I am kind of struggling today with the whole thing of letting people down.
My back is still painful, although much better after spending 30 minutes with the osteopath yesterday, which has meant I have had to cancel meetings in London, lunch with a friend and a trip today to meet up with Jim of Cambridge YFC.

One of my failings, so I am often told by others, is of ‘not suffering fools gladly’ which tends to manifest itself a lot in being let down or letting others down. I hate cancelling things, or being cancelled as it were – so the last few days have been painful mentally as well as physically. I guess I have a sense of guilt brought on by my self-confessed stupidity of trying to lift a box in the wrong way.

Currently I have a passion for not singing in worship. It’s probably a ‘stage’ I’m going through, but I find many popular worship songs of the moment that talk about ‘me and my emotions’, rather than focusing on God annoy me and seem to be shallow. I smile when we sing ‘it’s all about you Lord’ in the middle of such songs as the reality of the words of the other songs suggest otherwise.

Today, however, the words of Tim Hughes ‘Be My Everything’ clearly came to my head as I was considering my feelings. The words of verse 2 particularly struck me:

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Reading those words as I currently feel brings a whole different understanding and meaning to the words. I have forgotten, and so missed, God in my hurting. I have been so keen for healing to be able to move on, that I have missed that opportunity of resting with God in pain (which I acknowledge is minimal to pain experienced across the world my others on a daily basis).

My prayer today, then, is not ‘God be my everything’ as I’m not sure what that means. I pray:
God, show me what it means to let you be my everything