Ministry of Presence

I have just finished reading Primal Vision which was originally written in 1963 by John Taylor. The blurb on the back states ‘one of the most important books ever published on the subject of African Christianity.’ Taylor reflects theologically on his experiences and conversations and radically, for his time, suggests that as guests in an other culture Christians need to listen and learn and allow that to determine our mission.

I wanted to read because I thought there would be principles to consider for today and trying to be missional in the various cultures we find in the UK today.

I was particularly excited this morning by the last chapter entitled ‘The Practice of Presence’ which I have resonated with and drawn some strength from today. Some quotes of note:

‘The core of Africa’s wisdom is that she knows the difference between existence and presence.’
To exist is to survive wheras to be present is so much more in both a sense of reality and integrity. Taylor writes of how Europeans are viewed as people who do not greet each other in the street because we are always rushing and do not have the time. He quickly follows this with an experience no doubt we have all experienced – of walking down a busy street, making eye contact briefly and exchanging a smile. The experience uplifts because we realise we are being acknowledged not for who we are or what we do or can offer, but simply because we are a fellow human being.

‘The Christian, who stands in that world in the name of Christ, has nothing to offer unless they offer to be present, really and totally present, really and totally in the present. The failure of so many ‘professional’ Christians has been that they are ‘not all there!’
This is the current core of my ministry. I am not seeking to exist as something I am not, I am, however, trying to be present in the locations I am called to be in. I find it interesting that Taylor suggests we have ‘nothing to offer unless we offer to be present’. My current experience suggests to me that all that I can possibly offer is my presence because I have nothing else to offer of any use to those that I am called to be present among.
There is, however, something quite exciting about reading words of a Christian brother written some 45 years ago do not only resonate with me but also ‘get’ what I am called to do and trying to achieve.

Those who have lost the capacity for listening, who cannot be there for others, are unable even to be truly present to themselves.’
That is an amazing gauntlet of challenge thrown down by Taylor onto the threshing floor of mission. It speaks intensely and provocatively to a Christian culture that wants to see results and tends to pedestalise (if that word does not exist, I just made it up – it means ‘to put on a pedestal) attractional mission packages such as Alpha which give ‘results’ based on a set format while it can be, or at least give the impression that it is, often unable or unwilling to have the patience through the minsitry of presence.
Taylor seems to be touching here on an idea that suggests if we do not have time to be present with others then we not only deprive those people but short change ourselves as we can not have a greater understanding of who we are unless we engage in this ministry of presence.

These are some incredibly interesting thoughts and ideas that I need to chat and think through – anyone fancy a beer to help me out?!

reality or memento?

Mark pointed to this picture recently from Matt Rees
It’s an amazing picture and both Mark and Matt share thoughts on mementos and technology getting in the way of the experience.

Why do people feel that they want a memento of an occasion like this. Why is it that we are unable to be enveloped within and enjoy the experience itself? I know, however, if I was in that room I would be doing the same – taking my crappy little picture on my phone to put on my blog … but why?

Is it something to do with wanting to feel important – taking the photo shows others that you were there. Is it to show others … children and grandchildren in times to come? Could it be to serve as a reminder, in the full knowledge that the memory of the event will fade unless we something to remind us?

Since September I have been keeping a journal to write thoughts that I wish to keep private rather than broadcast on SHP. It strikes me today that this is a kind of memento where I ‘enjoy the experience’ while also making a written record of it.

I have only been keeping this journal for 4 months but reading through my early reflections already sounds weird. Some of the stuff I can’t believe I wrote only 2 months ago. It’s been good to read as when I have been looking at my memento I have been reminded of conversations, of ideas and as I dwell on them I remember more and different things about the day in question.

So even though at first sight this picture may look a little sad – the taking of these pictures will not only serve as a memento to a great day but will also serve as a reminder for other thoughts, conversations and happenings of the day itself. Without that memento I forget those things that bring both tears and smiles to my face.

on the road

This morning was the most daunting task that I have had to carry out since being ordained and being at the cathedral. We have recently started a Family Eucharist, which is an all age service in the cathedral. Today I spoke at the Family Eucharist and I think I was the most nervous I have been for quite a while.

For the last however many years I have avoided the talk/sermon at family services of any kind. Even when I was on the staff of Holy Trinity Nailsea I avoided this as Sarah is so much better – and still is.

My curacy at the cathedral meant that today was the day to break new ground. My first ever family service talk. I started the talk by playing a few games such as ‘I Spy’, ‘Numberplates’ and ‘Animal Alphabet’ and I was quite excited to hear people calling out names of animals as we went through the alphabet. We got stuck on the letter x but there seems to be quite a few here – none of which I have ever heard – such as the xenopus pictured!

My aim through these was to introduce the idea of journey as these games are typical of those played in cars with children on journeys – and today we were looking at Saul’s journey to Damascus and meeting Jesus on the road.

The interesting thing for me in the preparation for this talk is where Jesus chooses to meet with Saul. It is on the road where the action is – not at the destination, not during a camp set up for the night, not even during a lunch break … but God chooses to meet with Saul while Saul is on a normal everyday journey as part of his normal everyday work.

As I dwelled on that, I then started to wonder whether I have actually ever missed God on my everyday travels through being plugged into my ipod, reading my book (not whilst driving!) or just because I have been too intent on the task being finished or the destination being reached. It’s an interesting thought.

Could it be that God is trying to break through a lot of the time, maybe not as majorly and unavoidably as he does with Saul in today’s text – but still in an unmistakingly unique way that tells us it is God? I wonder …

(if you want to read the whole talk (all one and a bit sides of A4!) it will be on the cathedral website with all the other sermons here.

Vatican Follows Lambeth!

Good to see that the Pope has caught up here (and about time!) with Archbishop Rowan by launching a You Tube channel.

I’m not really trying to wind up and bait my catholic friends!

Yes we can!

Being at Bognor meant I missed out on much of the coverage of the inauguration of President Obama.

I have managed to catch up with some, but surely by Rev. Joseph Lowery was a particular God high moment!

Who cannot say ‘Amen’ to that?

Bognor Reflections

I’m back from Bognor!

There is a little joy in my voice as it seems to me that my experience of being away from the family is more and more difficult as I miss them more and more and do not like being away for any length of time. I think this week as well Sarah could have done with me being around due to other stuff.

I have mixed feelings about Bognor, or rather the diocesan conference rather than the town. I thoroughly enjoyed networking with people. I had a number of great conversations, I met new people and like to think some have become friends (great to meet you, eat with you and drink with you Iain!). It was good to chat with the other curates, to meet with previous mentors, to drink good malt late into the night and laugh and chat and laugh some more. Missing the final meal for a curry at a local curry house was such a great idea too!

Particular highlights were getting to know these people better but also listening to Paula Gooder (who was outstanding) and Mark Russel from Church Army. These two speakers had passion, spoke with authority and sounded excited by what they had to share. The passion of those speakers was contagious to their audience and inspiring. One big plus was the teaching being earthed by Doris and Nathan – it’s too difficult to explain, but if you were there you will know what I mean.

Other highlights come from me being a seaside town boy. When the rain stopped and the sun came out I was able to get to the beach with my new camera and play a little. This was combined with a trip to Costa Coffee as Butlins doesn’t understand what coffee should taste like. Back to the beach … sitting on the pebbles and staring out to sea have always been a way for me to connect with God. Doing that early in the morning is a powerful experience as, in some way, the vasteness of the sea helps me to meditate on the vasteness of God, reminding me how little I am and how my concerns are like a drop.

Lowlights for me were what I perceived to be a narrow-ness in the worship and speaker style. All white, all middle class, mostly fairly conservative evangelical, and mostly guitar led. Most of the teaching was monologue for roughly an hour – a thing that particularly frustrates me as we know this is the most inefficient way of ‘teaching’ and yet we continue to use this method. I thought as well that the speakers, apart from Paula and Mark, were quite dry and not particularly inspiring. The main session worship was was of a similar style each time and I did wonder how our Anglo Catholic brothers and sisters felt with such a style.

I guess on the whole my experience has felt more negative than positive. A previous mentor suggested this may be a result of just finishing training and having started my missional stuff wanting to continue rather than be taken out of that to attend more teaching. There may be some truth in that. A desire to continue pioneering and missing the family have probably contributed in quite a significant way.

My biggest frustration is not so much a frustration with the conference but more a frustration with the level of understanding of the church nationally on Fresh Expressions and Pioneer Ministry. I was interviewed on Thursday morning and spoke about the group of men in their 80’s that I have linked with. I also spoke of Fresh Expressions not just being about new things and wacky worship – but, for me, was about re-finding traditional stuff and reframing it for different groups.

Despite this afterwards a number of people came to me for advice on youth work, or would I come and talk to their youth group and so on and so on … I referred them all to my local and talented DYO – sorry Phil! On the plus side I do think I succeeded in getting across how lonely and hard the pioneer stuff is and a number of people were very kind and said they would be praying for me as I wander around Rochester High Street and sit in Wetherpoons.

The number of times people asked me to explain Pioneer/FE was quite surprising as I thought the message from Archbishops advisors and such was out there. Clearly it isn’t and we need to think about how else we can explain what the thinking is behind all of this – all the time their is confusion or ignorance of anything happening could mean opportunities for linking and joining with God are being lost.

For now … I am home. Tomorrow I will back in Rochester and I am looking forward to being a presence and waiting in those places that God is calling me to wait in.

(PS The worship sessions I led seemed to go ok and seemed to help people connect with God. I am always amazed when this happens and am reminded of what a privilege it is to be able to lead people in worship of their creator. A few people wanted to know the names of tracks I used and wondered if they could have my slides. My answer to that is a big yes – and I’ll put a link here soon – but I may forget so please do email me and I’ll make sure you get them.)

Bognor ‘ere I come!

I have just returned from a Moot Eucharist service and it was great to be back amongst the community.
It was also a great chance to meet up with Jeremy and his great family – thanks for supper Ruth, you are a star as ever!

I have now just finished packing to go to not so sunny Bognor for the Rochester Diocesan Conference. I must admit I can’t get enthusiastic about Bognor or Butlins in January but I’m sure we will have a great time. I’m particularly looking forward to hearing the teaching from Paula Gooder who was excellent at the YFC staff conference last year.

I am responsible for leading two 30 minute worship slots and will be interviewed at some stage and asked about what I do as a pioneer … won’t take long to answer that one … I pray, wait, chat, pray chat and wait!

I’m not sure Butlins will give us wireless access so I suspect the blog will be quiet this week – if you are a regular reader do something more useful instead … pray for a lasting peace in Gaza and that the inauguration of President Obama will satisfy at least some of the expectations that the world is placing on this guys shoulders.

15 years of love

It’s weird today to be celebrating Tom being 15.

It does sound like a cliche, but I do vividly remember every detail of that day 15 years ago; the very ability to recall even minor facts from 15 years ago surprises me as I have difficulty remembering some stuff of the last week, or more recent years.

I can remember it was a Sunday and waking at around 730 to hear Sarah wandering around downstairs. WE went to the hospital at 8am. Tom was born at about 615pm. This morning he apologised for keeping us waiting so long – it was a long time and it is the only time that I have read the whole of the Sunday Times cover to cover while Sarah dozed or whatever.

I remember the room we waited in, the delivery suite, the colour of the walls, the enquiring phonecalls from excited young people from our youth group, the excitement on the telephone of new grand mothers, the first conversation I had with new born Tom as I held him in my arms as Sarah was taken off to have a bath, the leaving the hospital alone in the evening to join Annie and Phil for a celebratory beer (no change there then)and the journey back the next day.

I’m not a very good dad. Like other dads I look back and think I could have done more, have guilt about missed opportunities, wish I had done this or that instead of that and this … but this day each year, as do the births of my other two children, cause me to reflect on God.

I remember all those details as if they were yesterday because I, as a poor dad, allowed that day, that birth, to have a massive impact on me. It changed my life because here was a child I had had a part in creating and loved in a way that I could not describe. I guess I can only call it a father love, and maybe only fathers can understand what that is, in the same way that only mothers can relate to other mothers feelings – I don’t know, I’m falling into an emotional ramblement!

As a poor father these thin gs have had a massive impact and caused a great love to develop within me for Tom … it just gives me a tiny sense of the great love that father God has for all of his children. To think about it blows the mind, to try and explain it is ridiculously silly – the need to accept the mystery of it is just as ridiculously necessary.

Anyway – Happy Birthday Tom … 15 today, have a great day … I know you will!

Twilight love

Last night I went to the cinema to watch Twilight. It’s a modern day love story with some interesting twists and a fair number of adrenalin action scenes.

It’s a story of two worlds meeting, of taboos being broken and personal safety being thrown aside for love of another person. There are two central characters, Bella who is an independent teenage girl and Edward who happens to be a vampire.

There are some great gritty themes of love coming out of the film (as opposed to slushy cheap love that is often displayed in movies) which show that real love costs, demands a risk for all (not just the two who are ‘in love’) and that loves can only result in some difficult choices.

When Edward is talking with Bella, suggesting she should stay away because he is ‘the most dangerous predator in the world’ she replies ‘I’d rather die than stay away from you.’The film starts with Bella saying something like ‘I never thought of ding, but if you have to die, what better way than to die in the place of someone you love.’

My reflections and thoughts immediately went to the cross and again, I am forced to recognise the presence of God and God themes through many movies that are around at the moment. I am freminded again that the sacred secular divide is a human construct, and that God is able, willing and does step across, blur and dismiss such divides.

The reminder to me is to look through those barriers and allow myself to see them blurred so that I do not place my personal limits on how, when and where God can speak.

rejected

Recently I had a conversation with a young lady that saddened me intensely.

A little while into the conversation the young lady, of about 19/20, said ‘of course I used to go to church but I left …. I had to leave because no one will accept me … I would be religious if I could find a church that would accept me but none will … because I am gay.’

The conversation went on and she seemed positively surprised to hear that not everyone in the church felt she was condemned because of her sexuality. She was surprised to hear that not all in the church would condemn her because she is attracted to other women.

I left the conversation with a deep sadness for this young lady. I wanted to prove to her that God loves her, that she is not condemned in any way and that God views her as his daughter and loves her intensely no matter what she does, who she is, or who she sleeps with.

I wanted to apologise for the church. Even as I write I can feel tears welling – for here is a daughter of Christ who wants to be accepted, who wants to worship and be part of a Christian community – and yet she is deprived of that because of the foolishness of ideas and rules that have lost or forgotten the major point of our faith in Christ – God is love and Jesus came to bring all people back into relationship with God – irrespective of social standing, colour of skin, sexuality, gender, geography, …. the list can go on.

If I can cry over a young girl like this deprived of her Lord by people – I am forced to ask what is God’s reaction? The God who knit this girl together in her mother’s womb, the God who breathed life giving spirit into her lungs, the God who has ordained her days, the God who knows her better than she knows herself and the God who loves her totally and unconditionally. I have shed a few tears … does God cry a river, a lake, an ocean?

A deep sense of sadness and helplessness sum up this whole conversation for me. All I can do is pray:

Lord, meet this young lady where she is, reassure her of her love for you and in some way draw her back to yourself with people who understand and accept. Amen