Kim … we’ll miss you

Kim … we’ll miss you.
We knew you for too short a time.
Yet you made an impact,
causing love to grow around you.
The zeal of that brief friendship,
will live with us forever

Kim … we’ll miss you.
Your cheeky smile.
Your infectious laugh.
Your passionate zest for life.
You leave a vacuumous space that
will never be filled

Kim … we’ll miss you.
We never did have that drinking contest;
just as well – you would have lost!
But we have not lost you;
you will live in our hearts.
Cancer can’t kill our memories.

Kim we’ll miss you
we have to ask ‘why you?’
29 is too young to die!
We’ll never understand,
but we hope,
one day to meet again.

Kim … we’ll miss you.
We are privileged
to have seen you in our lives.
You were taken too early.
At least now you
rest in peace

This morning Kim lost her fight against cancer and died.
I know a lot of you have been praying for Kim and Steve.
Thankyou.
Please continue to hold Steve in your prayers

silence pt 2 … you want reality …. remove the masks!

The silence has continued. Throughout the rest of the day I chose to do a little reading but mainly sit and listen while repeating the Jesus prayer as a mantra. As distractions came I acknowledged them, as Abbot Jamison suggested, and then returned to my mantra.

I the silence, the still small whisper of God became barely audible
I was reminded of what one of the retreat leaders had said earlier in the day.

God loves the real me.
The real thing!
The me that no one else sees.
The me I keep locked away in secrecy.
The me I conceal from others.
The me I hide from myself.
The me I run away from.
The me I wish wasn’t me.
The me no-one knows.
The me I don’t know.

In the silence
God made me aware
of the many masks
that I wear

The mask for family
the mask for church
the mask for friends
the mask for work
the mask for God
the mask for me

Multiple masks
Multiple identities
Multiple actions and reactions
for so long that now
I have to ask
‘will the real me step forward’

In the silence
Listening
The voice…
to discover your true self
to find your true identity
the real you
the real you that I know and love
you need to take courage
you need to remove the masks
and be the person I have created
the creature I gave birth to
your true self

The thought scares me, but I think this is a long process that God is calling me into. I feel God has spoken to me in the silence and through ‘Finding Sanctuary’.I look back and can see that I have copied identities that I see around me, popular ways of doing things, not unlike teenagers at school all wearing the same brand trainers to ‘look cool’ and thinking they are individuals expressing their creativity and right to choose. I don’t wish to look cool (can you look cool at 41?!) but I can acknowledge the same process happening. Instead of really tapping into my personal, God ordained creative life, I look to others. I guess we all do to an extent.

Thomas Merton said : ‘Many poets are not poets for the same reason that many religious people are not saints: they never succeed in being themselves. They never get round to being the particular poet or the particular monk that they are intended to be by God’ Jamison goes on to say ‘People fail to be themselves because it is easier to be somebody else’.

I think this ties in my (not) resolution to shine like stars.

Silence pt 1 … the unforgettable tune

12 hours of silence and I feel strangely refreshed.
I’m rediscovering the old mantra
There was a terrible wind,
but God was not in the wind.
Then came an earthquake,
but God was not in the earthquake.
Then there was a ferocious fire,
But God was not in the fire.
Then there was a still small whisper …

I am finding God in the still small whisper
after only 12 hours
immersed suggests I’m powerless
saturated feels like an advert for low fat spread
this is different
this is like coming home
resting in passion
not just in presence

the coils of my DNA seem to resonate
with not a new song
and
not a forgotten song
but
a song that I have just realised
that
I have not sung for a little while

a song whose melodies
i enjoy
know deep down
understand little
but love massively

It’s like hearing a tune from school days on the radio
you know, that song you loved
but had forgotten.
you hear the tune
and before you know where you are
you are singing along with the words
word perfect

So perfect that
when driving
through a tunnel
and the radio loses the signal
you keep singing
and you smile
when you emerge
realising
that you kept in perfect time.

Such an unforgettable knowledge
is not learnt in lectures, books, talks
it is buried in the heart
and apparantly
it only needs a few notes
before it is awoken.

Silence at Emmaus

My friend, Anonymous, is probably going to make some comment as this weekend I am going on retreat again. But its not a YFC retreat this time.

With SEITE training we have 7 weekends away each year, and one of those weekends is the course retreat which happens to be in silence from Compline Friday to Compline on Saturday.

I have no problem with silence, in fact I enjoy it, although I do think it is alien at meal times and you only need to look at someone slightly differently to produce a smile and stifled giggles. Indeed I am going to wear my new purple hoody with hood up so I can make no eye contact and can fulfill my duty to eat silently.

I am currently reading Finding Sanctuary by Abbot Christopher of The Monastery fame, as this is the book that the Moot community are reading at the moment. Interestingly in one of the chapters the Abbot asks the question ‘how long should you be silent to start with’. His answer is not 24 hours … but a very surprising 5 minutes!!! He does then go on the say that to achieve this 5 minutes will probably take around 15 but even so, I can’t help but think 24 hours is too long to move to from nothing.

My group is on worship duty so each of us has prepared a worship slot for the weekend. I get to do evening prayer tomorrow just after dinner and so have prepared a track and brief meditation to get us thinking about who we are and preparing ourselves for silence.

So a weekend of quiet is ahead … I feel even more guilty hat usual about leaving Sarah and the children. The Church of England … working at keeping families together!

Kent Pioneers and Communities

I have a little project for April.
I wish to spend a day and visit a few Chritian communities and/or pioneers in the Canterbury / East Kent area, particularly looking at how they operate, how they started, how they work with pastoral issues, sacraments, worship and so on.
So … anyone know of people I could visit?

Ali’s 65th .. will and skill

This week one of my hero’s celebrated his 65th birthday.
Muhammad Ali was 65 on Wednesday.
Great entertainer, great sportsman and who will ever forget the awesome sight of him climbing the steps of Olympia to light the Olympic Flame in 1996.
Ali has also said some interesting things over the years, and the BBC have set up an Ali quotes page.

I’ve been thinking a little about champions recently and was interested in this Ali quote:

Champions aren’t made in gyms, champions are made from something they have deep inside them – a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.

The will must be stronger than the skill.

Seems to me today that even in church circles, there are a lot of people who have the skill but not the will.
I meet people who could be ‘champions for Christ’, running the race before them … they have all they need, but they lack the will, the desire is great but it seems to be far outweighed in their minds by the cost. They want the privilege and excitement of ministry, but are not willing to pay the cost, live in the territory that comes along as part of that ministry.

On the other hand I meet different people. People who give up secure jobs to follow their dream, people who wonder where the next pay cheque is coming from even though they could get a good job in the city, people I cry with as they count the cost of what they are doing for God which does mean missing out, economising, being criticised, being taken for a ride … I could go on.

I think the latter group are champions.
They have the skill and the will.
But the will is stronger than the skill.

Traffik Free Chocolate

I was shocked by the email I received this week from Stop the Traffik.
Nearly half the worlds chocolate comes from Cote D’Ivoire, in Africa.
12,000 children have been trafficked into cocoa farms in Cote D’Ivoire.

12000!!!!

I read that statistic as Joe, Beth and Tom were eating a chocolate bar nearby.
I shivered.
It was a chilling feeling as I realised that if circumstances were different it could by my children, that could have been stolen from us to work in a cocoa farm.

When we buy chocolate we are being forced to be oppressors ourselves as we have no guarantee that the chocolate we eat is ‘traffik free’.

Diabate and Traoré had left their village in Mali to go to Ivory Coast looking for enough money to afford a bicycle, but they were sold to a man who had paid 50,000 West African Francs (about £50) for the two boys and he wanted the money back—in labour. The boys from Sirkasso met about twenty others in the same predicament and learned that no one was ever paid. They slept in a rectangle-shaped mud hut that initially had windows but when some boys found they could escape during the night, the windows were sealed shut. Diabate and Traoré remember eating mostly bananas, though they would gobble up the cocoa beans, as others did, whenever they got the chance. Many months passed, and the boys forgot what the purpose had once been for this adventure. Life became a struggle to exist, then hardened to despair.

They gave up thinking of escape. They were under constant threat of beatings if they were caught trying to flee—and they had seen several boys treated savagely—they were actually spooked by a belief that they were under a spell. Read more in Carol Off’s book “Bitter Chocolate”.

We can do something really simple here by buying our chocolate which is guaranteed to come from traffik free sources. You can see a list here, and a lot of brands are stocked in high street shops and supermarkets.

Why not commit to buy traffik free chocolate and go to the chocolate campaign page to see what else we can do.

SORs

Nice to see a different angle here on SORs from the evangelical world.
In all of this my concern has been what people have been seeing.
I pray and long for people to see Christianity as a faith of that displays love, acceptance and compassion irrespective of race, colour, sexuality, age, opinion, lifestyle… Too often we are seen as protesters who want to prevent… anything. I pray we can re-address the balance.

mission talk of unity in diversity

I had two conversations today, in two very different places.

My first of the day was in Gillingham as a few got together to think about Love Gillingham later this year. We chatted about what we should be thinking about doing, who we should ask about what needs doing – basically how we can show the love of Jesus in a relevant and tangible way in the community that is Gillingham.

I then hopped on a train to Victoria and met up with Ian Mobsby from Moot for one of my supervisory meetings. Here again we talked about mission in the context of Moot and how it seeks to reach those who are searching in the context of city life with a postmodern and disenfranchised or deconstructed/reconstructing sense of faith.

Two communities that in many senses are miles apart from each other, but are united in their desire to become more Christlike in the spaces that they find themselves in during the course of everyday life. Two communities that seek to express themselves in their own ways that mean something to where they are, but would probably look a little odd if taken out of their prticular contexts. Diverse approaches underpinned by the centrality of Jesus Christ.

I currently have a frustration.
That frustration is that some think there is ‘one right way’ to do things.
One right, underpinned by scripture, way to worship.
One right, underpinned by scripture, way to be involved in mission.
One right, underpinned by scripture, way to baptise.
One right, underpinned by scripture, meaning of the Eucharist.
(yep … 4 points, not 3, which I know is the right way, underpinned by scripture…)

Why do we all have to do the same?
Is it conceivable to think that in early Christian times all churches with poor communications between communities, were able, or even felt the need, to do the same?
Would the same even have been appropriate for everyone?
Even then, would one size, one approach, have suited all?

I love diversity!
We only need to look around the creation to see God’s love of diversity.
On a smaller scale, a wander around any art gallery, will show the gift of diversity of expression that God has given to humanity.
With the complete richness we have been given, surely God expects us to use that richness in all we do – in our lifestyles, our worship, our mission.
If we use our diversity, uniformity is not only impossible, but would be ludicrous to attempt.

But what of unity?
I’m told to be united as ‘one church’ we all need to do the same.
But … what about …
A unity, where we know we are on the same journey, being loved and accepted by the same God, searching for that same God in our own lives, living where we are.
A unity that allows us to share, laugh, talk, discuss, respect, love each other no matter what our opinion would be.
A unity that allows us to stand around one table and share one bread.
That’s my dream!

Tom is 13!


Happy Birthday Tom.
Tom is 13 today!
13 years ago we lived in Nailsea, Bristol.
13 years ago a little boy that fitted in the crook of my arm was born.
13 years ago life seemed so calm.
Today it all changes.
Today we become parents of a teenager as well as youthworkers.

Tom is 13!
Happy Birthday mate!