It seems that Herne Bay Court has a wifi signal in some part of the building and my room is above it … so as it’s free it would be a waste not to make use of it.

The weekend so far , and I guess it’s nearly over as we are leaving after lunch, has not been as bad as I thought but I genuinely fail to see how the stuff we have been looking at is of great use to me. The skills of listening and reflecting and so on are useful and important, and they will be used in my role, but there are so many other things that I feel I can be spendng time doing, and things I am less well equipped in, especially as the first year of my training has been exactly the same as ordinands being trained for parish life.

I sense I am starting to get frustrated as I keep hearing that as an person training for OPM my training needs altering, and yet I fail to see this happening. I fear that time is running out and I wish to have the opportunity to prepare and reflect as best I can be with the limited time we have.

Last night I got angry in a lecture as I was told my pratice of 20 years or so of not getting into a pastoral situation with a woman was ‘the cowards way out’. I found myself getting angry as this statement was, in my opinion, called into question the legitimacy of my whole youth work practice, alongside that of YFC and others, and belittling it with a rash statement while denying me the chance to enter into dialogue. Interesting that during the day we were talking about priests putting themselves on pedestals and how we should stop doing that. I think this was an example of self pedestal placing by making a bold statement to contradict what I had shared earlier and then denying the opportunity for ongoing dialogue by using authority to move on to the next topic due to time constraints.

I’m finding it interesting to note the anger I feel. I believe I am quite laid back person in most situations and being a youth worker for so long means I am very able to take knocks and jibes and do not usually rise to the bait. I guess being on the receiving side of knocks from those we are serving are easier to bear, and more expected, than knocks from those who are serving us. It’s an interesting thought.

I am confused as to why this statement in the lecture has made me so angry. I wonder if it is the statement itself or if it is a combination of this and the frustration I was talking about earlier. Maybe it was a combination of lots of things. I guess I will have to reflect more on the why of this but now I need to get ready for morning prayer.

I wish others would realise that God is not up on a Sunday morrning so early! In fact, our prayers might wake God … so shhhhhhhhh.

Tonight is the start of my first residential weekend of the year for SEITE. This one’s at Herne Bay Court and we are looking at Pastoral Psychology! Must admit … the title / topic does not grab me either! I’m not sure entirely how this fits with pioneer ministry as I want to be planting, not pastoring! (And before anyone says … no I a not knocking pastors – we need them, but I’m not one of them which is not a problem if I work on a team where some people are!)

It’ll be good to see friends and chat over stuff with people, but it’s been a long week and the last thing I want to do is sit and listen to lectures for hours … and there is an England game on!