It has been an interesting weekend with a mixture of stuff going on to reflect on.
There was the excitement of having the house to myself while the rest of the family are away. The silence of a house which needs a family to make it home. The fun of setting up camp with those staying at Detling. The pleasure of eating Chinese food with friends. The joy of seeing Gills win the opening game of the season. The frustration with people angry over a temporary change in the BCP eucharist service. The helplessness while watching images of riots in London on the TV screen. The disappointment of upsetting people. The emotion of watching Lovely Bones.
It seems I packed a lot of emotion into this weekend!
Being home alone is a pretty unique experience for me and is probably only the second time this has happened. I hope to use the time to reflect, to read and reflect some more, as well as to really take time to think seriously about how things are going, what I should be doing in the future and where things like the gathering seem to be leading.
I want to hold all of that though in the sentiment and attitude of the Thomas Morton prayer I drew attention to last week. So I am kind of seeking direction while being fairly comfortable with the mystery in which God seems to often chose to leave us. I am conscious, however, that over the last few months time alone and quiet with God has all but disappeared due to changing circumstances … and so a concerted effort to re-develop a good habit is needed. I intend to try and spend some time sitting and thinking, or ‘hanging out’ with God. I think I am going to have to work at creating this space to ‘ponder’.
One reflection after 3 years of doing what I do is the mild frustration I experience with people that still don’t seem to get it. There is always a pressure, some feel, to do, to create, to act, to be proactive, to get ‘out there’ … but the waiting rather than racing ahead, the watching rather than doing, the joining in rather than creating, the listening rather than speaking and the serving are the places where I see sparks of the divine. I fail to be able to express the joy I experience when I notice those Godly moments; but I can say I hunger to see them more and more.
So over the next few days I expect to miss the family a little bit, I expect to see some friends, and I expect to spend time in that contemplative way, not necessarily looking for answers but creating that space so that I can have a greater chance of being led by God in what I do – all the while realising there are no guarantees here!