I returned and went to the Blah Day with Ryan Bolger, Karen Ward and others. The day was stunning! The 6 hours zipped by and the mix of upfront reflection and sharing and group discussion was well done and valuable.

I was really encouraged to see people from all ages and walks of life. I was expecting a fairly youngish (under 50?) crowd but it was broader. Saying that, I was really saddened to see that the most negative person I met at the day was easily the youngest there. I can’t be sure, but I ended up thinking this person just came to pick holes and look for arguments against. Anyway – each to their own.

Ryan reminded us that culture needed to be at the centre of our engagement, which again fits with the Sentamu quote of a while ago that ‘Jesus is in all cultures but at home in none.’ Hearing again that we don’t need to leave culture behind, but instead can look for God in it made me want to shout ‘yeah’ … but I am an Anglican at heart! Because of this I said ‘yeah’ silently in my heart as we Anglicans do when we pray!

Ryan suggested that as we use the everyday, the secular, in our worship it helps us to bring our everyday life into culture. It kind of acts as a reminder of God through our cultural symbols. This is not a great example but since Andy Flanagan led us in worship a while go and spoke of the ‘judgement of God being like a speed camera’ it has meant that those little yellow boxes on the side of the motorway do help me to remember God as I am driving around.

Likewise when I have used Madonna, Coldplay or whatever tracks in worship it is true that when I next hear them on the CD or the radio that I her them differently and I am reminded of God again. Mission and worship from culture, embracing culture, makes it easier to work out our Christian journey in our everyday life.

Ben Edson also reminded us that it could be important to start with community. Looking for community and then traveling together on this journey of discovery.

Later in the day, Karen spoke of deciding who you are and acting like it. Her community decided there building in Seattle was an abbey, so they called it such and then did what an abbey did. Engaging with the community in the way that community can understand through its own culture and festivals.

The day was engaging and exciting. It was great to be in a room with other people desperate to see what it means to be missioners, to be church, in this post modern 21st century matrix we find ourselves in. I’m not sure what is happening, or indeed where I am going apart from knowing that I am, along with many other, on a journey of discovery.

As I delve, look under rocks, dive into scripture, I find I am discovering a new God, a new type of church which has an authentic love for those around them, whether they are part of the community or not. I’m not sure what this fully means, so th discussion needs to continue.

An enforced gap, coupled with the heat of the moment and lack of time as resulted in a few days of blog freedom. Unusually this has not arisen out of writers cramp, more out of where do I start, what do I say … writers overload maybe!

The last few days have been incredibly full (not busy!), massively exciting, challenging, encouraging, thought provoking and such like.

The retreat was great. It was a good short time away, good chats in the car with Sha on the way there and back, great to be able to share in 4 pints of Pig’s Ear with friends, laughter, tears, challenge … the sorts of things that YFC retreats are made of.

The rest of the weekend was taken up with the Blah Day, a visit to the Gillingham Psychic Fair and the church fun day at a local country park. Packed weekend which has brought lots of encouragements and questions. As I said – a contemplative gap.

Been to an ordinands day today which ended with ‘supper in the bishops garden’.

The first pat of the day was informative, but I had great trouble staying awake in the second half and so took very little in.

It was good to meet up with good friends like Jen and Jean and the surprise of seeing Mark and Kathryn again was good too. So this was a good day on the whole.

I think we were the first to eave the bishops party tonight as I have to get up at 5 in the morning so I can travel to join the Marist nuns in Nympsfield again. No internet connection there, just good spirituality, good friends, good food and good beer!

Back Friday!
Saturday going to the Blah Tour which I’m really looking forward to.

I have just finished reading Christianity Rediscovered by Vincent Donovan. It’s an excellent account of Donovan’s ground breaking work amongst the Masai and I think he brings many insights which are relevant for mission today in all cultures. It’s amazing to think that these reflections come from a man that was one of th first to take the gospel to the Masai. He had no manuals, no pre-trialled ideas, no experience of what may happen. It must have been a truly terrifying but amazing experience.

I suggest it is not that different in reality to taking the gospel to those around today.

A couple of comments that struck me that I wish to think more on:

‘in a community there are no orphans’
The Masai have a strong community sense. This showed in all people having roles, none being discriminated against, all being valued, all being loved for hat they do. This community identity was so strong that whole tribes became Christian and were baptised, or none of them did. Donovan found there was no room for the individualised faith that we have bred in the west. It was all or nothing for all.

In groups in places I know today, particularly amongst ‘tribes’ of young people that I can remember working with, this sense of community identity is evident in a strong way today. Our methods of individualised faith do not have a major impact as it demands a painful move way from that tribe or an ostricisation from them. Maybe group conversions and baptisms are needed today?

‘an ordinary way of salvation must lie in culture, not the church’
Donovan suggests that God enables people to connect with him through their culture. ‘God is present in all cultures and at home in none’ I heard Archbishop John Sentamu say recently. Instead of trying to pull people away from culture, is our task to help them to notice the presence of God within their culture? The Masai creed says; ‘we have known this High God in the darkness, now we know Him in the light’. God was always there, the Masai just did not fully recognise them. Where is God present today, unrecognised, in the cultures we brush against?

‘Jesus Christ shows us what God is, but he also shows us what humanity is’.
I have always looked to Jesus as the image of God, but never as the corresponding image of true humanity. To see what God is like we need to look to Jesus. To see what we should be like s humans, we need to look to Jesus too.

If you have not read this book, it is an excellent read simply written but with a simplicity that will cause you to think deeply.

Today has been a day of planning for the future.

This morning I attended a meeting held in the church with local traders, Bishop Brian of Tonbridge and Judith Armitt, chief exec of Medway Council.

The meeting was part of a consultation over plans to regenerate the area of Gillingham. I thought the ideas were good and worth getting excited over. Unfortunately I have been here for so long and heard similar before and felt people were very good at answering questions and making statements without actually answering what was really being asked.

I do, however, think Medway is on the up and the sign of buildings going up is, I believe, a sign of a healthy economy and view of the area. I await with measured anticipation what will happen next.

Two things that struck me from this morning were three statistics:
Medway has 250 000 residents. That is the size of Nottingham.
27% of that are young people – that’s around 67 000 young people!
the number of over 70’s will grow by 75% in the next 20 years.

These figures need to be looked at and planned for by the local church.

Plans continued this afternoon as I joined the trustees of Chislehurst YFC as they interviewed for a new Director to lead and develop the work. This could be a cool job with loads of scope for exciting development. Hopefully an announcement will be made soon.

It has been hard to know what to write about my little trip to Weymouth.

The display of love was incredibly moving. The love between Steve and Kim is obvious as they look at each other, as they realise that time may well be short, as they plan short term and dream of what may be long term if things work well. As I write this tears return to my eyes.

I have never felt as useless and powerless as I did for those 24 hours. As I do now even. On the way home I needed to pull over to let the tears flow so that I could then pull myself together to drive back to Gillingham. Just sitting seemed so weak of me but yet so important to them.

I love Steve and Kim massively and to see them as they are just rips me apart. They have no questions, they are just waiting. They have no anger but are just waiting. Waiting with each other to see what the outcome of this horrible time will be.

As well as love I was struck by the courage of Kim. A brave young woman of only 28 in obvious pain but still able to smile, still able to joke and still able to hope. I was expecting anger, confusion or fear but saw strength, hope and courage. A new member of my family who has already made a massive impression in the space of less than 12 months.

I arrived during Kim’s major 3-weekly chemo session. The fact that she wanted to pop out with us to the pub after it, even of only for 20 minutes or so (and just for a soft drink!), amazed me. Just a small illustration of her strength and her determination to get the best opportunities out of whatever time there is. It seems Kim and Steve are determined to seize the day; and that challenges me in how wasteful of time that I am.

A particular thing that struck me would be Kim’s laugh that would peter out as she stared ahead into noting. I wondered if she was dreaming of what might happen, or of what might have been. Moments like this came after we spoke of children, watched young kids in the pub, spoke about holidays, homes and things of the future. It seemed only fitting to be silent and wait at those times, to sit and just be there demanding nothing and giving nothing.

I felt useless and wanted to be able to help.
I wondered if God feels the same?

It’s been an unusual day. The kids have been moody, both my kids and those in school. I have felt weird and have struggled to do stuff today in a consistent way.

This morning I met with my SEITE consultant which was a good use of an hour. He is very supportive and has some good suggestions.

Following that I came home and did a bit more work before going to a meeting at a local school which had o be cancelled sue to one thing and another. This is always annoying, but I did get to say goodbye to a good friend instead while I was there who is moving on to new stuff.

The big mixed feeling thing today is hearing that Kim is back in hospital and so I have cancelled my one meeting tomorrow with Phil (sorry mate!)as I just feel that I need to be there and standing alongside them. As another good friend pointed out, I don’t need to go and do anything, as there is nothing I can do, but I just need to be there, to kind of stand with them.

I had a talk earlier in the week with someone who had the attitude of ‘God works through all things for the good’. I wanted to strangle him! I’m struggling with that at the moment, and to think that God is allowing this for some good to happen certainly would indicate a kind of sick natured God. How possibly can any good come out of a beautiful 28 year old girl dying from cancer?

I don’t believe in a sick God, so I have to conclude that God is not ‘allowing’ this to happen anyway. Instead, in some ways, God could not prevent this from happening. I don’t know what that means other than there are things that happen that God cannot take the pain away from, but what God can do is stand with us, and through that standing with us it gives us a strong sense of inner strength as we learn or realise that we are not alone and abandoned. God hurts with us, cried with us, stands with us.

I wonder if God chooses to limit himself through the constraints of what God has created. When God created the world, God created the physical laws. Creation has to work within these physical walls and God chooses to himself. This means that instead of an aloof God, a God that is miles ‘up there’, or a God that is disinterested and distanced that instead we have a God who is personal, a God who is present, A God who experiences pain.

The crucifixion shows us that God experiences pain, that pain still continues as he stands alongside Kim and those that love her.

I’m not sure if that is right, theologically sound, or close on heresy – but at the moment, where I am at this present time, how I am feeling, that is what my thoughts are.

As I said, I am off to Weymouth tomorrow, so if you get an odd moment please offer up a prayer as I’m not totally discounting a miracle, but as time goes on my faith in seeing one is diminishing quite rapidly.

So … the final will be Italy and France.
That should be a match worth watching.
Looks like the officials did their homework on Ronaldo this evening and did not fall for his diving. Sadly, if he did think he was a popular player the continuous booing he received for the whole 90 minutes whenever he touched the ball will have changed his opinion.

Met up with 2 great people today.

Caught up with Rachael from YFC Church Resource this morning at the Tate Britain over coffee. It was a good use of time. I arrived early and so used my membership to grab a quick look at the Constable 6 footers. Constable is not really my style but you have to admit the work is the work of a master. I was struck by the fact that each 6 foot painting had a rough 6 foot painting next to it. I would have been happy with the ‘rough sketch’ although the actual masterpiece was faultless.

I can’t say I had a favourite because, as I said, this is not really my style of work but I was struck by one painting of Salisbury cathedral where Constable had painted a great arching rainbow over the cathedral. It was like he was making a statement that despite the turmoil the church finds itself in, God’s promise will still prevail. Whether that is through the church, or despite it as we know it, is another debate. Seems like not a lot has changed since the 1800’s!

In the afternoon I met up with my good friend Jeremy for lunch at the RSA. We chatted about a few things including how YFC could support the churches of his area which could be an exciting opportunity.
It was good to be able to chat in relaxed surroundings, catch up and explore some ideas. The lunch was pretty good too!

On my way home I managed to pop into the Bill Viola exhibition at The Haunch of Venison. Thanks Jonny for the tip. This was foolish as I did not have enough time to be there to fully appreciate this, so I will have to return – but it will have to be quick as its only there until September 2nd.

It’s a wonderfully warm night and I have been sat in the garden until recently this evening. How often in our climate do we get to sit in the garden in just shorts and t-shirt to gone midnight?

I have been watching the wildlife in my back garden and been amazed at watching the bats swoop around the insects. Even more exciting was a deep snuffling sound which I recognised as a hedgehog. After waiting for around 10 mins the small but noisy creature appeared, came right up to me, sniffed, and then just sat looking at me for what seemed an age!

I sat and searched for some deep spiritual significance, but then thought ‘why’ – and sat back and just enjoyed the slightly more secretive (well bat and hedgehog) side of his creation.