A number of interesting things have been happening in the pub which I have been hanging out in in my dog collar. It’s amazing me more and more what God is seeming to start to do through a willingness to be in the same place wearing a dog collar.

One day this week I was plunged into a depth that took me outside my comfort zone. I was getting ready to leave. I saw a bloke I had not seen before heading for the exit when he saw me, turned around, knelt next to the sofa I was sitting in and started to weep as he shared stuff that he was guilty about. It was an uncomfortable, but sacred, moment.

I felt uncomfortable. I was conscious lots of people were watching this man but it was a privilege to sit there and listen. I did not offer stuff to fix the situation (I wanted to but was lost for words!) and this seemed to be the right thing for this guy. I simply listened and then went for a walk with him outside. I hope I meet him again sometime.

Other things are also happening – I have been asked to pray for people, a guy in his late 70’s has cancer in the pancreas and is having an operation at the weekend – his brother asked me to pray as there is a chance he will die on the operating table. Please join me in praying for this man and his brother.

I used to go in and wonder what I was achieving by being here – but now it seems that someone talks about something nearly every day – it is truly amazing! I have even been asked (jokingly!!!) by a woman if I would marry her and her boyfriend after she gets him drunk enough to say yes!!!

There is a mix of humour and seriousness which I think helps people to kind of break the ice. I think people want to talk, want to worship, are looking for answers but are not sure how to approach churches and people in churches because the church has a history of retreating from culture, particularly the places I hand out in.

The other week I reflected on people not wanting to enter the sanctuary becasue they felt they were not good enough, or that the place was too special to step into. Soem would have us believe that people cannot sense, and neither are they interested in, the spiritual anymore.

These experiences lead me to think this is not the case.

This may be all small stuff but it is encouraging stuff and stuff that seems to show that God is indeed working in his world – and that people are sensing that but not sure what to do about it. As ‘church’ I think we need to think more about how we can help people in that discovery.

It has been another interesting week in the ‘life of a pioneer curate’.

This week has, again, been a mixture of what some may call ‘traditional’ curacy / vicar type work whilst other has not.

I have already spoken about Monday’s ‘traditional’ experience.

On Tuesday I had the pleasure of ‘leading’ the carol service for Rochester Grammar for Girls. It was a great event and the talent of these young ladies who so obviously loved singing and playing their instruments was great to see. It was a shame the press were not there – the press who so love to ‘bash’ teenagers through their pages, giving the impression that all are violent and have no respect, when actually we know that the overwhelming majority of young people just wish to love life and developing their gifts without hurting others. If present the press would have seen real young people. Anyway … I will climb off the hobby horse now!

This weekend I will attend the 10.30 Eucharist and I will be preaching at the 3.15 Choral Evensong looking at Philippians 4:4-7. Again this is all quite traditional stuff which I am still enjoying as is an important part of my role and training.

The pioneering work, which is still good old fashioned hard graft, is starting to show some little signs of progress after 14 weeks of going to the same places on nearly a daily basis and just being there. A lot of those 14 weeks have seen me sitting alone, sometimes mentally arguing with God over what I am doing, staring out the window, reading the odd chapter of various books and generally waiting to see what God may choose to do, or what God may not choose to do.

The last 2 weeks in particular some of the men have started to chat generally with me. That may not seem great, but these men are in these places every day and for some it has taken me being there every day for 12/13 weeks for them to even acknowledge me. The fact that we are having short conversations now is pretty amazing. I am learning names and they know mine.

There is one day when I talk to a particular couple and on another day I chat with 3 older gentlemen who have been drinking together on the same day at the same time for a couple of pints for years.

What is my role here is an interesting question. I think some are wondering if I am going to be like an evangelist and look for conversions in front of the bar. Others may think I’m just getting out of the cathedral because I like a pint! My role, as I believe it, it just simply to be there, with no agenda and no fixed dream of an outcome.

That may seem like I am aiming for nothing and so will hit nothing. There would be a danger of that if I were aiming for nothing. I have the aim of discovering what God is doing in these places and then looking how I can join in with that. My prayer goes something like this

If you, God, are simply loving people then I hope I have the patience to join you,
If you, God, are challenging then I hope I have the courage to step up to that,
If you, God, are crying with people then I hope I can be comfortable in that intimacy,
If you, God, are convicting then I hope I can be ready to encourage,
If you, God, are being persecuted then I hope I have the strength stand firm.
For you, God, are here and I just need eyes to see you.

For me it is interesting to recognise that it was around 12 weeks of daily presence before I was trusted to chat with. I am aware the collar does not always help and will be a ‘put off’ but all too often we look for quick remedies and quick fixes. As I am learning in a special way through this advent – anything really worth having has to be waited for – Mary waited 9 months for Jesus, and so far we’ve waited 2000 years. Nothing of any real value comes quickly.

BTW – if you are interested I produce a weekly email to those people that wish to know what I am up to so they can pray specifically – if you’d like to receive it drop me an email – the link is in the right hand bar of the blog.

As a follow up from my last post the man I had agreed to meet did not show. There could be a number of reasons for this – I assumed he knew where the cathedral was, he may have got held up in work, he may have lost courage, God may have brought someone else into his life.

While I sat and waited in the cathedral for an hour I reflected on how I was feeling. In the past I would have felt frustration at the no-show, maybe even a small amount of anger. The frustration would have its heart in my desperation to see lives transformed and believing I had some key role in that. The anger would come from a badly arrogant view that I was important and this (usually young) person was simply wasting my time.

On Tuesday I felt neither and still feel neither. As I wait more and more I seem to be understanding just a little that God does the work, not me. Not only does God do the work, but God also controls the time. God caused this man to cross my path on Friday and ask for a time to chat, God will do that again and my role is simply to understand that it is about the other person and God and not really a lot to do with me.

It’s amazing but I feel a massive sense of privilege, even in the no-show. While waiting I was chatting with God, asking him for wisdom, asking to be prepared, asking for God to work through me in this conversation. I can’t put my finger on it, but an hour with God will have changed me in some way, so despite the fact this gentlemen never showed up, the conversation was still one of transformation.

I have no worries about meeting this man again, or of missed opportunity. God brought us together once for an encounter. We can never know what God does through such encounters, but we do know that if God chooses to bring us together again it will happen.

What I am focusing in on slowly is that it is really hard to let God. We sing of God being Lord, God being in control, God pulling things together, God causing things to happen … and yet sitting back and giving God the time to do that is really very very difficult. There is an unwritten pressure to have outcomes, to see results, to actually plan to do something.

I am very fortunate here in that the Dean and Chapter and the Diocese are giving me space to look, observe and try to discover what God is doing and then respond to that and join in with it. This takes time and space and I’m very conscious of how privileged I am.

I write with some tentative excitement.

The last few days have seen an interesting turn in my ‘waiting’ which has taken me a little by surprise.

To put this in context, a large part of the pioneering side of my role has involved me hanging out in 2/3 particular places on a very regular basis. I have visited one pub in particular nearly every day since I was ordained (apart from weekends). While there I have sat in roughly the same place. Sometimes I have just sat and ‘waited’, other times I have sat and read but always making it clear, through body language and only reading little bits and then looking around that I am not ‘busy’ and so am ‘available’. All the time I have been there I have been praying and asking God to show me stuff that I need to see.

For most of the last 12 weeks I have say alone with the odd nod or hello but not very much more. On one particular day of the week a married couple who happen to be catholic sit opposite me and we chat and generally share things while building a relationship. On another day, a group of old retired men have befriended me. These men have met each week for around 15/20 years for a couple of pints before they then go home. They served in the war together and it is a real pleasure to be part of their conversation. Again, we simply chat about football and other stuff that is in the news.

Looking back – those 2 ‘meetings up’ with people are quite incredible in themselves in such a short space of time. I never made the first move with either ‘group’ but merely responded to them.

On Friday and again today some chance conversations have occurred on a different level. To cut a long story short 3 separate men have approached me and told me that they ‘need religion’. We chatted about why and stuff like that and one out of the three has asked to meet me in the cathedral on a particular day to chat about ‘faith and stuff’. Then other two have asked if they can chat but did not want to commit to a particular time, and I am not worried as they know how to find me. These three knew I worked in the cathedral, knew that I am not around on Saturday and knew I spent a lot of time in this pub – nothing out of the ordinary apart from I didn’t tell these people where I worked or when my day off was – they had noticed and found out themselves. One even noticed that I drank coffee in the morning and had the odd beer in the afternoon or lunchtime!

I guess I should not be surprised by this but I am. I am surprised in the main because I have done nothing to encourage this response. I have simply sat in a pub, each day, looking around or reading, and responding to people. I have never made the first move in a conversation beyond the simply ‘hello’ or ‘how are you today?’This I have done as I think some people wonder what they should say to a vicar and sometimes can be uncomfortable.

I don’t know where these 3 conversations will go, nor do I know where my chats with the men or the couple will go either and it may be that we just chat socially for a bit and move on.

But … I am excited and amazed and not a little dazzled to be able to see that God is moving and does not need my help, just my willingness to be there.

Despite all this walking across the threshold of this place again today was still hard work. When inside I feel comfortable – but before hand I do feel pretty daunted and scared – please keep me in your prayers!