Category Archives: life

All are welcome here!

Posted on by
Reply

I realise my blog reflections are falling behind – I am reflecting on what is happening and wondering a lot, but I seem to be low on energy as it comes towards the end of the day to actually start to get things down in written form so that I can reflect further.

Yesterday was an amazing day at the cathedral. In the afternoon I ‘led’ the Medway Primary Schools Carol service – well one of them as there are 4 this week! The experience was a great joy because the excitement and wonder on the faces of the children was simply amazing as they gazed around this massive space (which we take for granted) in which they were expected to speak and sing. I hope I was able to welcome and put parents and visitors at ease – my few mistakes, such as forgetting to pray (what a poor priest I am!!!) all seemed to help relax the atmosphere a little. The service had a great feel to it and people seemed comfortable and I felt excited by this as many of those present would not normally visit a church let alone a cathedral. People felt included and welcome which I consider to be very important.

In the evening I was part of the World Aids Day service which was again a massive privilege and a very very moving experience. During the playing of certain pieces of music and lighting of candles in memory of those who had died or were bereaved due to HIV/AIDS it was hard to keep back the tears and at one point I failed, or maybe it was a success (?), as I was reminded of a lost friend.

The service was very much about people being welcome in the cathedral. For lots of reasons many who were there that evening, whether that be due to their sexuality or their state of health or whatever, do not normally feel welcome in church. As I reflect on the service I think my tears were not just for my lost friend, but were also just as much for my fellow brother and sisters who were sitting ‘uncomfortably’ in the chairs because of experiencing an unwelcome attitude in church. As I write, the thought of people rejected by Christians and/or because of their sexuality brings tears of sadness and anger to my eyes.

I just wish people could open their eyes. Last night I spoke with a couple. These 2 men shared how they were there to remember friends who had died from AIDS. As we chatted the love these two guys had for each other was amazingly obvious. It was obvious in their look and treatment of each other and I remember wishing that people who find this difficult to comprehend could just be there and see this clearly for themselves.

The love was real, the love was beautiful and this love had Christ at the centre – how can this be viewed as so wrong by some people?

As I drove away from the cathedral that night I became excited again – my experience had been one of welcoming in those that usually feel very excluded and on the outside.

My prayer is that the warmth of Christ that they experienced that day will draw them back to God, somehow, someway and somehow.
Amen

One way?

Posted on by
1

Today has been another day of firsts.

This morning I went to my first ever BCP communion service. In hindsight I probably should have gone to one before today as I was presiding and had no reference points to work from! The language of the prayer book takes some getting used to as there are so many words of traditional form.

I was rescued by Phil, the Canon Pastor, who pointed me in the right direction so it all went smoothly in the end. On reflection, though, the service is simple in its wordiness. It challenges us to think before we take communion and calls upon us to examine ourselves, which can’t be a bad thing.

Following BCP was the Cathedral Eucharist which I presided at and which I still see as an immense privilege to play any part in. Although very different to BCP but both an expression of that joining around the table with God himself. Both were valid and both spoke to me in different ways.

I guess in a way my reflections on today have reinforced my thoughts on moving away from the hardened belief in one system only being the right one: one correct belief pattern, one correct Eucharistic practice, one correct way of being church. There are a variety of valid ways and I wish we could see that more regularly and openly rather than feel we need to protect or stand up for our preference.

Surely there must be some ways (rather than one way) that we can talk about our preference while we still give value to the preferences of others?

Can it really be that hard?

heading into the awkward!

Posted on by
Reply

I have had the pleasure of meeting with different groups of people today and realised even more what a privilege the ‘priestly’ part of this role is. It seems to me that it is a gift a bit like the reverse of Jon’s gift of faith that I linked to last week. This gift box is still open but the more I decide to venture into the gift box, the more I find to take out (rather than looking to add things in the cartoon) and if I have the guts to step out and use some of ‘items’ I am quite overawed at what God does.

One of those situations in which I am incredibly conscious what I have been entrusted with is with funerals. I have mentioned this before but I really am surprised by how much supporting people at such a special and rough time is nothing other than a privilege even though the experience can be quite painful. As I prepare for a funeral I remember funerals I have attended and surprised, I guess, by the pain that I still hold for myself in relation to my friend or family member that has died. That pain does not seem to get less – it seems to me that we just think about it less but when it comes to the front of our thoughts it has the same level of pain that it ever had. I wonder if my consciousness of this pain allows me to gain some empathy with the family I am dealing with.

For the week or so before the funeral and then for a few weeks after I pray for the families that I have had contact with and Adrian has suggested that I should contact them within 7 to 10 days to see how things are going. If I am honest when this was originally suggested it petrified me! I think I will always be nervous but I have, however, been surprised at the overwhelming positive reaction of those I have contacted a week or so after the funeral. The knowledge that when life all around them seems to move on and forget, that there is still a community holding them in prayer before God seems to be appreciated.

Today while out and about again I have found that breaking through the pain of personal awkwardness and embarrassment can be a good thing to do in opening me and others up to what God is doing behind the scenes. I guess this is the same for all of us – it can be awkward to ask how things are and we don’t need to ordained to ask it but I wonder what life would be like if we did not politely avoid the awkward moments? Not only can we support other people but I’m also finding that we experience something different of God as well.

getting in retreat mood with Ardbeg

Posted on by
Reply

Today has been a day of very strange emotions.

We prayed a lot this morning as we had an ‘incident’ with a person who had not been taking their medication which resulted in the police needing to be called to section the person concerned. For the first time in ages I felt quite worried and scared for my personal safety and the safety of others in the cathedral at the time. The person is normally lovely and it was very sad seeing the effect of not taking the drugs that clearly help normally.

Later in the pub a good few people wished me well for Saturday as most were aware I am off on retreat tomorrow in preparation for ordination on Saturday afternoon. It was an interesting and quite surreal experience – unexpected and quite heart warming. I don’t really understand what is happening between me and this group of people, if anything, but there seemed to be a desire for things to go well.

This afternoon I received a phone call from Beth’s school as she had fallen and hurt her wrist. We went to casualty and after a wait x-rays showed her metacarpal to be fractured which is now strapped and awaiting a visit to the fracture clinic next week. Beth is doing fine and everything will be ok.

This visit was another quite weirdly emotional experience. Beth and I were an oddity in that we did not seem to have the whole family, including grandma, with us. I iid you not – this seemed to be very much like a day out for many people and was quite disturbing. The casualty department looked quite full with about 40 people in it …. but when I counted there were only about 10 patients with the other 30 or so family memebers. maybe I am being unkind, but it did seem weird.

More distressingly, many of these people seemed very needy and sad in themselves. I just felt a great sense of broken spirit in a negative way; these people seemed to have lost their self belief, their dignity and I felt very sad for them. That sounds patronising but it is not meant to be – I wanted to cry in prayer with God for these people.

It has really hit me today as I prepare to go away on retreat tomorrow how needy of love the world is. I became acutely aware that I cannot provide that love and that only God can. I realised that my role is to stand in the midst of this and just be available, and that that availability leaves me vulnerable.

As I ponder that further I am now sitting and relaxing with a great glass of Ardbeg! God’s true way of ending an evening.

don’t grow up!

Posted on by
Reply


Yesterday we enjoyed our Christmas present from very good friends, with very good friends which were tickets to see Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens.

The show was amazing with fantastic stage management. The picture shows the stage as it was in the round with projection on the walls of the marquee. This pic shows an underwater scene and the flying through London scenes were stunning!

Peter Pan has always been a favourite of mine and I suspect it has something to do with the reluctance to grow up. Thankfully, I don’t believe I have achieved the growing up thing yet! Pater Pan’s longing to stay a boy reminds me of a word or thought that someone had for me at a YFC retreat a few years back. They felt God was saying that I must not lose my ‘cheeky chappy childlike humour attitude’ after ordination as that was the person that God was calling. I hope I have managed to keep it in place!

If you get a chance to see this show in Kensington you won’t be disappointed.

Thanks Terry and Jo, and thanks to friends and family that made yesterday go so well!

A divided society?

Posted on by
1

In Saturday’s Guardian, Polly Toynbee writes a good article about the expenses fiasco that has been an everyday reality for all MP’s regardless of party.

‘Only in a vastly divided society can leaders think such perks normal’ writes Toynbee and I think she is correct. She points out how inequality has been allowed to widen.

I found some interesting statistics
only 10% of the country earn more than £40 000
only 1% earn enough to be in the new higher tax bracket of over £150 000

90% of the population earn far less than our MP’s, bankers, financiers and so on. In light of high salaries we hear in the news I wondered what the average wage was in this country as I would have guessed that it would have been around the £40 000 mark knowing that in the Christian world we earn little.

Actually, the average salary in the UK is £24 000 although, a this report points out, many earn a lot less. Equally surprising is that in the last 10 years of boom the average salary has not changed that much.

Some of the amounts we have seen spoken of in these expenses claims dwarf the average annual salary of most people. That is shocking.

Toynbee hits the nail on the head – despite what the leader of the house says today the issue is not that information was leaked (although it is important to plug this) – the real issue and question is to ask ‘how has society become so divided. How, in the last decade of boom have we allowed top salaries for the very few to hit rocket levels while the average salary has stayed roughly the same.

When the minority lose touch with the majority and see their privilege as the norm abuses become commonplace.

stereotypes

Posted on by
Reply

The question, then, is why do the deaths of only some people from obscure diseases cause us to panic? And how can we be so unfeeling when we have the power to save the lives of millions by relatively simple, inexpensive precautions and treatments? The answer possibly lies in the profound hold that stereotypes have over our assessment of threats and our ability to empathise with others. Recent psychological research, including the mapping of brain activity, has established that stereotypes have a very powerful hold over us.

Interesting to see stereotypes and the efffects of stereotyping in blogs today. Jon’s cartoon over at ASBO Jesus and John Watson’s article pointed to by Hold this space cause us think what real effects stereotypes can have on how we react.

The article makes interesting reading and is a good topic for discussion.

screen illusion

Posted on by
1

I had a good day visiting some of my old haunts in London today. Wednesday is offically a study day which I did on the train and in the morning in the British Library before disappearing to the sacred cafe to study some more..

Due to all the stuff that has been happening recently I really needed opportunity to talk with a trusted ordained friend who could help with some objective reflection from an understanding from knowing the kind of work and me. It was great to meet up with Jeremy and we enjoyed lunch together. Thanks my friend!

After lunch I drifted towards the Southbank via the Regent Street Apple store where I made a couple of small purchases with the aim of helping my back while working on my laptop. I got a pretty cool stand and wireless keyboard from birthday present money. I can feel the benefits already as I type on the new keyboard.

While sitting outside the BFI with a drink I studied some more before watching people ambling or racing along the riverside. It’s always fascinating to sit and watch the different behaviours of different people. Some rushing, some loitering, some enjoying the sun, others reading, still others chatting. Everyone was seemingly doing something different.

But … I noticed today one universal behaviour. Every few minutes, or seconds in some cases, people were checking their mobile phones. The phones were not on silent but it was as if people were concerned that they were missing messages. I’m convinced that some were willing text messages to appear.

It seems to have become a habit and I thought this when my daughter challenged me only the other day when we were out together. ‘Why did you get your mobile out to check it dad?’ ‘Good question … errr I dunno!’

We are supposedly very social creatures, and maybe in our personal isolations that we create when we are in places like London we have a secret fear that these isolations may become permanent. Do we live in fear of being cut off? Of missing the latest up to date message?

As an aside more and more people seem to be joining Twitter. I left it a few weeks ago because I just did not get it. I didn’t really want to know what people were doing every minute of their lives whether it was baking cakes or reading shiny vampire novels! Saying that, I feel a certain pressure to resurrect my twitter account!

I wonder whether texts, facebook, twitter etc. may draw us into an illusion that we are communicating with each other, that we are in community with each other and that we are not alone. If gives us a fairly attractive illusion of personal interaction. Now I do facebook and I ‘get’ facebook and I do feel very connected through it. But because of facebbook updates I know what is happening in my friends lives, and that surely must be a good thing!

But …what I have noticed is that and I am now a lot less less inclined to ring a person or visit them to catch up with some people. A few years ago I might have done, now I look for the updated status. It’s possible to make comments, but once a few people have congratulated, or sent concerns, offers of help etc. it does seem quite an empty thing to do to offer what others already have.

Weirdly, the more connected we feel through such applications, the more isolated we actually are as we hide behind our screens of various sizes. We think we are living together when in actual fact we are being sucked into our screens.

And what am I doing …. sharing this with you through my blog, from behind my screen, but at least it is safe here ….

answers vs presence

Posted on by
Reply

‘God himself does not give answers.
He gives himself.’
Frederick Buechner

I try to use a short reading from Listening to Your life as my final reading after Compline before going to bed. I like to mull the reading over as I brush my teeth and settle down to sleep, sleep on what I have read and reflect on it throughout the next day.

Today I remembered that I always thought being a witness, ‘doing’ mission, was about answering questions and giving answers that made sense. That is essentially what apologetics is all about. I am not knocking that.

I have noticed too, though, that in my waiting in spaces and being available for people I am seeing that just being present is sometimes what is needed.

I remembered this quote of John Taylors:

‘The Christian who stands in that world in the name of Christ, has nothing to offer unless he offers to be present, really and totally present, really and totally in the present. The failure of so many professional Christians has been that they are ‘not all there!’
Primal Vision SCM 1963 p.136

It seems to be that people are used to people not having time for each other. To share Christ’s love, to give a sense of the Kingdom here on earth we need to be really and totally present, which I think means giving time, giving space and giving self.

what counts?

Posted on by
Reply


‘And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years’.

Abraham Lincoln