I had a great little phone call from my friend Tony today.

Tony is one of those people you can rely on, he is always there and likes to ring with a little challenge, a question or encouragement. Today he rang to encourage me.

He had been praying and thought I was very much like a Jacob. He knows I have been struggling and questioning SEITE and asking why, is this right, and so on – and the comments today have both challenged and encouraged me.

I don’t think I am in the same league as Jacob. If Jacob is in the Premier Division, then I am in the Ryman South division and doing it part time for a laugh! I can, though, gain encouragement from Tony’s words. I am probably called to wrestle. If, as we believe, we are called into pioneering work as our past ministries bear out, then wrestle is going to be the middle name:

wrestle with the establishment
wrestle with those who do not understand
wrestle with the pain of ministry
wrestle with ‘what does this God mean here’

I guess I need to get used to the idea …. glad I went to the gym this morning!

Being away for the week at Staff Conference, and then being home briefly before joining my SEITE friends on a silent retreat, leaves me with loads of thoughts and musings and I don’t know where to start – for a change!

Over the next few days, weeks, maybe months or even years I think the stuff will filter out slowly .

There are, though, some interesting highlights. I am drawn back yet again to a realisation that I am a person that values friendships and relationships. I like to think that I am not, and that I am task orientated, and take or leave friends, but as I look back at the past week I realise that I am simply trying to fool myself.

Another thought is that maybe I am trying to protect myself as friendships inevitable incorporate a vulnerability – working on tasks do not – you either reach the target or you don’t.

I look back on the past week and I remember people. My highlights this year were:
the joy of seeing old friends from my decade with YFC
the fun and laughter with so many different people after sessions at the bar
a great game where I fooled Jemima by being an evil spirit come back from the dead to give her wrong information (I guess you had to be there!)
the privilege of praying with people
the humbling of being prayed for by others
the joy of seeing Roy and Flossie celebrating their 25 years in YFC
chatting about deep issues in the sauna and the jacuzzi
visiting Rhyl with friends
meeting new people like Leon – top guy
Drinking beer with lots of friends
spending time with established friends – too many to mention but you all know who you are

we had loads of great activities and speakers too – but the people are what make YFC such a fantastic, dynamic and beautiful movement to work with!

Even when I arrived at the SEITE retreat I was surprised at how I valued relationships here – it was very frustrating not to be able to chat with people and ask how they were – it seemed very alien! Next time I’ll have to turn up on time!

We’ll be sorry to see you go Hess!

You have done us proud over the years – maybe again in the future!

Hess the legend speaks here

Today Tom is 12 – Hapy Birthday mate!
How can 12 years go by so quickly?

It’s really weird to know I can remember minute details of that day 12 years ago in the hospital in Bristol, and yet I can forget things that happened only last month, week – or even earlier today!

AS just after 6 this evening I was able to say to Sarah that I knew exactly what we were both doing – Sarah was being tken off for a bath and I ws left in the delivery suite holding the 15 minute old Tom – I guess it must have been an important and speial moment. In fact, I even remember our first conversation on that day!

I remember the joy, the elation, the excitement which was all mixed with an awe, an amazement that we had created this fantastic little person as well as a good dose of fear and anxiety as to whether I was ready to be a dad, and a hope that I would not be a dad like mine!

I often wonder where that love for Tom came from. It’s clear it was there, but its also clear that it was there for Tom before he was born. I loved the child in the womb before I knew anything about him or her.

I wonder if that is something of the image of God within us. As God loves us unconditonally, is there is inbuilt love within humanity for their own? Is that a mark of the creator within us?

Another thought – I still know the excitement of that first love for Tom and when I think of it I think it must reflect in a a very minute way the love that God feels for each of his creations; and I guess he experiences some of those fears and anxieties for us as well.

Happy Birthday Tom!

I have the hardship of YFC staff conference here for the next week.

In past years they have not had an internet connection available so it will be a case of no blogging till next week.

Have a good week – I think I will!

This weeks Church Times devotes it’s middle pages to looking at the MPH campaign and what still needs to happen.

Personally, this time last year I was full of enthusiasm and felt we could do something major. Great thins have happened, but I do feel more than a little let down by my MP, my party and my government on this issue – so much more could easily have been done. Why, for example can’t debt be written off earlier, and what is the issue for rich countries with only 0.7% of their income going towards aid? It’s less than 1%, such a small amount with the budgets that these people deal with. It’s saddening that despite the profile of poverty and its effects that still these countries refused to be moved to compassion, even when it involves such a miniscule percentage!

So … poverty is not history yet – which means we keep campaigning. I remember feeling similar after the Free Nelson Mandela concerts … nothing happened, so what did we do – we kept campaigning, supported ANC, continued writing letters and just let our voice be herd again, and again, and again!

Poverty isn’t history yet – so we need to do this again!

There is no clear policy yet on what happens with the MPH campaign in 2006. It may just hand on to outhers, or it may reform in a new partnership as essentially the big push was for the year of 2005 with the unique opportunities 2005 gave. And what a campaign – 31 million people from 84 national coalitions campaigned to raise awareness and demand action – and still governments just did the minimum!!!

Poverty isn’t history yet so there are still things we can do in 2006:

– Go to the MPH website to explore options for ongoing involvement.
– sign the Micah Call
– contact your MP through the stop aids website
– do stuff with the Jubilee Campaign
– keep in touch with the trade justice movement

This morning I have finished all my assignments and so can breathe a huge sigh of relief! It feels pretty cool to know that I don’t have to worry about these 3 assignments anymore and can think about the rest of the term.

The big assignment was on prayer and I have just sent out my latest weekly prayer diary which led me to think on how amazing prayer actually is – see my comments on the Heel of Heaven for what I mean.

It’s amazing and humbling to know that this week, as in other weeks, that there are around 30 people praying for me during the week, 30 people joining with God at the foot of the throne – it gives me a confidence I cannot describe – thanks people!

(oh … if you’d like to join the 30 with a weekly mail let me know!)

Roy has been very funny and clever here.

I’ve also uploaded our snow pics into Flikr.

This evening we dismantled the Christmas tree and moved it to the back garden. From here it will be chopped and recycled – some friendly, and some not so friendly as the children love the noise the pine needles make on the open fire when we have one. It’s like New Year’s Eve all over again. If you are going to try it – make sure the fire guard is very in place as the sparks do fly noisily.

I hate taking the tree out as it means Christmas, the season of fun, friends, families, is all over and we are back to reality and work.

Today I got 500 word of my essay done – only 2000 to go! I’m hoping that means I am now on a roll!

Found this great new blog which is going to be a favourite for collecting quotes from.

The last couple of offerings:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain

Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let’s not be afraid to receive each day’s surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy. It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.

Henri Nouwen

This blog is going to save hours of time for loads of us!
Thanks Len!