Yesterday I was invited to guide part of a retreat for the team of Greenwich YFC. The retreat itself was at West Malling Abbey which is a place about 25 mins ‘down the road’ but a place I never knew existed. Living there are an Anglican Benedictine community of nuns and when I arrived I was kindly shown around by Sister Shona.

As soon as I entered the heavy oak gate I could sense the power of God in this place. It was so calm and the surroundings so beautiful and well kept, you could not help but notice the presence of God in a real and tangible way. The Celts spoke of places where the sky was thin. I found one of those places today and will definitely be returning here, if at all possible, for my next private retreat. I fell in love with West Malling Abbey.

To start the retreat I introduced the team to ‘the journey’ which is based on Mike Riddles ‘God Zone’. I actually did this for the very first time when Jonny led a bunch of London YFC workers through the experience and have used it wit most of my teams since. The pictures below show how I set it up in the chapel – although you do need a bit of imagination.

I love doing ‘the journey’ because it really makes me think where I am with God and reminds me that no where is the wrong place, and that all the places are quite normal and experienced by all. The zones, very briefly are:
Mountain tops: high experiences when we excited and know where we are with God and all enthusiastic (returning from festival mode!)
Dark valleys: coming down from the mountain and wishing we were back/trusting we need just to move on
Deserts: were we struggle and sometimes question God’s existence as he feels pretty absent from our lives
Rivers: times of joy and washing
Lakes: times to chill out with God and just bathe in him
Sea: for me the scariest when we just have to let go, trust, and say ‘take me where you want’.

As a group of people we placed some glass beads to indicate where we were on the journey and explained that to the ret of the group. It was amazing to see how many of us were in more than one place, and how many of us were in both different and similar places. It too, became clear that the journey is something we experience continually in our lives.

Following this we had a time of prayer during which we became conscious that we were holding on to stuff that we needed to give (back) to God. To symbolise this we gave these varying things to God symbolically by wrapping a few grains of incense in paper and watched the incense smoke drift skywards in the quiet of the chapel. It really did look as if we were allowing dreams, fears and burdens to be slowly released to God.

Today seemed more special in these activities because of the wonderful location we had and the 500 years of history of worshipping God in this place. I also want to thank the Greenwich team for such a warm welcome and acceptance of me which made the whole morning very easy to guide – you are a great bunch of people and I hope to spend time with you again.

A final exciting and challenging thought for those that question the value of communities that ‘retreat’ full time. I noticed that there was a labyrinth cut into the grass. It seems this developed from a conversation between Hugh (director GYFC) and Sister Shona, as she was looking for something that they might use to engage with young people. It could just be that through trying something ‘new’ and inviting young people to experience it that this little group of nuns could influence the lives of far more young people than traditonal churches that have to continue to try the same old ways each Sunday. The thought made me smile. Just the fact that they are asking the question shows God is truly at the centre of this community.

I arrived back yesterday later that I had planned to for 2 reasons. One was the good old M25 being true to itself and catching you out be seizing to a halt between 2 junctions in the early afternoon when you least expect it to. The second was due to my mum trying to poison me! Maybe that’s an exaggeration but I think I had food poisoning which had me being sick most of the night and all morning leading up to the funeral. Afterwards I was seen stopping to find a carrier bag every now and again. But you do not need the gory details!

Families are great aren’t they. I have not seen my extended family for a while and I forgot how well us cousins got on. It was also great to meet up again with Sandra who was always my favorite aunty, who took great delight throughout the day of calling me childish names. Not I do not write them here!

It was weird, I left Weymouth over 20 years ago, but yesterday it was as if we had all always been there. I best describe it as being a bit like a video tape which has been put on pause – just for 20 years.

The funeral itself was ok as far as funerals go. I am the only Christian in the family and found myself praying as the vicar spoke of new life and Easter that something would sink in, but I did not really think that it would. A funeral has never seemed to be the best place to me to talk about a forgiving and loving God.

It struck me how people show their grief differently. Because of my need to be not far from the toilet I sat at the back of the crem and was able to observe others. Some were in tears, most were dignified, but one of my aunts was traumatised – to the extent that she wailed and flung herself on the coffin twice, the second time when the curtains were closing and I did have this horrible vision of her going through the doors on top of the coffin!!

That is not meant to be disrespectful – but the whole incident was both worrying and funny at the same time. People really did not know what to do – and I am sure we all feared the same fate for my distressed aunt.

I guess everyone grieves in their own way, and I wondered whether sometimes we are all too British and reserved. Sometimes, I guess, it is helpful to let stuff out in a major way.

As I looked to the ceiling while all this was happening I noticed that there was a copy of Murillo’s painting called Two Trinities. n interesting picture to have in the crematorium. I thought it could be a great reminder to people that what people in the coffin were going to experience could still be had here on earth – a full on relationship with my living God. That excited me and I did not expect to leave the funeral so excited!

I am just about to leave for Weymouth, the town of my boyhood. I often like going to Weymouth although, very honestly find my mum difficult at the best of times. Today I will need to try hard to be helpful and supportive as on Mother’s Day my Nan died and the funeral is tomorrow.

Why do these things happen on such bad days? Is there ever a good time for someone’s mum to die? Why doesn’t God make ‘mothers day’ a death free day for peoples mums? I guess those questions are shallow and silly – but they will be the kind of questions I get from my mum over dinner tonight. I honestly don’t know how I will answer them.

God, I just ask that I can be a good enough support over these next 24 hours!

Hey, look what happens when you keep the faith – last night was a great performance by the boys. I loved spectating – but still kicked the odd ball and definitely remember heading the ball off the line.

We are still in the relegation zone but only on goal difference now. Bring on the Ipswich on Saturday. Here’s hoping that Gillingham stay in the championship where they deserve to be.

I am already nervous. I did not think football had a major impact on my life but I am already worrying about the points we need to get tonight and our fight for Championship survival.

Sarah will tell me ‘it’s only a game’. Of course, in the wider scheme of things it is. If I compare the game of football with world poverty there is very obviously no comparison.

Richard wrote something on football a little while ago and it has been niggling me since. There is something about football that is incredibly infectious and emotive. I have been watching the Gills now for nearly 10 years since I returned from Bristol. I have seen normally quiet people become very loud and emotional during ‘the wonderful game’.

The thing I find odd is that I do not notice this in any other spectator sports. My experience here is not extensive, but football does seem to have a bit of a monopoly on crowds full of mixed emotion and I find myself asking why and wondering how this happened?

There is ‘something’ about ‘my team’ ‘our boys’ with comments like ‘we must win’, ‘we can’t lose to them’ and ‘we played well’. It is as if we are all playing the game with the 11 players on the pitch – flipping ‘eck sometimes I have even felt my leg try to kick the ball!!!! How weird is that?

I wonder if this is all about belonging? Is this nothing more that a base tribal instinct that is aroused within us when we all get together to ‘fight it out’ on the pitch. Two tribes fighting for victory? Or is it something else? Could it be an indication of the hunger of people in the UK? Are we replacing our worship of God with worship of our team?

I have no answers, only lots of questions!

It is only a game … although tonight is quite an important game where we need some points. I hope Gillingham has more pray-ers than Stoke tonight!!

Final thought? Does God enjoy football? If he does, I wonder who he supports?!!!

It was great to go to Greenwich YFC on Monday and meet up with Hugh and hear of the exciting strategy that they are starting to put together.

I’m also looking forward to seeing him and the team again as I lead part of their retreat on Friday at West Malling Abbey. I plan to help them us to think about where we all are with God, and where we would like to be. I really love doing stuff like this so it will be a great end to the week.

This evening we had a baptism service at church. I guess as far as Anglican churches go we are quite odd as we have a baptistry. Tonight 3 fantastic young people were baptised.

I had the pleasure of being able to share my brief thoughts on the older son from the Prodigal, while Sarah and Jake shared thoughts on the father and the younger son.

Tonight it was fantastic to see these young people supported by members of St Marks and at least 3 other local churches, friends from Gillingham YFC and family members who had traveled from as far away as Taunton.

A baptism service is always so exciting to see and, I think, a real privilege to be able to be present at.

In all- it has been a pretty cool weekend!

Glad to see that the mighty Gills go a well earned point at Leeds on Saturday, although it sounds like we were robbed! If only we could have hung on for 6 re minutes and got all 3 points we would have pulled ourselves out of the relegation zone.

It’s got to happen soon – I’m keeping the faith!

I had an interesting experience on Saturday as I went to facilitate a strategy morning with my old friends at Gillingham YFC. This was the first time I had met with them all since I left at the end of August and as slightly unsure of how things would work felt kind of weird as I saw them all and started to chat with them, and I think they did as well.

It was a cool experience for a number of good reasons. It was good to see that this team were still the same people but that they had a new way of working and relating to each other. It was good to see that Malcolm has successfully made the transition from team member to team leader. It was great to experience the passion of these people to reach out in new ways to the young people of Gillingham.

I was thanked at the end of the morning and my natural, without thinking, response was ‘It’s a pleasure to help out GYFC’. As I drove away those words came back to me and I thought … yes that is the truth, that is what I meant to say … even if, honestly, a small part of me wished I had been able to take up the invite to join my brother-in-law in a hospitality box at Twickenham!

In the afternoon we all went to Bluewater, the cathdral of shopping, in the south east. Sarah and Beth went shopping, while Tom, Joe and myself went to watch Racing Stripes at the cinema. The children then grabbed something to eat at various food outlets while Saah an myself enjoyed a curry when they were asleep.

Quite a good Saturday really.

Seems I missed this bit of news last week. The death of Bishop David Shepherd. There is an excellent page obituary in today’s Church Times.

Here was a hero who could teach today’s church many things. As we enter what is probably the most turbulent times the Anglican church worldwide has seen, we need sensible heroes like David Shepherd. Thankfully, I think Rowan Williams is one such hero.

Why do I think of David Shepherd as a hero? Simply because there was no division between his life and his ministry. One thing that stands out from his obituary is that he ignored ‘good advice’ and did what he saw as being biblically right. He did not worry about who he upset and regularly spoke out against politicians, most notably with Margaret Thatcher, and in my book that deserves a medal in itself!

One such example was in his time in the East End. Apart from moving into the area and setting up the Mayflower Centre he went against the advice of his vicar ‘to find any excuse you can to turn down invites to the christening or wedding parties’. He ‘forgot’ this as he knew that to share good news in the community that he needed to be part of the community – no wonder the church is so removed from society with thoughts like that being mainstream back in the 50’s!!

David Shepherd was a strong evangelical and yet one of the most remarkable relationships he had was with the Roman Catholic bishop of Liverpool, Archbishop Derek Warlock. These two men united together to tackle poverty and share Jesus in ‘their city’. They had differences but were strong and courageous enough to look above them to what united them.

If only people in authority in the Anglican church could do this now. As a member I have been completely frustrated over the last 15 or more years as I have seen our true missional focus watered down due to lack of momentum resulting from big efforts in arguing over theological differences over women priests, homosexuality, women bishops and now ECUSA and Canada. Yes, they are all important – but not AS important as presenting Jesus to the people of our communities. I pray that we can wake up soon.

I will not be leaving the Anglican church over gay bishops or women bishops – the thought to me is ridiculous! I am, however, finding it increasingly difficult to understand why I am part of a church where it seems more important to be right and prove others to be wrong, where it is more important to ‘out’ those we disagree with rather than love each other and encourage each other, where it is more important to maintain ‘traditional’ standards than care for the hurt, the broken, the poor. People say the above stuff is offensive. I find it offensive that they argue over stuff when people are dying without ever experiencing the love of Christ.

We need a David Shepherd type character today. As I said, I think Rowan Williams is one; I’m praying the new Archbishop of York, when announced, will be another so that, jointly, they can take us forward with integrity and courage.