without them I would be floundering even more than I think I normally am. If you’d like to join this group in praying each day (it’s intense I know) then please sign up by clicking here.

I also produce something much less intense 2 or 3 times a year called ‘Tales of a Pioneer’ which is more of a newsletter type thing with stories, pictures and some general prayer ideas for a general week. A wider group of people receive this every 4/5 months. If you’d like to be kept informed of what’s happening through Tales of a Pioneer please sign up by clicking here.

Feel free to subscribe to one both or neither …. but thanks for reading!

words … just words …

Posted on by
1

foot-in-mouth-awardIt’s been a pretty intense week. There have been a lot of conversations and a fair few frustrations. I don’t mind frustrating people (mainly Christian) who don’t seem to get what I am about or what I am trying to achieve but … they are so …. well … flipping frustrating! It seriously got to the stage this week that if I heard one more well meaning Christian cliche shared in response to quite a serious need or issue that I was worried that my normal pacifist self might just erupt in a volcanic scream spewing hot boiling lava over the person Ally McBeal style. If you don’t get that, then you have missed out on one of the funniest TV shows ever!

It turns out that I have not imitated a Vesuvius eruption this week. By God’s grace, or some miracle, I have kept calm and sometimes I have even smiled, even though it may have been through clenched teeth, but I have smiled nevertheless!

I have, however, screamed inwardly this week. Maybe this is my issue and maybe I do need to repent and I certainly know that I need to be more patient. But …. please …. why can’t some Christians think before they open their mouths!!! Just a little … please! Why can’t some people just pause, reflect and think about how they sound before they open their mouths to fix situations or offer advice that was not even asked for!

I need to contextualise this. I have heard some horrendous things this week in my normal everyday comings and goings. Things I have heard this week. Genuine things. Not made up. Said to me or overheard as I am just plain nosey:

‘Jesus took your 3 month old baby because he wanted another angel in heaven’.
“At least she is now playing with Jesus”
‘Have you ever thought the cancer has come back because God wants to teach you a lesson!’
‘You really need to change your attitude before God will love you’.(Christian parent to teenage child!)
“No REAL Christian would go in there … there’s no hope for them, they are all going to hell … and if you hang out with them ….” (yep … that one was said to me! Actually that one made me smile because the heaven this man talks of is certainly not the place in which I wish to spend eternity!)

The title of this post was going to be ‘watch what you say’, or something similar. But that’s a bit of an oxymoron because … I don’t think …. in this post that I am applying that title to myself. I will probably have negative comeback from this post …. What I have written will no doubt seriously pee off some people. I don’t like to upset people but if I do on this occasion that’s regrettable but tough!

I also know I have friends of no faith who visit here occasionally. Those friends are precious to me, and I want to take this opportunity to share that not all Christians think or say or offer such unhelpful and insensitive stuff. Some believe God is just there with you in the pain, crying next to you and wishing things were different.

At the end of the day this stuff is all just words … but the old sticks and stones rhyme doesn’t really hold up. Sticks and stones do break bones, but I think misplaced words can break hearts.

Maybe I have seen just too many broken hearts these past few weeks that have been further shattered by empty sayings.

So …. words … can we be thoughtful? …. and the certificate at the top of the post … thats for me for writing this post in the first place!

 

so be it!

Posted on by
Reply

tube waitI have found great strength and guidance in this prayer (attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr) over the last few weeks. Acceptance and trust, rather than genuine and well meaning fixing words, seem to be key at the moment.

 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Living one day at a time – rather than trying to second guess and map out the next few months, or even years, so much so that I forget that I live now, in the here and now, in the present

Enjoying one moment at a time … savouring the delight of that moment of joy, really savouring and noticing the blessing I received from this event, story or person … rather than rushing on blindly and empty to the next thing

Accepting hardship … really accepting it rather than getting annoyed when God does not take it away or make it better … in the hardship, in the wilderness, in the silence is often where we encounter God and ourselves. And if that does not convince me … Jesus was on a cross …. sheesh!

Taking this world as he did …. loving it, caring for it, valuing it, weeping over it … not simply enduring it, or tolerating it until a shiny bright painless heaven comes along …. but really investing and loving what we have now

Trusting … letting God be God, letting God work in God time, rather than trying to force God’s hand with shouty prayers and great deeds which we control and direct …. but, if you like, giving up our agendas … and handing over control

reasonably happy here …. and supremely happy with God … who is here, now, in the present, current. we should expect no more and no less

Amen …. agreed! …. yes … so be it