the scars of remembrance

Following from my post yesterday I received a comment which pointed to <a href="http://virtualteahouse.com/blogs/ann/archive/2008/03/18/the-one-armed-bandit.aspx
“>this post which shares further the feelings of the weakness of humanity and useless-ness when things go wrong. Thanks Beth for pointing me to this.

It seems apt to be thinking of suffering on the evening of Maundy Thursday. I would never want to parallel my suffering with that of Jesus. It does strike me today, however, that my pain and that of Ann’s came unexpectedly and we had to get on with it. In fact that’s a present term – we have to get on with it.

Jesus did not have the luxury of unexpected pain. He knew what was going to happen, was aware of the pain he was about to endure and I can’t imagine the mental anguish that must have caused beforehand. How long before did he know? Did he always know? If so, did he sleep – or was it always there nagging away at him, tormenting him. I have not really thought about that before and I’m glad I don’t know about the pain that is coming towards me.

While thinking on the passion and the ‘story of the season’ it seems that we have forgotten all about suffering and the consequences. I have just been putting some final things together for Living Hope and was struck by the scene in John 20 where Jesus meets Thomas and asks him to put his finger and hands into his wounds.

The risen Jesus is alive but wounded. The pain may have disappeared but the marks that caused the pain are still an everyday reminder. Because of the reminder there is still pain. The pain may diminish and be forgotten but on seeing the scars there is a constant reminder of the pain that occurred.

Today I chatted with a friend and we shared that we struggle with forgiving people who hurt us in childhood. As I reflect on this passage I wonder whether forgiveness has happened (which, if so, I am surprised by!) but that I have just not noticed it because I expected the scars and the evidence of that pain to disappear. I think I have been led to believe in the pst that this would happen …. but I look to Jesus and think that if the evidence of his pain is still with him today then why should I expect any different for myself?

my weak humanity


Today was a day of great tasks and plans. YFC are good to me in giving me half a day a week to study for SEITE. Today the plan was to get a large part of my placement report from Harvest written up so that I could start on the other assignment which is looking at the role of the Holy Spirit in the creation of Christian communities.

As I was making a coffee at about 8.30am I felt my back muscles start to contract across the middle of my back and within minutes I was unable lying on the floor in agony and unable to move. This has to go down as the most painful experience in my life to date – even more so than being run over in Bristol!

There is something very humbling about having to call to your 14 year old son as you can’t reach the painkillers which are centimetres out of your reach. I don’t know what would have happened if Tom had not been home today due to teacher training that’s an interesting thought!

I was forced to lay on the floor for just over an hour until the drugs started to relax the muscles and then was able to get back to my feet although only able to walk carefully around the house. Sometimes sitting is good, and sometimes moving is good, or lying or whatever!

My humanity, or the frailty of my humanity, caused my plans to change today. I have achieved a fraction of what I should have achieved and I am feeling a bit peeved over how I am going to fit stuff in now. Some people have said that this could be God calling me to slow down, others that this may be a form of spiritual attack – maybe its some or all of them, I’m unsure.

Today. though, yet again I find myself thinking how weak and useless I am without the power of God in my life. It’s easy to think I do my work and that I am good at what I do – whereas in reality I am nothing without God or the gifts he has given me to use for the Kingdom.

Today I have reflected upon that fact quite painfully and amidst the tears of pain today I was forced to cry out to God in a concrete way that I have not called out to God in a very long time. This was a cry out of my pain and panic of a need for God’s action now in substantive way rather than some theoretical hope which is where a lot of my prayer seems to have gone recently.

I am currently praying for the pain to ease and healing to occur – particularly before we set up for Living Hope after the meditation around the cross on Good Friday. Please feel free to join with that prayer!

SEITE open evenings

SEITE, the college I have been studying with for the last 3 years, is soon to hold some open evenings. It’s also one of the few colleges that offers a pathway for Ordained Pioneer Ministry which I have been a bit of a guinea pig on. It’s a good course, but also demanding!

SEITE is hosting three Open Evenings in the summer term from 5:30pm so that you can meet some staff and students and check out for yourself what studying at SEITE might be like. These are scheduled for:

Monday 2nd June at the University of Kent at Medway
Tuesday 3rd June at Southwark Cathedral, in the Gary Weston Library
Tuesday 10thJune at Southwark Cathedral, in the Gary Weston Library

To book yourself into an Open Evening, please contact the administrator who will send you directions and all other necessary information administrator@seite.co.uk 01634 846683

Wake Up

Up and coming new indie band Lo-Star have just released their debut single in support of the Burma Campaign UK. Their new song ‘Wake Up’ was written by the band to tell the world that it’s time to take action on Burma. The profits from the single will be donated to the Burma Campaign UK to help us in our work for human rights and democracy in Burma.

The Daily Star has named it their single of the week, saying, “We should all still go out and buy it. Why? Because all the proceeds go to the Burma Campaign. Fortunately, it sounds quite lovely too. The lyrics “We gotta wake up, we’ve got to realise that something needs to be done” sound all the more poignant alongside the affecting video of the protesting Burmese people.”

Download the single now and help raise money for the Burma Campaign.
You can buy the single on iTunes:

Simply to sing a song about freedom and democracy in Burma is an arrestable offence, with a penalty of up to 20 years in jail. While the Burmese people are silenced, the rest of the world can speak out.

Watch the video here

Wake Up is available in the shops from March 24th.

Thanks for your support.

Anna Roberts
The Burma Campaign UK

tired but buzzing

I’ve just returned home from a very long day in Basingstoke.
Despite the long day and tiredness, I’m buzzing so I can’t sleep quite yet.
This morning 25 church leaders turned out to hear about how they could support Basingstoke YFC, and this evening around 19 youth leaders came to a similar meeting. It was exciting to see so may people turn out because they care about the young people in their area.

I can’t help but feel privileged to have been part of today as we have heard of great dreams and a desire to work together to reach young people. It’s exciting, too, to see Luella the director being used powerfully by God to get things moving – and today she made some amazingly valuable contacts.

Exciting things are happening and are going to continue to happen in this town.

Living Hope


We are trying something new at St Marks this coming Saturday, which will be Easter Eve. I have taken a rough ‘stations of the resurrection’ outline and asked various individuals and groups to interpret a particular biblical scene of the resurrection and illustrate it through a media of their choice.

I have been impressed and surprised by the take-up and there is going to be a great range of creativity on display. Someone is producing a cartoon image, someone else a poem (which I had the pleasure of reading today and is superb), another person is writing a song, someone else painting … the list continues. Individuals, friends and family groups are being creative.

If you are in the Medway area why not pop in this Saturday – or if you think you would like to contribute please feel free to get in touch as it’s never too late!

canon law cn be fun!!!! (or what have they done to me!)

I’ve just completed another SEITE weekend and the end of the course is now scarily in sight.
This weekend we were looking at issues with Canon Law and although that sounds bring it was actually a very interesting weekend and I learnt quite a lot of good practical stuff. I’ve arrived home pretty tired now though!
It was also an excellent weekend for catching up with friends – and for grabbing a great curry on Saturday afternoon.

Swindon YFC role

another good job worth looking at – this time with Swindon YFC:

SENIOR SCHOOLS WORKER
We are looking to appoint a Senior Schools Worker to join our innovative team of workers. Applicants will help de-velop our exciting and growing work in local secondary schools and colleges and support various initiatives to involve, encourage and reach out to the young people in our town.
The successful candidate will be somebody who has: A lively Christian faith and calling to youth ministry An ability to relate to and communicate the gospel effectively to young people The skills to plan & deliver assemblies, lessons, & lunch clubs and develop pre-exclusion work, mentoring, chaplaincy and
an extended schools programme Skills to lead, inspire and develop our volunteers and year out team
Pay will be in the range of £18.5-£20.2k according to experience. An application form & job description can be obtained from:
Swindon Youth for Christ, P.O. Box 2352, Swindon, Wiltshire, SN2 1WE
Tel: 01793 829795 Email: office@syfc.org.uk
Closing date: 25th April 2008

Do you have time?

Maggie has been blogging excellent about the Archbishops being in Cambridge. There has been a lot of good stuff so if you have not read it you should have a look. This post in particular shows how privileged we are in having our Archbishops.

a mad few days

It’s been a mad few days which has left little time for blogging, or reflecting on what is going on around me at the moment. It’s also been an important few days.

On Tuesday I met with good friends. I met up with a friend for lunch, had a tutorial with another and then a couple of pints. As we sat and chatted I realised how disconnected I have felt recently being on placement and rushing from one task or meeting to another.

Last night I became chair of governors of a local school that, when I thought about it, realised I have been connected with since 1996 – it’s amazing how the time has flown! I’m looking forward to this new role and hoping I will be able to support and challenge well.

Today I met up with great people from the diocese 2 of who will be supervising me from September and 2 who are responsible fro my ongoing training. This was a good time as people were honest – I was told to get off my high horse which I need to hear sometimes! It was refreshing to hear as well! I’m excited about September (if a bit daunted still by the whole ordination thing) but I can see the diocese are really putting in masses of effort to gt this to work.

IN between those meetings and experiences I have manged to get loads of YFC admin tasks and phone calls done that have been hanging there and screaming for attention.

In all a mad few days but a good few days.

image from faceupstudio.com/blahg