So … that was it … another Fathers Day.
I am blessed with 3 children that love me that today have been lovely.
This morning they presented me with a bottle of malt whisky – they know me so well!

I always have mixed feelings on this day.
I love it when my children want to make this day special, but there is always a ‘space’ or ‘hollowness’ knowing my natural father is out there but does not want to hear from me.
On days like today I think about God as father.
It should be enough.
But in honesty it isn’t.

I have heard a lot in church over the years on how to cope with this:
rely on God
allow the pain to be taken by Him
remember God is my father
acknowledge God loves me as I am
be satisfied that Jesus understands
and be positive and realise
everything works for the good

But it does not really help
on this particular day of the year
Instead of coping I experience
sadness
anger
pain
Instead of coping I fail
to understand
see the good
or thank God

I share this today as I know I am not unique in this situation.
I’ve experienced years of guilt forced upon me by well meaning books, speakers and attitudes.
I’m sharing this today as I believe it is ok to feel crappy today
God understands and I don’t think God wants us to pretend everything is ok!

so – if it helps, there is no need to feel guilty for feeling emptiness today – its ok, its natural and a phase. But … its important it remains a phase and we don’t allow it to be consuming, because we should be consumed by God alone.