Category Archives: family

frustrating emotions

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I’ve been a little more conscious of my humanity and frailty this weekend as I have put my back out and been hobbling around the house. This has meant that I have not taken part in any of the family or church stuff over the weekend – and so I have missed out on a beach walk and a church family event down by the river. I’ve been on the edge of things which has not been great.

It’s been quite a frustrating and painful weekend with me feeling pretty fed up and people coming near experiencing my frustration! It’s weird to reflect that those that I care most about seem to get the brunt of my frustration.

I guess this is a reflection of the fact that we feel less inclined to hide the reality of our situation from those we know that love and care for us. We don’t hide our true feelings from each other and so we expose ourselves, and those we care for, to both the best and worst of our behaviours.

If this is so – then it follows that genuine community (if a family is genuine community and I would say it is the best model) is not going to be the rosy atmosphere that some think it may be. As people in genuine community develop love and trust for each other, the personal guards drop and they become less inclined to put on a show of their behaviour. This means community will be messy and hard work, not a smooth beautiful ride as people sometimes seem to make out.

Community is not the answer to all life’s problems, in fact it will probably present a lot of life’s problems. I believe it is in the realities of situations like this, the rawness of genuine community relations, that the Holy Spirit can work authentically.

Messy but genuine!

Kung Fu present

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Over the weekend I went to see Kung Fu Panda with Joe.

I must admit I was not really looking forward to the film and I would far rather that Joe chose Prince Caspian to watch … but I gave him the choice and he wanted Kung Fu Panda.

The film was excellent – very moral with a self identity message, but also very funny and very watchable.

My favourite quote, which will no doubt appear in a future talk or sermon:

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”

12

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Today has been special for a number of reasons – particularly Beth becoming 12 today.

Beth – I am both amazed and incredibly proud of the talented young woman you are.

It’s a great feeling being a proud dad!

Fathers Day

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So … that was it … another Fathers Day.
I am blessed with 3 children that love me that today have been lovely.
This morning they presented me with a bottle of malt whisky – they know me so well!

I always have mixed feelings on this day.
I love it when my children want to make this day special, but there is always a ‘space’ or ‘hollowness’ knowing my natural father is out there but does not want to hear from me.
On days like today I think about God as father.
It should be enough.
But in honesty it isn’t.

I have heard a lot in church over the years on how to cope with this:
rely on God
allow the pain to be taken by Him
remember God is my father
acknowledge God loves me as I am
be satisfied that Jesus understands
and be positive and realise
everything works for the good

But it does not really help
on this particular day of the year
Instead of coping I experience
sadness
anger
pain
Instead of coping I fail
to understand
see the good
or thank God

I share this today as I know I am not unique in this situation.
I’ve experienced years of guilt forced upon me by well meaning books, speakers and attitudes.
I’m sharing this today as I believe it is ok to feel crappy today
God understands and I don’t think God wants us to pretend everything is ok!

so – if it helps, there is no need to feel guilty for feeling emptiness today – its ok, its natural and a phase. But … its important it remains a phase and we don’t allow it to be consuming, because we should be consumed by God alone.

personal reflection on weekend

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I’ve enjoyed the weekend.
I bumped into various people over the weekend and enjoyed brief chats which has been a cool thing to do.
One of this people was my local MP who I have known for many years and campaigned with quite a few times too. It was good to talk.
I’ve spent time with my children in various ways … visitng a new sports shop, going to a boot fair.
This weekend we welcomed Glen as an associate vicar to St Marks and enjoyed a bbq at the Vicarage garden.
It was also announced that Mike has accepted the the youth worker/chaplain post which I am incredibly excited about. This is such a fantastic appointment for both the church and the school. Mike and Mary were with us this morning as well.
This afternoon I had a good chat over a bottle of with with Gary – its been too long since we caught up.
An exciting weekend!

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The weekend has been good.

I like Sunday nights as I tend to reflect on the weekend. A lot of the time I regret missed opportunities, wasted time and so on, but this weekend I think time has been used well and I’d had some special experiences.

Walking along riverside with 2 of my children and 2 very special nieces and later all sharing a meal together was a real highlight of the weekend. It’s fascinating to see these children and young people rapidly growing and turning into adults and its hard not to feel blessed when observing them.

It’s unusual to feel great love and pride for my own children and my nieces/nephews all at the same time – but this weekend I was blessed by such an experience.

slow down and notice

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Back from a relaxing holiday which was a bit wet on occasions but we don’t let a little thing like rain spoil time away.

We visited a few places … vineyards, Leeds Castle (thanks Jen and Paul!), travelled on a steam railway and generally laughed and marvelled at how the children are growing up.

It was a great experience traveling on the steam railway. The character of the coaches, the clunking of the doors, the springy seats, the slow ramble through the countryside all made the experience so much better. It caused us to think that not all that is new is necessarily better. Sometimes, slowing down and having the time to not only notice but enjoy the environment around you is a great experience.

If we never do that we miss out on so much.

it’s all relative

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We’ve had a few mini disasters at home over the last few days.

Last week I smelt gas a couple of times in the kitchen and so gave Transco a ring to be on the safe side. they were with us within 30 minutes and disconnected and ‘condemned’ the cooker as it was leaking gas. Since then we’ve had someone come to look at it and it cannot be fixed – its a large range type thing over 15 years old which you can go longer get spares for and so we are currently surviving on a baby belling and microwave.

Last night we were both woken up by the dripping of water through our ceiling. Currently we have 2 buckets on the bedroom floor and tomorrow we are supposed to off on holiday for a few days in the caravan. As well as leaking, about a third of the ceiling looks very wet … so we may have an interesting time ahead.

I was starting to get stressed about this until I saw the news and remembered my brothers and sisters in Burma who have no food, no shelter, no warmth, no protection.

My little hassles fade into a total significance when I pause to think about others.

If you have not donated to the Burma Aid appeal you can do so by clicking here

The kids have got it!

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Over the last couple of days I have had some great theological conversations with my children. At the end of last week I was measured for and ordered robes and so I guess this has brought the ordination event in September to a sense of reality for all of us.

I’ve been impressed as I never thought my children were taking so much good stuff in. What I have been particularly excited about is that they have been asking challenging questions around what they have heard in church and whether ALL Christians believe that or just some Christians.

I was excited by this as it dawned on me that my children have grasped something lots of adults seem to take ages to grasp – that not all Christians necessarily believe exactly the same over various issues and that is it ok to think differently and still be a follower of Jesus Christ.

One of the many meanings of synagogue shared with me when I visited a local synagogue was ‘house of discussion’. This is something that I see as quite essential to church community – a place to discuss and churn over issues in the reality of life, rather than just listen to one opinion with no option to challenge or dialogue.

It’s great how children cans see through complicated stuff right to the stuff that really matters.

weekend reflections

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It’s been a great long weekend with lots of time to chill with the family and do some reading – although I am still struggling with the theology of other religions assignment which is becoming a bit of a frustration.

Yesterday we took a great walk along the coast from Seasalter to Whitstable. Looking along the coast and out to sea it was amazing to be able to notice and enjoy different elements of God’s creation. The sea is always a place where I feel the closest to God and parts of yesterday this was very true.

I enjoy noticing God in the everyday as it reminds me, and shows others, how accessible God has made himself to us:

God in the beautiful parts of creation we observed.
God in the joy of our children playing.
God in our conversations of laughter.
God in the ordinary everyday stuff of family life.

The great long weekend is coming to an end though as I have to attend SEITE tonight as I can’t make it tomorrow – although the subject is St Ignatius’ spiritual writings so I’m quite looking forward to it. (Honesty moment: I’d miss the lecture but I’m going to write my assignment on this so thought I should make the effort!)