Following on from yesterdays post about searching and not really knowing what I am doing, I have been encouraged to see others grappling with the same kind of issue:
I don’t know what I am doing half the time. I am interrupted, I am asking questions to which I have no answers. I am put in situations for which I am not adequate. I find myself attempting tasks for which I have no aptitude or inclination.’
I think even more helpful was a comment from Ig with this quote from Thomas Merton:
‘My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you’.
It’s encouraging to know that others have existed in this and do exist in this. It can be frustrating if you are impatient like me. It can also be exciting as we explore whether we are going in the right direction. In our society there seems to be some infatuation about destination which manifests itself in 5 year plans and strategies and so on. Although these are not bad things in themselves I do wonder whether we need to just allow the mystery of God to take a little more control.
I guess the best I can do in my situation is move forward and hope … and pray that I am moving in the right direction.