Category Archives: pioneer ministry

I don’t know where I am going

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Today has been a bit of a reflection day. It hit me that I have jumped from one world of the cathedral and Rochester, over to the world of Gillingham and the prison very quickly, and I have had no real time to think about how to change my practice, how to prepare myself to start again and how to actually go about that whole thing of starting again.

The geographical closeness of the 2 places along with my familiarity with the Gillingham that used to exist means the temptation to carry on and just do what I have done on a daily basis for the last few years is quite a powerful temptation.

It may be right to start again in exactly the same way …. and that is what I intended to do, but last night I realised I had not really thought or prayed much about this. So today has been pretty much a thought and prayer day.

Today, in particular, I have found this prayer of Thomas Merton to be both powerfully challenging and warmly comforting in some way. These words help me to accept where I am, and give me the permission to rest in the knowledge that although I have no real idea what is going to happen, that I can be comfortable in that ignorance. Too often we feel pressured into acting, or developing, or birthing something new quite quickly and often too soon. So now, as I enter this time of reflection and listening and uncertainty, I draw strength from knowing not only have I been here before, but so have many others before me:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. 

1st day

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Yesterday was a first day.
A first proper day of working in the prison.
A first day of wandering Gillingham High Street.
A first day of being a priest missioner in GIllingham deanery … whatever that may be.

My first day went quite well. Some highlights included sitting in the exercise yard with some lads and learning a little about their stories. Another was popping in the club in Gillingham for a drink with a friend and my dog collar on … there was a hush for a little while before they realised it was me!

Of course there were lows as well … the frustration and pain I could see in peoples situations. The hopelessness in the daily routines of so many. But with that hopelessness comes a desire to see change, and part of my role involves me in looking out for those people that wish to be involved in something transformational;  both personally and collectively.

The day ended with a pretty special experience when I got together with some young people and their leaders to plan a youth service. I’ve not done this in a while, but I am still smiling from the privilege of that creative experience. I look forward to working morre with this group as they try to create something different.

So … all in all a pretty interesting day …. I have to go now and do something similar all over again …. the beginning of a new work, I remember, takes a lot of time, repetition and patience.

so … Rob … what are you doing next?

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This post has taken a while to write … the blog has been quiet as I have thought hard and done stuff ‘behind the scenes’ about the immediate way forward and even more so on how to communicate that to friends who regularly read this blog.

It probably will not come as a surprise to many of you that read here that I am still convinced of my calling as a pioneer;  to work with but outside the church and beyond in a way that enables me to meet with people outside the walls of the church. I believe in th church, but also believe the church needs to be working differently to reach and support different groups of people. I think that’s called ‘one size does not fit all’.

A few years ago, after Mission Shaped Church report was published I responded to what I believe was a call from God to consider ordination with a view to being a pioneer minister rather than the more traditional route of parish priest. Being creative, working with people in fresh ways to investigate more about faith and to look for opportunities of how to work together and journey together rather than avoid each other … these are things that I have realise energise and excite me.

As a pioneer, my desire has not been so much to share my faith, although that has happened, or to try and convince people of my faith, although that seems to have happened as well, but more to try and be a positive influence, to give opportunities for questions, and to be a blessing to those that I have come across. I have a great desire to be good news in my community, to encourage and to support when its been possible. In short, I have tried to be a friend to people.

I now seems like ages ago that I started doing this ‘pioneering stuff’ with some trepidation as I knew no one. Four years down the line I find that I have made some good friends in the Rochester High Street area. I have learned lots from these people and have grown to love and respect them as the good bunch of people they are – but now is not the time to talk about that stuff …. that will come later in September when I move on from Rochester.

In September it will be with some sadness that I leave Rochester and the cathedral as my curacy comes to an end. Curacies in the Church of England are always a maximum of 4 years … and I have let this run its full course. My last Sunday at the cathedral will be on 2nd September, while my last day as pioneer curate in Rochester will be on Wednesday 5th September. That still sounds a little way off but I guess this will come quickly as between now and then I have a 3 week Olympic chaplaincy and a 10 day holiday in the diary.

My role as a pioneer in Rochester was to develop a new way of being church for people that don’t currently go to church. the gathering is a group of people who are traveling together and exploring faith together. I believe we are some form of new monastic community and we consider how we live our lives. We are at an early stage in our life together as we move towards becoming a ‘church’. Over the last 3 or so years we have met in various places and learned lots together about journeying and faith and inclusivity. This group is slowly growing as we pick up others on the way who are asking the same sorts of questions that we are …. those being more about how we live out faith rather than what each individual believes in detail. This means the community holds together people that don’t agree on some issues … and that is a good thing.

As we started to talk about what happens next after my curacy it soon became clear that the diocese only really has the resources to offer me parish ministry next. (I think a number of dioceses are in the same position). The diocese looked at parishes which would suit a pioneer and we considered some, and the opportunities were quite exciting. After much prayer and discussion, though, we felt we could only move to a parish if we could move the gathering there as well. This has not been possible due to distances involved away from Medway.

So … as we feel God is calling us to carry on what we have started and continue travelling with the gathering we (me/my family/the bishop)  have made the decision that I will become an SSM (self supporting minister) pioneer minister / priest missioner in Gillingham from September and accountable to local people. Obviously it is a risk to give up a whole salary, but I guess this is what ‘living by faith’ and ‘following your convictions’ is all about.

I won’t pretend all things are hunk dory … I’m excited by a new start (as any pioneer would be), but I will be sad at missing some great people and I don’t mind admitting that I’m pretty scared as well about starting again and trusting God with our finances. Even as I write it I sound like some religious fanatic … but yes I really do believe God will provide …. and if I’m honest I hope I will still be able to say the same in December!

If you are the praying type, maybe you could pray for us. As you pray maybe you could consider as well if you could support us. I am currently looking for people to support us both in money and prayer. If you wish to consider supporting in that way and want to know more detail please read the letter here and we can go from there.

So … that’s my update …. its a time for me to look ahead and start to dream what might be … hopefully I will keep bumping into some of you … so, that’s my update … see you around!

totally present

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Today was a good day. Today I joined people at CMS and was the speaker at today’s Pioneer Witness.  The website explains this as ‘‘Pioneer Witness’ is a unique learning opportunity where Pioneers will share their stories face-to-face and give us the chance to question, listen and learn.’

I enjoyed the experience of sharing my story and answering peoples questions … but the session has also resulted in myself having a chance to question to listen and to learn and not only from the other people there!

As I planned for this session I was plunged back into remembering what is was like in the early days. It seems such a while ago and it is really difficult to believe the extent of loneliness I experienced and the real hardship of stuff in the early days when I used to sit i places and feel uncomfortable or ill at ease due to the reactions of others. I quoted the following from my training journal from the first few months which made up the content of my first year assignment which outlined a series of ‘exchanges’ between myself and God:

Dear God, Thank you for calling me to this role. Today, however, I have an issue. I got home and Sarah asked me ‘What have you done today?’ This may seem a perfectly innocent question, and indeed it was, but it has plunged me into quite a cloud of uncertainty. When I  attempt to answer Sarah’s question I have nothing to offer. The answer is quite plainly ‘nothing’. I have sat in Wetherspoons in Rochester with my dog collar on and waited to see what will happen. Today, nothing happened. Much of the time ‘nothing’ happens. I arrive, I order my coffee, I sit in a comfy sofa and I wait.  God, I have been doing this for months and I am starting to wonder what it is that I am waiting for! I feel disorientated, confused and have no purpose. I feel lonely, anonymous and have been rebuffed and ridiculed. I feel as if I am in a new country as everything around me has changed. 

The pain of those few months is fairly evident in that short statement. I have thought for a while that no one really talkes about the pain and struggle of starting up … the nothingness of ministry and the vacuum that can be created by simply waiting. People like to share the good stuff, the exciting stuff and the stuff that makes ‘pioneer ministry’ seem exciting and sexy …. and yet a lot of what we do is the simple hard graft of work and ministry that everyone else does. A difference might be that pioneers are misunderstood that bit more! Maybe I should write a book about all this stuff!

I also shared today that in those early days while struggling with waiting that I came across Vanstone’s ‘The Stature of Waiting‘ which had a lot of good stuff in it, notably for me at the time these words about waiting:
‘Waiting can be the most poignant of all human experiences – the experience which, above all others, strips you of affection and self deception and reveals to you the reality of your needs your values and yourself.’
The waiting was very necessary to my ministry with the people I came across.  During the waiting I do believe I learned more about myself and my values. I realised in great pain how I need to work with others and not just because it is a good idea but because I NEED to work with others. The waiting also revealed to me the masks of titles that I had allowed myself to hide behind … titles of jobs, titles within YFC and titles within the church. Waiting helped me discover more about the Rob that God had created …. as well as learn more about this new community I was placed within.

After talking for a little while we had around 40 minutes of questions, all of which helped me to think more, i concluded with a quote from John Taylor’s Primal Vision. Seriously if you have not read this book, which I believe is a classic book that should be read by everyone interested in mission, then you need to do so. Taylor writes from the perspective of believing that we should listen and learn from the indigenous culture while seeing ourselves as guests. I read this quote regulalrly to challenge and question myself and can even tell you this quote is on page 136. I leave this with you in the hope it may challenge and be a support to you in the way it has to me, and may we be delivered from that air of professionalism that renders us ‘not all there’:

‘The Christian has nothing to offer unless he offers to be present, really and totally present, really and totally in the present. The failure of so many professional Christians has been that they are not all there.’

 

days 7,8,9 …. rooted in the community

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I guess I am getting into the swing of things at St. Stephens and learning names and understanding how they do things. Yesterday I presided at a mid week Eucharist which surprised me with an attendance of 10 people, which is quite a lot more than I see when I preside at the mid week eucharists in the cathedral. I compare only because I find it interesting to observe and learn what draws people to such a service at 10am on a Wednesday morning.

Most of the people there yesterday were retired in some capacity and the service is clearly important to them. Some were moving next to visiting some homes in the parish with the magazine so our closing words of ‘go in peace to love and serve the Lord’ were said with immediate practical application.

Yesterday ended with atending the Lent course. The Chatham churches are getting together every Wednesday evening over Lent and have managed to get a different bishop each night to talk on a topic. Last night Bishop James spoke to the title, ‘Empowering Mission relevant to our society and culture’. I was encouraged by what I heard.

Bishop James spoke widely around the term ‘empowering mission‘. What empowers mission was an early question and ‘the Holy Spirit’ was an early answer. He then turned the term around and asked how does mission empower people because he believed mission, if it is mission, is about transforming lives and not just saving souls as Jesus makes pretty clear in John 10:10. I wanted to shout a loud front row Pentecostal yes to that … but you will be glad to know I kept my Anglican calm dignity in the back row by nodding slowly but surely!

Bishop James ended his talk by referring to Jeremiah chapter 29 and these word which were written to exiles that, I presume, wanted to escape their exile:
build houses and dwell in them; plant gardens and eat their fruit. Take wives and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, so that they may bear sons and daughters – that you may be increased there and not diminished. And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to the Lord for it; for in it’s peace, you will have peace. (vv5-8)

Sometimes we can feel as exiles where we are; but our role and calling is not to moan but to settle and to be a blessing. As Bishop James said, we need to be rooted in the places we are, listening to the heartbeat of our communities and responding appropriately.

I love that statement and I agree with it wholeheartedly. That is what I am attempting to do in the St Stephen’s parish but it takes a lot longer than 6 weeks to tune in. To be rooted in a place takes time and sometimes it does not happen at all …. but when it does relationships flourish and people of a place become very special. After 20 years of living and working in a variety of ways in the community of Medway I feel like roots are developing and growing well. I can sense and hear the heartbeat and, in my case, pioneering is about the responding appropriately. It takes that long to establish roots in a place which is why I am fighting to stay locally in my next role.

People ask am I moving, can I move and will I move … I could, there are opportunities both in this diocese and others …. but I don’t think I can as I, well we as a family,  passionately feel called to serve the people of Medway, to seek the welfare of the people of Medway, to pray for peace for the people of Medway. When I first came here from Weymouth in 1987 I hated Medway with a passion and could not wait to return to the West Country …. we worked for Holy Trinity Nailsea for 4 years but we came back, believing God called us back here. I can say I have built my house here, I am planting my garden (remember my allotment!) … and I’ve even ‘taken’ (not my word!) a wife and beget sons and a daughter here. As I consider this passage what other response can I make?

I will seek the peace of this city … and in that peace I hope that I will fine mine.

a transforming relationship

Aside

I little while ago regular visitors here will remember I got excited and had an excellent time on the CMS Pioneer ‘Missional Entrepreneur’ week. While there I made new friends and caught up with others that I had not seen for a while …. people like Andrea who is doing an amazing job in Kingston with people that the church have written off as ‘lost and dodgy’.

I have often blogged about my limited and occasional mbs stuff at Rochester Cathedral and with dekhomai. Andrea does this on a more permanent basis and is really engaging with spiritual seekers of the area. Andrea has, and still does, sit in that gap where other Christians either question what she does or fail to see the incredible value of her mission. I suspect there are even some that believe she is not a ‘real’ Christian due to the work she is involved in … but Jesus was not recognised either!

Andrea has given a great interview on the CMS Pioneer website where she admits she has no formula in this interview …. but that her mission (and all mission) needs to be about relying on God. It’s a good read so go check it out here.

 

1000 fresh expressions …

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The latest survey on attendance has, for the first time, researched Fresh Expressions and the news is both exciting and encouraging. This paragraph from the report quoted on the Fresh Expressions website show that the bold step a few years to try something different os starting to make a difference:

The first ever statistical analysis of fresh expressions of church has concluded that there are at least 1,000 CofE fresh expressions or new congregations across the country. Around 30,000 people attend fresh expressions each month who don’t attend traditional regular services, equating to an average of around 40 people per participating parish exploring new forms of church – the statistical equivalent of an additional diocese. Almost all dioceses have reported fresh expressions or new congregations with over half of these initiatives aimed at families with young children.

While that is exciting I read this with just a tad of frustration. I still come across senior church people that tell me ‘fresh expressions is not working‘  or that ‘fresh expressions will not exist in 3 years time‘ alongside Beth Keith’s research which quotes, ‘Many pioneers, while affirming the principle of the mixed economy, did not have positive experiences of working within it. Whilst they were aware of the pressures felt by the wider Church through declining attendance and resources, they were frustrated that the maintenance of existing churches reduced the opportunities and resources for mission and evangelism. For example: pioneers repeatedly reported issues with mixed posts where pioneering aspects were not clearly defined. Maintaining existing churches, fulfilling traditional curacy requirements, or working in church structures remained an ongoing pressure greatly reducing the opportunities for mission‘

I sense across the nation a certain ‘attitude’ within church (not everywhere but in lots of places) that was there towards people involved in full time Christian youth ministry. It was an attitude or belief that these youth ministers were just doing this work for a little while before moving in to real ministry. By real ministry was meant work in church with adults.

Sadly from discussions with others I think that attitude with pioneers up and down the country still exists …. the attitude that says ‘pioneers are doing this for a period and soon they will ‘grow up’ and want to do real ministry.‘ This time the real ministry refers to traditional church ministry.

Personally …. i don’t see my ministry that way … and my hope is that this piece of research will allow us all to acknowledge the real contribution that Fresh Expressions is making.

something forgotten … something not yet learned

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I am currently reading Doug Gay’s ‘Remixing the Church’. I’m reading this out of interest due to a number of recommendations, but also as part of my ongoing training as I will discuss and pull apart the content with Trevor, the guy in the Diocese who is responsible for the reflective and theological part of my ongoing training.

I particularly like a quote at the start of chapter 4: ‘There is always something forgotten that can be remembered and something not yet learned that can be discovered‘. As far as worship and ‘being church’ goes that kind of sums up what I am trying to achieve and, essentially, what I am about.

Somehow, and in some way, if church is going to be relevant to spiritual seekers of today then she needs to be able to sit in that space where she is able to reclaim practices from our tradition as well as dream and create as she learns new things. I have written of the need for a ‘rolling reformation‘ before but I think Doug Gay’s language of remembrance is far more helpful here as we try to rediscover practices that we used to do but, for some reason or another, have forgotten about.

From my point of view, as someone that is trying to birth new ways of being church with people that don’t connect with inherited church as it is, the sitting in between space is not a particularly comfortable place to sit. It is often a space of confusion and tussle for myself and a space full of misunderstanding for others. As things are remembered and things are learned it become a space that is constantly moving and regularly changing …. a rolling reformation of thoughts, beliefs and practices. A space where I regularly re-think, change and have to admit I was wrong. A space of change … It’s certainly not a boring space …

So … the unending question remains … what has been forgotten, what has yet to be learned ….

 

 

take shape

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I have had the week off.
I have had time to think, to reflect, to read, to watch movies.
I have also done a lot of walking as I ‘tweeked’ the old back after preaching last week.

As the week unexpectedly opened up for me I decided on one day that my walking should be around the Tate Modern. I love the Tate and, apart from various coffee shops, I really miss just popping in and out of this creative space like I used to be able to when I was a member and working in London twice a week when with YFC.

Personally, for me, I find I hear from God through film and art just as much as I do through Bible study.  I find wandering through the galleries of the Tate, and just wandering around the Borough Market area of London to be quite an inspiring space for me, especially when I am feeling dry as I have for the last few weeks.

I found a number of exhibits to be amazing to study. I found myself mentally climbing the stairway. I’m not sure where it is leading, and I’m not sure where I was going as I climbed … but the piece itself was stunning, captivating and drew you into its space.

I was particularly struck however by an un-named piece by Robert Morris. Morris’ piece captivated me and got me thinking as he has exerted minimal control over it’s appearance, effectively giving up control of how the art appears. The piece consists of a number of strips of felt which are suspended and allowed to form their own shape under their own weight. Effectively this means that the shape changes each time this work is displayed. The material determines it’s own shape.

I was challenged by this as I wondered whether God had a message for me in this for the gathering. Sometimes I wonder whether we try to control things, events, maybe even God, just too much. In our fear to not offend, or in our obsession with accountability, or our ideas on what should and needs to be included, there is a tendency to try to force things into particular moulds.

We have been trying to create something new with the gathering. Some of what we do is very creative and different. Certainly some visitors, who are very very comfortable in the Christendom mould, have not coped with our openness, our inclusivity, our vulnerability and our desire to move forward together, learning from each other and encouraging each other.

What we do, however, still looks like a church service … a very relaxed and fdcreative one, but still one nevertheless.

I guess when you try to create something new it’s hard to break out of the mould that you have grown up with. When you have been so used to doing something one way, and so used to hearing that a b and c need to be included or done in a particular way, it then becomes very different to see any other way to do things.

So I wonder … whether in some way, and I don’t know how, that we need to let the weight of our ideas, our dreams and our passions find their own shape. In order for this to happen we need to find out how we can give them the freedom to relax into their own shape.

I’m not sure we know how to do that … … yet!

Missional Entrepreneurship

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I’m really looking forward to attending this in November.
My diocese have agreed that I can use my CMD grant to attend this course, which is great as it means they can see the value of this as well.
The title of this module intrigues me and as it is part of the CMS pioneer training course I am looking forward to being able to chat and share with others.
The location looks pretty cool as well!
According to Jonny there are still some spaces … so if it grabs you too why not sign up for the week?