After spending some time with Simon I took the short journey to Marlborough to meet with Dave and Susannah who are the other two members of the team traveling from the UK to Kenya.

We put together a skeleton of a programme which I guess could change as soon as the team gets into Kenya. My limited experience tells me things can change in location!

I have difficulties with the whole of this which I am trying hard to reconcile myself with. My heart and mind shout at me that this whole concept is wrong, I don’t wish to be seen as a ‘white expert’ coming into a culture that I have no understanding of that culture with the remit to train youth workers. I believe these youth workers have far more idea than any of us at how they can best reach and develop the faith of the young people of their culture.

While I hold that belief firmly I am also holding in tension the way this whole opportunity seems to have a ‘God print’ upon it. My gifts complement the rest of the team, and apart from my reluctance to go based on my personal thoughts I can’t think of a good reason not to go.

But…the thought of going still makes me uncomfortable, or is that just fear!

Today I got to meet with Simon, the Director of Swindon YFC. Simon has just returned from sabbatical where he has been thinking about faith and young people.

It was great to be able to hear Simon’s thoughts and how God has refreshed his vision.

His only complaint … that the sabbatical was too short.

I came away tinking how incredibly key it is to take time to reflect on our practice on a regular basis, to visit other people to see what their practice is like, to speak with others to ask why they practice in the way that they do.

We may not all be in a position to be able to take a long sabbatical, but there must be ways we can build in regular times of reflection and personal questioning – if we don’t we risk just carrying on without thinking about why.

“Of course it is hard to let go. But it is also right to let go. For the country, and for you, the party.

“You’re the future now, make the most of it.”

Two emotional comments.
Two hard comments.
Two comments we don’t hear often enough.

How many of us know of leaders in both churches and businesses that have staid in the job too long, too scared to pass things on, or let go of things.

As Tony says, it is not easy to let go, but it is necessary to do so. It is necessary to move aside so that others can move in, build on what has been done, and take the creation to a higher plane.

In ministry I believe this is one of the hardest things to come to terms with, that of knowing when to say ‘I’ve taken this as far as I can, the future is now up to someone else’.

Quite often,in my experience, the time to do so is when things are going well and you are, in surfing times, riding the crest of the wave. If done with skill people are surprised that you are leaving and initially feel that you are wrong; in fact you look back and ask if you are doing the right thing! In hindsight people look back and see the decision was correct.

Tony may have been slightly pushed, but he still has the grace and courage to stand aside even though it is a hard and painful experience for him to do so.

If only there were more people willing to take that painful step, especially in our churches, to allow the future to develop … I wonder what things would look like?

The last 2 weeks have seen a series of annoying little things happening which have been building and building until you end up thinking ‘what the flip is going to happen next!’

First there was emails going astray, then the YFC spam filter rejecting key emails from trusted sources, then not being able to get an answer about vaccinations (and still not!), I got home on Friday to a house with no power due to the boiler tripping the whole system, yesterday this was fixed and cost us £150. Life seems to be a bit of a battle at the moment.

Some would, and have, said this is spirtual attack as I am considering going to Kenya. I’ll acknowledge that they have started to happen since this idea came up, and that we have had an unusual run of difficulties, but is this really ‘the enemy’ trying to prevent me off going to Kenya. I’m not so sure. How can we tell?

I’ve never been one for seeing demons under tables and casting out the odd sneeze here and there; but I am intrigued by the number of people that have used this language of ‘spiritual attack’ in this context in particular. If something like Kenya had not been on the horizon would I even be thinking or writing this? If I am only seeing these things, or attacks, now, rather than all the time, does this mean that the rest of my work with YFC is not worthy of a spiritual attack. If it was surely I should be seeing boilers blow, washing machines break, things go missing all the time – but then maybe I do!

I don’t wish o knock this outloook, I am merely questionning this whole language and asking the question – is this ‘attack’ or this ‘just life’?

And saying that – should it be ‘just life’ anyway?

I’ve blogged about Post Secret before. People design or adapt post cards to tell their secrets and some get posted online.
I think this is an excellent website and the secrets shared are both fascinating and moving.
Today I pre-ordered the post secrets books from Amazon which is published in November – currently its at 50% discount and so I think an excellent bargain at only £8.49.

I’ve just ordered 10 mini cards free from photos I have taken and got stored on flickr at the Moo site. It was easy and I hope they turn out ood!

If you have a flickr pro account you can try out some free crds too.

Anna posts well here on the need to show young people we support them all the time, not just when they are doing good things.

A welcomed different tone from the hoody bashing bandwagon mentality of stuff I read in our newspapers!

Thought provoking post here from Jason.
Part of what I was trying to convey yesterday was that becoming a Christian is an honest and vulnerable living out of the image of God.
There are some interesting comments follwoing the post too.

This morning I spoke about the Trinity in church.

I shared that whatever or whoever God is, that our doctrine of Trinity suggests two things over and above all else – that God has relationship at the core, and that God is a missionary.

It strikes me that many of our programs forget this over and over again. Somehow we believe that if we can answer peoples questions, if we can prove the resurrection, or the virgin birth, or this or that ‘truth’ then people will have no choice but have to believe, have to become followers of Christ.

If we don’t go down that road another common one is that if people see us doing good deeds, or immersed in good activity that they will become ‘intrigued’ and so turn to God.

I think we are missing something here. It’s not about answering questions, or about being right, or about helping out, or about ‘taking God to people’ – bizarre as God is already clearly present in God’s creation!

I think it is all about being transformed.
I think it’s about focusing on the Trinity and allowing ourselves to be overwhelmed, immersed, and totally overcome by God.
I think it’s about allowing God to overwhelm us so that God can transform us.

I believe that my small community needs to see transformed lives, not clever answers or good deeds, if they are going to consider God. I believe they also need to see trust and vulnerable honesty, rather than (often poor) attempts at justification or explanation.

When the bind man was healed and pulled before the people they asked him lots of questions and he answered none of them. ‘I do not know anything about all of that’ he said, ‘but I do know that once I was blind and now I see’.

Sharing how God is transforming my life is, I believe, the only way I can engage with people who need to encounter the transforming love of God for themselves.

Well, it seems I have made the decision to try and go to Kenya.
At the Gloucester YFC launch, while sharing her vision, Michelle made a statement that brought me up short.

God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.

This is not new, it was a reminder. Actually, it was more of a reminder of what I would say to be people who would say things like ‘I’m not up to this’ or ‘I don’t think I can do this’ or ‘This is just not me!’. All the excuses that I have kind of been coming up with!

I said try and go to Kenya.
I ask for prayer again, but this time to make it happen!

It seems my doctor surgery, Kings Practice, do not think they can give me an appointment in time to have vaccinations before I go. The first day they can give me is 2 weeks before I fly and I will need more than one visit! So … if I’m going to go, something needs to happen here. So, if there are any friendly doctors or nurses out there …!

I am going to visit the practice on Monday to see if I can speak to a nurse about whether there is anyway this can be done.

Watch this space …