As a follow up from my last post the man I had agreed to meet did not show. There could be a number of reasons for this – I assumed he knew where the cathedral was, he may have got held up in work, he may have lost courage, God may have brought someone else into his life.

While I sat and waited in the cathedral for an hour I reflected on how I was feeling. In the past I would have felt frustration at the no-show, maybe even a small amount of anger. The frustration would have its heart in my desperation to see lives transformed and believing I had some key role in that. The anger would come from a badly arrogant view that I was important and this (usually young) person was simply wasting my time.

On Tuesday I felt neither and still feel neither. As I wait more and more I seem to be understanding just a little that God does the work, not me. Not only does God do the work, but God also controls the time. God caused this man to cross my path on Friday and ask for a time to chat, God will do that again and my role is simply to understand that it is about the other person and God and not really a lot to do with me.

It’s amazing but I feel a massive sense of privilege, even in the no-show. While waiting I was chatting with God, asking him for wisdom, asking to be prepared, asking for God to work through me in this conversation. I can’t put my finger on it, but an hour with God will have changed me in some way, so despite the fact this gentlemen never showed up, the conversation was still one of transformation.

I have no worries about meeting this man again, or of missed opportunity. God brought us together once for an encounter. We can never know what God does through such encounters, but we do know that if God chooses to bring us together again it will happen.

What I am focusing in on slowly is that it is really hard to let God. We sing of God being Lord, God being in control, God pulling things together, God causing things to happen … and yet sitting back and giving God the time to do that is really very very difficult. There is an unwritten pressure to have outcomes, to see results, to actually plan to do something.

I am very fortunate here in that the Dean and Chapter and the Diocese are giving me space to look, observe and try to discover what God is doing and then respond to that and join in with it. This takes time and space and I’m very conscious of how privileged I am.

I write with some tentative excitement.

The last few days have seen an interesting turn in my ‘waiting’ which has taken me a little by surprise.

To put this in context, a large part of the pioneering side of my role has involved me hanging out in 2/3 particular places on a very regular basis. I have visited one pub in particular nearly every day since I was ordained (apart from weekends). While there I have sat in roughly the same place. Sometimes I have just sat and ‘waited’, other times I have sat and read but always making it clear, through body language and only reading little bits and then looking around that I am not ‘busy’ and so am ‘available’. All the time I have been there I have been praying and asking God to show me stuff that I need to see.

For most of the last 12 weeks I have say alone with the odd nod or hello but not very much more. On one particular day of the week a married couple who happen to be catholic sit opposite me and we chat and generally share things while building a relationship. On another day, a group of old retired men have befriended me. These men have met each week for around 15/20 years for a couple of pints before they then go home. They served in the war together and it is a real pleasure to be part of their conversation. Again, we simply chat about football and other stuff that is in the news.

Looking back – those 2 ‘meetings up’ with people are quite incredible in themselves in such a short space of time. I never made the first move with either ‘group’ but merely responded to them.

On Friday and again today some chance conversations have occurred on a different level. To cut a long story short 3 separate men have approached me and told me that they ‘need religion’. We chatted about why and stuff like that and one out of the three has asked to meet me in the cathedral on a particular day to chat about ‘faith and stuff’. Then other two have asked if they can chat but did not want to commit to a particular time, and I am not worried as they know how to find me. These three knew I worked in the cathedral, knew that I am not around on Saturday and knew I spent a lot of time in this pub – nothing out of the ordinary apart from I didn’t tell these people where I worked or when my day off was – they had noticed and found out themselves. One even noticed that I drank coffee in the morning and had the odd beer in the afternoon or lunchtime!

I guess I should not be surprised by this but I am. I am surprised in the main because I have done nothing to encourage this response. I have simply sat in a pub, each day, looking around or reading, and responding to people. I have never made the first move in a conversation beyond the simply ‘hello’ or ‘how are you today?’This I have done as I think some people wonder what they should say to a vicar and sometimes can be uncomfortable.

I don’t know where these 3 conversations will go, nor do I know where my chats with the men or the couple will go either and it may be that we just chat socially for a bit and move on.

But … I am excited and amazed and not a little dazzled to be able to see that God is moving and does not need my help, just my willingness to be there.

Despite all this walking across the threshold of this place again today was still hard work. When inside I feel comfortable – but before hand I do feel pretty daunted and scared – please keep me in your prayers!