It was a wet day today. It must be something to do with the Ryan family visiting National Trust properties.

Today the children and I experienced life in Bodiam Castle with rain. Large puddles, slippery steps but lots of fun. Dad trying to out-do the absent soul survivor mummy with a packed lunch of tortilla wraps with various fillings to choose from and make your own (rolls are so boring!) would have worked well – but cutting and making them in a cramped Citroen Xsara when you are all wet and its pouring down outside proved to be a challenge. Rolls would have been so much easier! The challenge happened and we all ate, eventually.

Tonight though produced massive feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. Beth is not coping at night without her mum and I had to sit by as she cried herself to sleep. What can you do!? The children are used to me being away, but its quite unusual for Sarah to be the missing one and although the boys are baring up, Beth needs a lot of encouragement.

I guess I am sinking into that ‘is ministry worth it’ attitude which can be dangerous and certainly unproductive. Personal hardship or missing out for ‘the greater goal’ is not really too difficult for an adult; it’s a pain but it goes with the territory and the excitement and blessings more than compensate. It really does hurt, however, when I see our children being affected in this way as a result of what we do. They don’t see the exciting things we see – they just see mum and dad going off somewhere. I guess Sarah sees it when I am away, but it’s hit me quite hard this evening.

I wonder how others work with this?