Another bizarre experience last night – and something else I can blame Sarah in her absence for!

The theory of pets is that children gain responsibility and experience death and so on and so on. Tom has a hamster. That’s cool, although before he bought it in January I did question his commitment to looking after such a small pet and had considerable doubt that he would even remember to feed the above mentioned pet.

Last night at 1.00 am I was chasing a hamster around the house. I have 2 bites on my hands after fighting with the cousin of Monty Python’s killer rabbit. I swear that at times the hamster was launching himself at my throat in a desperate attempt to maintain his freedom.

The worry we have now is that we are concerned how long Freddie has been free. Tom’s so laid back in his care technique that he could have been out of the cage for days. Certainly he had been free long enough to eat one of Beth’s dolls slippers (which when questioned a couple of days ago I palmed off with a ‘mum probably got that in the hoover’ while making a mental note to get a mouse trap!). Freddie also had time to courageously lower himself down 14 very steep stairs. Maybe he was Edmund Hilary in a former life!!!

I am now going on a house inspection to what other damage has been caused, or what deposits may have been left!!

48 hours until Sarah returns – will I last the distance?

It was a wet day today. It must be something to do with the Ryan family visiting National Trust properties.

Today the children and I experienced life in Bodiam Castle with rain. Large puddles, slippery steps but lots of fun. Dad trying to out-do the absent soul survivor mummy with a packed lunch of tortilla wraps with various fillings to choose from and make your own (rolls are so boring!) would have worked well – but cutting and making them in a cramped Citroen Xsara when you are all wet and its pouring down outside proved to be a challenge. Rolls would have been so much easier! The challenge happened and we all ate, eventually.

Tonight though produced massive feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. Beth is not coping at night without her mum and I had to sit by as she cried herself to sleep. What can you do!? The children are used to me being away, but its quite unusual for Sarah to be the missing one and although the boys are baring up, Beth needs a lot of encouragement.

I guess I am sinking into that ‘is ministry worth it’ attitude which can be dangerous and certainly unproductive. Personal hardship or missing out for ‘the greater goal’ is not really too difficult for an adult; it’s a pain but it goes with the territory and the excitement and blessings more than compensate. It really does hurt, however, when I see our children being affected in this way as a result of what we do. They don’t see the exciting things we see – they just see mum and dad going off somewhere. I guess Sarah sees it when I am away, but it’s hit me quite hard this evening.

I wonder how others work with this?

I am assured by a very good friend that this is a nearly genuine offer – it actually costs £10ish.

If you want to help me get a free ipod, being a poor YFC workwer, then click on this link and sign up for one of the free offers.

If you do – thanks!

While away I decided to have a break away from keeping up with the news, other than catching the odd headline. Normally I would buy the Guardian but decided against that this year as it normally takes me the whole morning to read as I get sucked in and, understandably, others get upset that I am hiding in the newspaper.

Catching up on the news it seems I have returned to a different Britain. To new times maybe? Some great people have been lost such as Robin Cook and Mo Mowlam. Their voices, personalities, and natural integrity will be missed.

On the issue of integrity it would seem that, if newspaper reports are true, that Ian Blair has misled us, or been misled, over the terrible shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes. I really hope this will not lead to a realisation of deliberate cover up. The fact that this has happened, however, should concern us all in a country where we are proud of our freedom of speech and ability to move and speak without hindrance and censorship.

A man of great integrity, a real modern day saint, Brother Roger who founded taize was murdered last week during a worship service. Another sad, and very shocking, loss.

I blogged a while back on doughnuts costing £1 at Bluewater. I saw at the weekend news about lunches for £400 in London. I am amazed that people will even pay this, yet alone have the balls to charge such an amount. With extreme poverty highlighted over the last few weeks it sickens me that people will waste such valubale resources! It’s a flipping crazy world!

On a separate and much lighter note – I sense my relaxedness going so need to bring it back; Gills are unbeaten in League 1 and currently lie 4th in the table. New times indeed!

Well that’s not entirely accurate. We were all back for 48 hours, but now Sarah is at Soul Survivor with the youth group while I opted to stay in Gillingham and look after the children. I get to play Daddy for a few days which I am really looking forward to.

Well, the holiday is over and we had such an excellent and relaxed time that I feel the most rested, relaxed and refreshed that I have felt for quite a while. This year we decided to stay with the caravan at the same site for the whole 2 weeks rather than pack everything up and move location. This was a great idea as it meant all of us chilled and were happy just to pass time as we all knew we had lots of time to do things.

I like to record highlights but there are so many which won’t mean anything to anyone outside of the immediate family! But, hey, the highlights of the last 2 weeks were:

Mackerel fishing from a boat with the boys – and cooking our catch on the BBQ
Spending time just chatting over wine
Walking long part of the SW coast path and marveling at the scenery
Watching Joe destroy us all at cricket on the beach – winning by 30 runs!
Experiencing losing at swingball to Tom.
Watching Beth lose her fear of boats and get excited on the trip
Visiting Lanhydrock and running through torrential rain (the only rainy day we had)to get to the front door
Endless days sitting on the beach reading, playing, rockpooling
Visiting the Eden Project which was amazing
Sharing pasties on the harbourside
Playing volleyball on Looe Beach

holidays are great, but getting home always has that fantastic feeling associated with it. No matter how good a holiday is, it is always great to get home again and just be able to relax totally, knowing you are home and do not have to worry. There is a certain security and comfortableness about being at home, resting, knowing this is where I can just be. This is where I belong.

Tomorrow morning, bright and early we are off to Cornwall!
We are going to Looe!
Excellent – can’t wait!
Wine, family, wine, reading, sand, wine and relaxation!

2 weeks of bliss with those that I love!

See ya!

Have you ever had a last minute day – not a last minute deal, but a last minute day.

The day of reckoning. The day you have been working towards and know it is there at the back of your mind but always mentally feels a long way off. A day when things need to be done by; they can’t be any later as tomorrow would be too late.

Today was that day as tomorrow we go on holiday.

Today I found out that the tow bar fitted last week, and I should have immediately checked, was too close to the backplate and would crush our bumper. I needed to then convince the tow bar fitter to visit again from Essex to put on a spacer as he had fitted the bolts so tightly I was not manly enough to remove them. Thankfully he was on a job down the road and he popped in and it took him 5 minutes.

Today I needed to visit the office of a course I am startng in September (more of that in September) to borrow some books to be read before the course starts as I realised it will be closed when I get back from holiday!

Today I needed to get a new number plate made for the caravan which we borrow from Sarah’s parents. Due to heightened security over the last 2 years you now need to produce more ID to get a number plate than you do for a CRB check! So I got that little job done after a failed attempt with just a log book and driving licence, and returned with the log book, passport, driving licence, utility bill, mothers maiden name, first pets name and only after I knew the secret password did they then let me have a nice yellow rectangle to fit in the back window of the caravan!

Today I needed to find some DVD’s I had said I would buy the children for the journey to Cornwall. (yes I know … sad that we have a DVD player in the car!) I failed; Blockbuster had sold out of decent children cheaper DVD’s and where else do you go at 7.30 pm!

Today I needed to find people to look after my bonsai, feed the gerbils, feed the fish, clear the post … and so on!

Today I wished I had not left everything to the last minute. But, I did, and apart from the DVD’s (which is a major faliure for which I will pay!)I was just in time on all of them!

So, do we really need to be organised, is it a waste of time? Can’t I just be in time instead of hours or days early? Does it add unnecessarily to the stress levels or is it really a good use of time?

For some reason I have two Flickr accounts and did not realise! It’s amazing what difference one little letter can make. I have 2 user account; robryan65 and robryn65! Hey, I have twice the space to post pics so I am not worrying!

There has been a problem though, and that is that I have been telling people that all the Love Gillingham pics are accessible from the blog, when in fact they were not! So big apologies to those of you who have had your technological knowledge questioned, it was my fault all along!!

Now it is possible to access all the Love Gillingham pics from here as I have added a new flickr badge (the one with 12 little pics on) so if you want to see them all, scroll down the page, click on the badge and you should find them.

Today has been one of those normal days; interruptions from the telephone and the children, unexpected tasks in my inbox, awaiting emails and letters that don’t arrive, rushing to catch the last post for those that still insist on paper copies. Re-writing sentences, re-gathering forms, saying yes (or no) for the tenth time … and then, at the end of the day, it hit me.

A week like Love Gillingham, and it only takes a little while, a matter of a few hours, to lose sight, lose focus, to forget what is important, forget my central calling and become dragged back into the administration world of “jobness”!

How do I prevent this? I am shocked at how quickly I forgot all about the excitement of last week; or do I need to accept that this just the painful reality of lifestyle, mission and everything else in 21st Century world?

This is a tough question with which I am battling – is it really possible to love Gillingham, love Tooting, Coventry, Camden, wherever, all day, or do the demands of a 21st century lifestyle and ministry back-up force me to compartmentalise bits of my life? Do the demands of ‘ministry’ stop me doing the things God wants me to do?

If all my life is mission, how does that work?

I guess this all goes back to my talks last week. We can only be ‘in mission’ when we are being ourselves, being as God created us to be, not acting, not doing, but just ‘being’. Maybe I don’t understand it fully, but maybe ‘being’ in the office, even when I don’t speak to anyone, is still powerfully used by God?

Maybe daring to be who I really am is the most powerful thing I can do for God?

Today I think I found my true calling.

After the Love Gillingham service at St Marks a few of us walked up the road to the local curry house, spent time together, drank Kingfisher and ate curry. It was great watching Joe eat his first Reshmi Kebab, and both Tom and Beth being adventurous and trying something new. In fact I was the most reserved settling for copious amounts of lime pickle and then a chicken jal frezi – but then why spoil a trusted and tried recipe for success! (I have just realised with that comment how Anglican I really am!!!)

As I sat down Ray, the owner, overheard me say that we should do this every week. Of course he agreed! He then mentioned how great it would be to go to church and then eat together afterwards as that was what worship was all about.

It’s an interesting thought and one that I cannot disagree with, apart from the fact that my waistline and wallet could not cope. But, if this is a calling from God maybe I should have more faith!!