I realise that I have not spoken a lot recently about the pioneering work that I am supposed to be doing. The main reason for this is that there is not a lot to talk about. The ‘waiting’ business I am involved in is just that … waiting. I ‘wait’ in a variety of places, pray, chill, loiter with intent …. there are a variety of terms that might spruce it up a bit, but the bottom line is I am waiting.

As we approach Advent I am looking forward to this season in a new way. The season of Advent and its emphasis on waiting for the Christ Child, for signs of the Kingdom, for evidence of God will have a different emphasis for me this year.

Things are moving very slowly, which is what I had expected. I had not expected, however, how frustrated this would leave me feeling on occasions. Nor had I counted on the feelings of uselessness that I would personally experience as I return home each day lacking that sense of achievement that I so loved after I met various targets when working with Youth For Christ. I also had not really registered how tough it is to keep returning to the same places, day in day out, seeing the same faces and experiencing the same various reactions in their eyes which span from negative to positive.

A while ago I met with Gordon Oliver, who is the Bishops Officer for training, and we chatted a lot about pioneering. Gordon shared from his holiday how he went into the wilderness in north America and happened upon an old pioneers hut. He was on a fishing trip, alone, in the middle of nowhere where very few people had been. He was convinced that he was the first person to walk across certain bits of land.

Pioneers go where no one else has been, pioneers travel alone and live quite a lonely existence for a large part of the time. They have basic tools and rely a lot on their instincts (Christian pioneers rely on the Holy Spirit as well!) In fact, a lot of people look at the pioneers of the past looking for Gold, or new settlements, and just ask and wonder ‘why?’ Pioneers can be misunderstood, not in a bad way – its just that others don’t really ‘get’ what you are trying to achieve.

Pioneers can be seen as heroic type figures, but I don’t think that’s the case. In fact if I am a pioneer, then I know bravery is not part of the deal as I am one of the biggest cowards there is – any sign of trouble and I will run!

It’s not about courage at all. Rather than courage, I have a mix of frustration and dream. I experience frustration with the church that I love in the way it tries to relate to people but is unwilling to look at itself with any great seriousness which might involve a change of some description. The main motivation, though, is the dream from God. I have a dream of how things could be – a diverse, inclusive, authentic community united in their worship and love of God and each other. A community that takes its faith seriously to the extent that lifestyles are changed because of it. A community that will stand for love and justice not for any aim, but simply because that is what Jesus did.

In a sense I’m dreaming of gold like those pioneers of the past – and I’m going to keep waiting and digging until I find it.

I had an interesting time in the pub I have been frequenting yesterday while meeting a friend for lunch. We got engaged in conversation with a couple of guys. The guys were ‘tough’ guys with a mass of life experience and a mass of respect from the drinking fraternity that are in this place daily – or at least they are every day I am in.

It was interesting because the conversation ended up with one of the guys buying us each pint – despite our objections outlining that we needed to work later in the day, 2 pints of Spitfire were plonked on our table for us to drink while the guy joked that he was ‘buying himself in’ to heaven.

This whole experience was a surprise to me as each day I have entered this place and although aware that I have been ‘clocked’ by this group of men, there has been no acknowledgment of any kind. From nothing we went into conversation over a time-span of 2 hours and were bought a drink. Being with someone meant it was easier to talk and I wonder whether going alone is seen as too much of a threat. Saying that, I am not sure this group of men would be threatened by anything this world could chuck at them. I would guess they are the group used to being threatening rather then being threatened.

I am not naive enough to suggest this is acceptance of or inclusion within this community, but I am excited and intrigued enough to wonder if this is a small initial step in the right direction. Whatever it means, it shows that my presence in this environment is causing a reaction of some description.

First – I want to thank a few of you who have asked if I’m ok as I have not blogged for a couple of days. To be honest this has been due to a couple of reasons; I have been getting used to a new way of working. I don’t think I expected to become so drained (the best word I can think of) from simply talking to people and ‘hanging around’. It seems that the adjustment from racing around to ‘dwelling’ has affected be in surprising ways.

I love being busy and am very used to fitting masses of work into small amounts of time and so the second reason is having to negotiate with my feelings of guilt from just walking around the high street and sitting in areas where I can ‘connect’ with people. At the end of each day I do not have anything concrete to show for a days work. That is quite an odd feeling and a feeling that has caused guilt when I know others are very busy and in turn added to the drain sensation.

To get home from just being and having nothing to speak of has, I guess, left me with nothing to blog here about.

Although its quite tough I do believe this is what God is calling me to do. I can’t quite see at this point in time how things are going to move forward, but I do feel I am responding to God on a daily basis as to where I should be going, sitting, drinking coffee or sometimes beer, eating lunch and just being available. I hope I will meet people who are searching for a way to relate to God. I pray this will be the case.

It is very early days and I do know that I am being noticed in certain places. I have met faces from the past which has been great, and I am getting used to life slowing down and I guess I need to think through how I can be more reactionary to what is happening around me – something that, again, is a challenge to someone who is used to having weeks of his timetable planned in advance. I now need to get used to life on a day by day basis – I guess this is what I got excited about all those years ago when I first heard of the the Missio Dei concept. I am searching for where God is working so that I can attempt to join in.

I ventured out into the High Street today to introduce myself to some people. I was surprised that it took me nearly 3 hours to do one side of the street.

Some people were intrigued, some were suspicious, some were uninterested, some were welcoming, some were uncomfortable. The brief conversations were varied, but I was pleased to be able to meet and chat with people.

I was challenged and felt uncomfortable at one stage when I met an enthusiastic Christian whom, he claimed, God had told to move from London to Rochester and set up a church. I felt like I was being preached at, as I think the guy was uncomfortable with my dog collar, and I had to think through why I felt challenged and uncomfortable. I watched as these people approached couples sat on benches and chatted with them enthusiastically. Sometimes observing boy language was quite revealing.

Although I was uncomfortable with this ‘in your face’ approach there is a place for this with certain people. To be inclusive means I have to accept those that adopt methods that I am uncomfortable with.

Tomorrow CME starts which means I can’t do the other side of the High Street until Thursday.

I had my first nearly full day at the cathedral today starting with daily prayer at 8, followed by Eucharist at 830 quickly followed by chapter meeting from 915 until 3.00pm and then meeting with the Archdeacon until around 5.00pm. To be a total full day I would attend evensong at 5.30 which I’ll do sometimes.

Today was a good day, and a great chance to learn about what has been happening at the cathedral and learn about plans for the future. There are some exciting times ahead.

There are still quite a lot of induction tasks to get through, but for some of tomorrow tomorrow I hope to wander the length of Rochester High Street and do a bit of a prayer walk and attempt to introduce myself to local shop and business owners and maybe others that could be around. I’m pretty scared, but the longer I leave this the harder it will be to start.

Pioneering requires me to step out into the unknown and take some essentials with me. Tomorrow I step out. If you have a spare bit of time tomorrow, please pray (I’m not sure what you should pray for, but pray anyway!)