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About robryan65

fallible human, like a phoenix runner spouse, father, grandpa, Jesus lover, creative, real ale, rum and malt whisky drinker dancing - expressing only personal views.

This is church?

Tomorrow, with my other colleagues in the diocese, I will be renewing my commitment to service as a priest in the cathedral at the Chrism Eucharist. This year Bishop Graham Cray is preaching and so I am looking forward to that.

For the last few years this has been a special time as we have all got together, with our bishop, to pray and re-commit to serving God and the church.

This year will be no different …. it will be still be a special time … but this year I find myself frustrated as to what the church has or is becoming.

Tonight I was planning for the MSM session that I will be teaching on next week and this video clip will be used:

It brought tears to my eyes tonight because I really do believe that this is what church should be. I really do believe that this is what I was ordained to be involved in. Sadly …. I also really do believe that the institution means that the meetings, sales, buildings etc etc etc so often take a higher priority than discipleship.

I guess I’m struggling to believe tonight that anything will ever change …. and that’s hard to stomach.

Because … if church is not about making disciples, if it’s not about love and liberation ….. then why church?

But …. tomorrow … I really do want to believe that this can be church …. so I will simply pray …. Lord help my unbelief!

 

interruptions

I saw this You Tube clip over at Cool Runnings …. it is definitely worth a watch. The joy on the faces of these ‘two brave ladies’ is something beautiful to behold. The video made me both laugh as well as bring a tear to my eye.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD2NtzEPBcA

After watching the video my friend asks:

I wonder how much of our lives are “interrupted” because of fear?

I’ve been holding that question throughout my day. I’ve been wondering if too many times or too often I have simply played safe, or worse … not stepped out, not changed, not tried some different ‘something’ out of a fear of what may or may not happen. So I’ve been wondering today …. how much interruption have I had due to fear and worry?

In Matthew 10 Christ says some pretty cool things about fear and worry …. basically that we don’t need to have them! So do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” … Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

As we travel with Christ during this Holy Week, ever onwards to the cross of Friday and into the empty disappointed numbness of failure that must have laced that first Holy Saturday … I’m carrying this thought with me ….

it’s all about grace

graceSo ….. we are here again.
Holy Week.
It seems to have come quickly.

Lots of people have said to me … ‘it’s your busy time isn’t it?’ Strangely … despite being ‘available’ to support a few churches I have not been ‘booked’ at all over the Easter period. I’m not complaining, as that does mean I can be available for people who do not cross the church threshold … but nevertheless it will be a little strange not actually leading anything or preaching in a church building this Easter.

Last year I preached and was thinking about vulnerability. I don”t think my outlook has changed much a year on … and the freedom from church stuff this Easter will mean I can stay in this vulnerability state for longer as I hang out in places where people might want to talk. I’ve come to find that there is nothing quite like a festival to get people asking questions. With that in mind I look forward to the pub on Friday evening.

If I am honest …. I am no more than meandering into this Holy Week …. and I meander with a sense of raw vulnerability and fear for what may happen both now, in the immediate future and the long term. I meander with the full knowledge that I am not in control … and in a sense it is right that I am not in control … and not having control means there is a need to trust both God and others …. and that is where I find myself today.

But I do not sit in vulnerability alone.
There is more.
So much more!

If this Holy Week brings anything to my mind … it brings grace.

“Grace sets the Christian faith apart from every other world religion. What is grace? Simply put, grace is God’s unmerited favor. You cannot earn grace; you cannot do anything to deserve grace. It is simply God doing something for you with no strings attached. God’s grace is solely motivated by love: deep, abiding, unconditional, sacrificial love.” Warren Wiersbe

For me … I am seeing more and more than everything … totally everything … comes back to grace. God’s unconditional love and acceptance really is that …. unconditional and total!

Some will try to tell you this Holy Week that you need to jump through certain hoops, believe particular things or behave in specific ways …. don’t believe them … they are wrong …. that’s rules … not grace …

This Holy Week is a good opportunity to focus on grace … that deep abiding unconditional no strings attached love that God has for you … seasoned through the cross, matured through the trip to hell, and available to us through Christ bursting out of the earth …

Holy Week … vulnerability …. grace …. that is all.

10 000 kids!!!!!!!!!

imagesI wrote a few days ago about the World Vision decision around having an inclusive recruitment and employment policy (in this case accepting people in same sex marriages … I mean … whatever your view … why wouldn’t you?!)

I wrote how lots of evangelical leaders slammed into World Vision, telling them that their very considered view and action was unbiblical, heretical and downright evil. Some even suggested that Christians should cancel their subscriptions … those monies going to children desperate for support, help and aid.

Two days later World Vision reversed their decision … so effectively saying; we love and accept everyone and all are welcome to join us …. oH!!! … hang on … no … no actually we don’t’.

The reversal of the decision was very sad. Frustratingly sad.

Jamie the very worst missionary writes much better about this than me here.

So, why am I bringing this all up again. Well … it seems that somehow Jamie had a telephone conversation with the CEO of World Vision yesterday.

The fallout from the inclusive policy was 10 000 cancelled sponsorships.

Take that in!
10 000 people cancelled their sponsorship of a child in desperate need.
10 000 children who had started to rely on that financial support had it whipped away in a flash.
And why ? …. because 10 000 people, no … axctually … let’s correct that …
10 000 Bible Believing Christians
felt very strongly that upholding their view of scripture to be far more important, far more vital, far more honourable than ensuring the poorest and weakest children in the most deprived parts of the world have vital funding to ensure they eat, are educated and housed.

10 000 children are at serious risk of being plunged back into extreme  poverty because people wanted to have their one sided Christian belief upheld.

That type of Christianity is so fucked up  – how can such action be anything like Christ like?
really??!!
10 000!

I am really feeling ashamed to call myself a Christian.
I think i’ll stop using that term …. because if this is Christian I don’t understand it or want to have anything to do with it.
Nowhere in the gospels do I see justification for such narrow mindedness meanness.
I want to distance myself massively from such behaviour!

Because …. Seriously … 10 000 kids!

(PS .. there is no apology for anything in this post …. if you find yourself angry and shocked by the use of a certain word above … may I humbly suggest that being angry about starving children being used as pawns in this argument to be far more worthy of our anger than some word that I use because I am not clever enough to think of anything else!! (well … that’s what my mum always told me anyway!)

 

a wild burst of imagination

Religious_life_keynoteLast Friday was a pretty amazing day. I simply have not had a chance to write about this yet. I also like things to settle and see what stays with me after such a packed day. The stuff that is lingering will appear below.

Along with a few others, Liz and myself represented the gathering, who were invited to the Archbishops Day Conference on Religious Life and Renewal at Lambeth Palace. It was a great opportunity to catch up with old friends and connect with some new people from both traditional and new monastic communities.

I was particularly encouraged as Archbishop Justin asked in his opening speech …. ‘what needs doing? What institutional changes are needed? How does the church, how do the churches (we are not all Anglicans here) obstruct you, hinder you when we should celebrate and support? What re-imagination do we need?’

He started by saying religious communities throughout history have been a major influence on renewing and energising the church. He also said we need a wild and spirit led burst of imagination …. hearing those words, from the Archbishop, in an 800 year old building in the seat of ‘the establishment’ were both pretty radical to hear … as well as incredibly life and permission giving. Once again, it seems, we have an Archbishop that wishes to bless ideas and imagination and wants to see creativity ….  I resonated with that ‘imagination’ word particularly as I believe God called my attention to imagination prayer the week before at the Contemplative Prayer day.

In the question and answer time with the Archbishop two things have stuck with me. When asked about permanence of religious communities and church, he said that he preferred to talk of stability. Permanence is affected by the external stuff and so is out of our control; but stability, said Archbishop Justin, is internal and we can live with that in our heart. So, rather than looking at being permanent, we should be searching for that feeling of stability.

The Archbishop also talked about how communities could celebrate the new and spontaneous as it appears. He urged each community to work out how they can do this as they perform their dance of the prophetic and the creative.

We broke into groups after both key note speeches in the morning and afternoon. I felt I heard one loud message very clearly which I will be taking back to the gathering …. that many communities experience shows that we can only grow as we rediscover our radical mission purpose. Part of this will involved the transformation of places of pain into places of hope.

This was backed up int he afternoon when Fr Etienne from the Chemin Neuf Community challenged us to think about the ‘charism’ that the gathering offered and how that might be released for the renewal of the church and the community. That’s a really interesting and deep question that I have come away with …. and something that we, as the gathering, will need to ponder … but hopefully not for too long … so we can get on and make a difference.

This was a great day …. and I give thanks for all those involved in planning. There are some comments from friends below …

 

love a threat to the gospel …. really?????

urlI have been shocked more than I thought I could by the reaction of some, mainly evangelical church leaders, to the news that World Vision has decided to hire people who are in loving same sex relationships. Some leaders are actually saying people should boycot World Vision, as in stop sponsoring amazing child poverty relief and education programs, which make an amazing difference, just because World Vision are going to have an open recruitment policy.

I am not sure if this makes me angry or sad or both.

I could write lots but Rachel has written excellently here … so go read …Rachel says:

And it puts into stark, unsettling relief just how out-of-control the evangelical obsession with homosexuality has become. Organizations don’t get “farewelled” for hiring divorcees. People don’t get kicked out of their churches for struggling with pride or for not wearing head coverings when they pray.  (See “Everyone’s a Biblical Literalist Until You Bring Up Gluttony.”But when it comes to homosexuality, Trevin Wax and many others have decided “the gospel is at stake.” 

That paragraph sums up what really concerns me. This seeming obsession with sexuality that people have lost the plot to such an extent that they are actually recommending a course of action that would result in children starving … that is so painfully ridiculous to comprehend.

Anyway … be sad …  be angry …  be whatever … but pray for World Vision!

Oh … and you could always sponsor a World Vision child!

amazing intern opportunities in Stepney

stepThis is an excellent opportunity in Stepney. Bishop Adrian is an amazing guy and I’d love to have the opportunity to work with him again. So .. below is a great opportunity to work in a creative and diverse part of London under the leadership of an amazing bishop … I have cut and paste this from an email:

The Stepney Area is looking to appoint up to eight Interns from September 2014. The scheme is a year’s opportunity to serve God in parishes in Islington, Hackney or Tower Hamlets, and has been running as part of the Church of England’s Ministry Experience Scheme (CEMES). If you are aged 18-29 and interested in living out your discipleship in an urban context and exploring a vocation to ministry, lay or ordained, this may be for you.

The scheme will include parish ministry, community living, and time for study and vocational discernment. By serving with others in places of need and opportunity in London, you will be challenged to think about God’s call to work for his kingdom in areas of poverty, unemployment and social inequality.

The Stepney Area The Stepney Area is part of the London Diocese, and is diverse, vibrant and multi-cultural, with rich and poor living side-by-side. It includes some of the most deprived wards in the country, but is also home to some of the most vibrant creative industries in Europe, and to Canary Wharf and the City Fringe. The popular destinations of Hoxton, Brick Lane, Shoreditch, Dalston and Islington are part of the Area, as are the Spitalfields, Columbia Road and Broadway markets. It’s this challenging and changing urban mix which makes Stepney an exciting place to minister, and to explore what it means to be the church for the 21st century.

The Intern Scheme

The Intern Scheme will provide a range of opportunities for you to explore parish ministry. These might include leading worship, preaching and teaching, pastoral work, mission and evangelism, youth work, schools work, social transformation projects, and community engagement with other partners.

The work you will be involved with will depend on the parish you are placed with and your gifts for ministry. You will be encouraged to develop your own particular strengths and interests, and the roles have flexibility to allow them to grow and develop around the individual.

As an Intern you will be allocated a clergy supervisor in your parish. There is also an opportunity for study, and for ongoing vocational discernment, including for those already exploring a vocation to ordained ministry. Accommodation will be provided where Interns will live together in community, though serving in different parishes. There will be a chaplain to serve the pastoral needs of the house community. During the year you will be encouraged to go on retreat, and the costs for this will also be paid for.

As part of the scheme, a subsistence allowance will be provided, and your accommodation, travel, training costs and parish expenses met. As a sign of your commitment to the scheme you will be asked to contribute £500 towards it. We can help you think of ways to raise this money, and a bursary fund is available.

Who we are looking for

We are looking for energetic, enthusiastic individuals who are flexible, able to take initiative and wanting to grow in faith and in the ability to communicate it. We are looking for people wanting to explore a call to urban inner-city ministry, at home with people from diverse backgrounds and other church traditions, seeking to serve God among some of London’s most vulnerable people, and wanting to experience the adventure of community living.

If you are interested, please contact Revd Fiona Green, The Intern Director, for an application form, or to discuss the opportunity further. 07786 541559. fiona.green@london.anglican.org.

Application deadline: Monday 31st March 2014. Interviews: Saturday 12th April 2014.

to be continued …

doorway overexposedLast night the gathering reached a particular milestone as we crafted the last of our aspirational statements which will say something about who we are, what we are trying to be, and how we are trying to live out our lives.

We are not quite there yet, but last night seemed to be a significant step in the right direction. We now have 4 aspirational statements which will give us something to aim for as we live out our lives of this Christian journey. I don’t really want to write them here in their entirety yet as we still need to re-look at them and craft them a little more together now each one has been written separately. The general themes of our aspirations are sanctuary, belonging, exploration and presence.

The next stage for us will be to re-visit these and craft them together so that they work. As I look over them collectively there is some repetition and we will probably realise there is some stuff missing. The community is quite passionate about hospitality .. so we may decide that needs naming specifically.

But … we have reached this stage and that is pretty exciting.

To be continued …

developing prayer

out_edited-1I had an amazing day yesterday at the ‘Developing a Contemplative Prayer Life’ day, facilitated amazingly by Julie Dunstan from the London Centre for Spirituality.

Essentially, this was a day of prayer … real engaging prayer! Often I have been to ‘prayer’ days when there has been a lot of talk about prayer, a lot of sharing of the struggles of prayer, a lot of looking at the bible to see how people of the past prayed, a lot of sharing of practices that we find helpful ….. but those days and events have never particularly had a lot of prayer in them.

This day was different.
We had loads of space to pray and practice …. and I guess this was my first real experience of ‘practicing’ prayer in a space with others and then having the opportunity afterwards to chat about how it felt, and what came up and so on. I had this thought, really, of how bizarre it is that in church we practice/rehearse music, we practice/rehearse drama and we will set up tables and chairs in preparation for some event … but we don’t really give people an opportunity to practice different types of prayer. We seem to say prayer is important and tyhen expect everyone to know how to do it!

Yesterday I spent a large part of the day practising how to pray, and then talking with people about it afterwards.

Julie took us through five different types of contemplative prayer, some of which I have used in the past, and some that were totally new to me.

I really loved the format of the day. Julie started each session with a poem and then a brief outline of the type of prayer. She would then lead us through that prayer for 20/25 minutes. We were then given a further 10 mins to reflect alone on that type of prayer and how we found it and what, if anything, that God brought up. We then shared with someone else what we were thinking. This was an amazingly relaxed yet deep way of progressing through the day.

We looked at prayer using our imagination with scripture, asking ourselves the question ‘where would I put myself in this story?’ Carl Jung said ‘the imagination is the bridge between the head and the heart’. I particularly resonated with this type of prayer. Whether that is due to myself finding myself leaning to the more creative sides of things (right brained thinker and all that) i don’t know, but straight away I was aware of an amazingly powerful connection with God.

We then prayed in a Lectio Divina style … chewing and turning over a particular phrase of word from Isaiah 55. This, again, was a rich fruitful experience.

After the lunch break Julie led us through a body prayer. Essentially this is what is says on the tin … we used our bodies to say the Lords Prayer. This was fun … although I admit to moving to the back of the church so no one could see me, ….. and although it was fun I did kind of agree with a friend who, in the feedback, expressed that he ‘felt a bit of a dick head!’ Although I did, I found some of the postures quite powerful in their allusions to vulnerability and, on a personal note, that is always a useful place to find myself in front of God.

For me, the hardest part of the prayer day was Christian meditation … but i think that is because it cam straight after lunch. I had a bit of a struggle to stay awake …. despite what people may say it’s not an age thing … just I had a full belly and was asked to make myself comfortable and sit silently repeating my meditation word. The word I use at home when I meditate is ‘maranatha’ … not because it is a particularly spiritual word, but more that it is a word that does not bring up any distracting images for me.

We finished the day using the Examen, which is a practice I use regularly. It’s a method of prayer that I love ending my day with as it helps me to look back over the day and identify where God was at work.

So … a great day … thanks Ian for organising this.

 

give it up

Just LoveThis is my second Lent blog post which also appears on the gathering facebook page for discussion.

The second chapter of the book looks at the urgent and patient. It looks at how vision takes time to develop. Interestingly it points out that Jesus spent the first 30 years of his ministry waiting … immersing himself in the life and experience of a carpenter in Nazareth. So … when God becomes human of all the things to do … God chooses to live as a carpenter in some chav town for 30 whole years before starting to do anything! Jesus spends around 90% of his earthly life being with people, and being present with some of the most marginalised and oppressed people in the earth.

I love this quote from Sam Wells:

‘Jesus spent a week in Jerusalem working for us, doing what we can’t do, achieving our salvation … He spent three years in Galilee working with us, calling us to follow him and work alongside him … But before he ever got into working with and working for, he spent 30 years in Nazareth being with us, setting aside his plans and strategies, and experiencing in his own body not just the exile and oppression of the children of Israel, but also the joy and sorrow of family and community life’                  

This waiting thing has been crucial to my ministry …. and I am totally sold out on that Jesus model of ‘getting under the skin’ of the community so that I am really able to work with people to see transformation in this town of Gillingham … rather than merely copy the mistakes of the past when well meaning people decided they knew what was needed and simply ended up doing things to the community.  I really believe that for any action to be authentic that it needs to be born in the cradle of this type of incarnational experience, immersed in the life and experiences of the area.

The passage used in this chapter is the passage I was asked to preach on at St marks on Sunday night. I shared on Sunday that in this particular bible passage that I thought Jesus was being tested to take the easy route by satan as he challenged his identity. A few words before this story  Jesus is baptised and God confirms how he is … and in this next chapter we see satan asking 3 question ‘if’ questions. If you are … if you are … if you are … I think what we are seeing here is a pretty clever attempt at some form of identity theft!

 

In all of these I think I see an underlying message …. without this help I cannot achieve my calling, without this I am hungry, without this I don’t have the access, without this I can’t win ….. without this …. I’m not good enough!

 

That is so amazingly relevant for us today … because we are constantly bombarded with adverts that deliberately and cruelly aim to get us to believe that we are not good enough while they play on our insecurities of inadequacy so that we really do start to believe that if I wear this deodorant, or drive that car, or use this makeup, or wear this clothing brand, or eat this yoghurt, or of I go on this diet that then …. I will … at last ….. thankfully become acceptable!

 

It’s rubbish! This message of our culture is just so horribly evil: it’s evil because it says you are never enough. Not skinny enough, smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, rich enough … and because you are never enough ….  then you never deserve respect, love, or acceptance.

I mentioned that instead of giving in to those lies, Jesus chooses to return to and believe the words of God at his baptism at the end of the previous chapter… that he is beloved and well pleased with!

And so … I believe if we learn anything from this account about how to live out our lives, how to trust our creator, then it is to be found in returning to God and trusting that from God we will receive the ability and strength to help us.

I wonder, whether this Lent time we need to start to give up our false images of ourselves. Images that with each breath tell us … we are not good enough, we are not acceptable, we are not loved. Images that doubt that ‘well pleased and loved’ view of God.

So … gathering , and others, discuss …..