Author Archives: robryan65

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About robryan65

fallible human, like a phoenix runner spouse, father, grandpa, Jesus lover, creative, real ale, rum and malt whisky drinker dancing - expressing only personal views.

into the unknown

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Todays reading shares the story of Brendan’s voyage.

Brendan was amazing. After a time of prayer Brendan, and a few friends, decided God was calling them to literally go into the unknown. They took the words of Jesus in John 3:8 seriously and decided to simply put themselves in the way of God through the wind and sea and be taken wherever it was that God would have them go. This is classic Celtic spiritually of green and white martyrdom with a solid reality check of knowing this could so easily end up as an act of red martyrdom (see my previous post if you need a reminder).

Sometimes I have felt God calling me to do something, or rather to explore something, that seems impossible to do. These have been both exciting and scary times. Brendan and his friends had no idea where they were going and must have wondered if they were going to fall off the end of the sea. Sometimes that sea would be calm and they would be drifting while others they would have experienced massive waves and just clinging on for dear life as they waited for calm.

Today, are we able to take those kind of risks for the gospel?
Today are we willing to step out into the unknown, not really knowing where we will end up or what will happen?

This resonates quite strongly with me and my journey at the moment. My journey is in no way as scary or as brave as Brendan’s. I am, however, in a situation where I am simply placing myself in front of God on a daily basis. Each day I ask that question ‘where do you want me to be?’ I have not heard any answers yet … so I , as most of us do, will continue to drift and ride waves until I see where God wishes me to be present. Id love to hear from others your experiences of stepping out into the unknown.

Consequences

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In today’s reading from the book we learn of and consider Columba.

Columba had to start again due to the consequences of his actions, which caused him to be banished from Ireland. Today we are asked to contemplate and consider that sometimes we do things that cause us to have to give things up.
It’s not the end.
It can be massively painful as we have no one else to blame other than ourselves.
By returning to God we can rise again, from the self inflicted debris around us.
Just like the phoenix, which I believe to be a Lent creature, as she rises from the ashes of past dreams, mistakes and broken lives

We can thank God that, even when there are consequences of our actions, we can rely upon God’s grace and discover a new path ahead.

To give up or to hold on …. a ‘choice’ or ‘both and’?

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Celtic Lent today introduces the story of Cuthbert.
After a vision Cuthbert gave up his old life to start anew as a monk with God. He journeyed on a horse with a spear and a servant walking beside him to the monastery door. When there he gave the servant his spear and horse and walked into the monastery with just the clothes on his back.

I have struggled with this question over the years because I think there is a bit of a balancing act to do here. I wonder if giving up everything to follow God is all that is required if we are to learn and change on our journey.

During my early Christian life I believe I gave up too much. I gave up a career, which I still believe was the correct thing to do; but I think I also gave up my true character and social class. This was due to a desire to fit in but it resulted in me denying who I was and am.

I have come to understand that Jesus called me as me. Jesus called me as the very left wing, working class, dancing, drinking, loud, dreaming and challenging, and often annoying, character that God created me to be. I may say more about this at a later date. God called me as me, with my faults and sharp edges, because God wanted me to meet others with similar faults and sharp edges so that we could learn more and travel further together.

So, as we travel today and think of Cuthbert and the others we have learned from this week; yes … let us think about what we can lay aside or give up. But let’s also commit to keeping, growing, forming and allowing those bits of our characters that God wants to use to become what God wants them to be.

Link

In today’s Celtic Lent reading, I was introduced to Illtyd, who was a commander of soldiers. He was intrigued by an encounter with a hermit who, despite antagonism and rudeness from Illtyd’s soldiers, didn’t react in any retaliatory way. Cadoc, the hermit, explained he had not retaliated because he was a warrior of spiritual warfare and followed Jesus’ words and actions rather than the world’s. In a dream that night, God spoke to Illtyd and asked him to drop his weapons and follow Jesus instead. As soon as he woke he did just that!

Today that intrigues and challenges me. How come this mighty warrior changes his whole life with an encounter with a seemingly insignificant hermit and a dream from an unseen God? What did people say. How would his family respond to ‘I met a hermit and had a dream and God told me to do this’? How did Illtyd know this was God? What convinced him so much that he immediately dropped tools and changed course? All I can come up with is that, I guess when it’s God you just know! Is that a kop out?

we love change … don’t we?

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Today’s thought from Celtic Lent taught me something new about Saint Hilda. I had always assumed that Hilda of Whitby’s Christian faith had always been of the Celtic origin but learned today that she initially became a Christian through the Latin/Roman church.

After meeting Aidan she ‘saw in Aidan something more than she had seen in other bishops, something that reflected Christ more authentically‘ (Celtic Lent by David Cole p.25)

When Hilda stepped out in her ministry she experienced green and white martyrdom together; she left her royal household and changed the way she lived out her Christin life. That must have been a severe case of double disorientation. I can relate in a small way in my current journey.

So …. the question we carry with us today on our Lenten journey is:

Are you willing to lay aside the way you currently live the Christian life if you felt another way resonated with you more?

Sundays are slow …

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… as in during Lent they are not fast days … which is just as well as we are all out today celebrating Sarah’s 60th birthday and there will defiantly be food! Sundays are always, even during Lent, days of celebration.

The thought to carry through this day from Celtic Lent is to consider how we can become more green in our everyday lives. That is, what spiritual disciplines can we take on in our everyday life? If you are not sure, there is a great article here from the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity outlining some to experiment with.

Appropriation

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Today’s thought from Celtic Lent talks of how various Celtic monks, well versed in white and green martyrdom, experienced desert monasticism and then appropriated it into their own setting. They experienced this expression of faith in this setting and, after a time of deeper understanding through contemplation they reframed the practice for their setting.

Throughout today I have been challenged to think, wonder, dream, consider ….. what does a real genuine faith and practice look like as it plays out in my everyday work and volunteer life. This is not a small challenge.\

I wish to end todays thought with this prayer from David Cole in Celtic Lent:

God of all age and places
God of all peoples and cultures
Help me to be able to take the riches from the spiritual heritage that I have,
and appropriate them into my own context
so that I may be closer to you
through ancient tried practices
Amen

its all about the green

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In January 2025 I decided I needed to do something to improve my health. I had seen a photo of a friends wedding in Weymouth and asked ‘who is that fat ******* on the left’ whilst coming to the horrific realisation that it was me. I was an incredible 125kg which classified as obese. I joined Beginners 2 Runners who are a great encouraging club that takes beginners, like me, and helps them to run 5K over a period of weeks. Many in my family were sceptical of my commitment, which encouraged me even more to reach this goal.

The first evening I could only run 3 minutes before stopping. It didn’t help that it was snowing! Each run hurt incredibly but I continued due to the great encouragement of others. To cut a long story short, I was running 5k after 10 weeks. I now run 5k three times a week and a few Sundays ago ran the London Winter 10k in an hour and 5 minutes (as shown in the super-proud pic!) Today I weigh 93kg and feel a lot happier and healthier.

Obviously none of this has come easy. It’s been painful and flipping hard work. Ive needed the encouragement of others in the club and I have needed to want to achieve the target myself which saw me running in snow, ice, hail, rain, heat, storms …. anything creation can throw at us! It’s taken commitment, a stubborn refusal to give up, a desire to progressively move one step further and an understanding that , if it is a competition, then the only person I am racing against is myself. B2R measures this in going just one step further next time.

Today’s Celtic Lent reading focusses on the green martyrdom I spoke of yesterday. It asks the question ‘what spiritual practices are you going to commit to? Like my running, successfully adopting a spiritual practice or two requires commitment, a stubborn refusal to give up, a genuine desire to want to see success.

Too often, in my personal and humble opinion, is that Christianity can be expressed as light and fluffy celebrating the victory and love of Jesus ….. and that is part of it. Also, though, to develop a strong relationship with our creator, to hear the creator speak into our lives, and to allow the creator to take some (or total!) control then we also need to adopt spiritual disciplines that will train us and allow us to stand before God and hear what God has to say.

What spiritual disciplines am I going to adopt?
For me that will be contemplative meditation, which I sometimes pair with my running, and silent retreats. These work for me when I am determined to practice them.
What works for you … I’d love to hear in the comments?

Red, white or green

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This morning’s thought asks ‘what are you willing to give up?’ whilst adopting the Celtic Christian practice of thinking that lent calls for martyrdom.

I love how those Celts took a triune view of martyrdom with red being giving up your life, white being a major lifestyle change to follow God and with green being adopting a spiritual practice.

For the first time I’m seeing those martyrdoms from the other side. I have grown to adopt white and green into my life. The white has involved leaving a ‘career’ in education and taking roles, in the Christian world, which I felt called to. This is the traditional type question of asking what is God calling me to do and getting on with doing it.

The green I have adopted through practices that were started through previous Lent journeys which have become established in my life beyond Lent. For me this has been meditation and a program of silent retreats.

Following the brokenness that I alluded to yesterday, I find myself in the position that I can no longer do the white in the way I am used to. I have already given up roles and positions to follow God and I cannot currently continue in, or return to, that vein.

Currently I am settled in a new job which allows me to volunteer in a cause I am passionate about. It’s a job I absolutely love. I belong to a team that love to support each other and regularly call out great things seen in team members. I have a lot of fun and love what we do and I really wish I had found this place earlier. In the volunteering I can see, very clearly, how I am making a difference. All I have ever wanted to do is make a difference, and nothing major, just in my own little part of this amazing creation we live in and are part of.

Now …. And this is what has hit me today as I’ve mulled this stuff over ….. if God asked me to leave this job, and this volunteering, what would I do?

What would you do?

just dust …. or a whole lot more?

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This mornings thought from Celtic Lent has caused me to consider throughout today the ‘who am I’, ‘how was I created?’ question.
Were we created from dust, or were we created from a whole lot more?
Celtic christianity has a beautiful story of us not just being created from dust (and to dust we shall return) but that we, or strictly speaking, Adam, was created from earth, sea, sun, clouds, wind, stones and the light of the world.

I totally love that! The idea of being created from all aspects of creation. If that is so it explains the resonance many feel towards the rest of creation. If that is so it means humankind is inextricably liked with the whole of creation, and not just placed alongside to be a steward. Creation is broken, which isn’t a surprise as humankind is broken. We are part of creation and creation is part of us.

Over the last few years I have been experiencing a time of being broken. Thats another story for another time but I can share now that it hurt.
I have needed to be recreated.
Rebuilt.
Restored.
Being smashed into tiny pieces, like a really complicated jigsaw, obviously takes great time and effort to fix.
Only God has the patience and ability to do that.

I am not there yet. But I will be!

During my contemplation today I was reminded of the practice of Kintsugi.
Slowly I am allowing God to rebuild me.
Like someone that fixes a broken vase.
God has started the work, has continued today and will do more tomorrow.
As there are so many little pieces to fix back together God is needing to use a lot of gold.
Today, that simple thought reminds me that despite everything, I am precious to my creator.
So are you.