Hi. I’m back and Falcon Camp was great and I will talk more about that later.

I want to talk instead about a comment made by Helen on my last post before I went away. In that comment Helen outlines she has been thinking about getting involved in children’s work but does not feel, in my paraphrase if I am hearing her right, good enough!!!

I wonder if this is common as I have come across this with people before. People that feel they cannot possibly get involved as their lives are not fantastic witnesses, that they can’t give 100% all the time etc. etc.

It strikes me that maybe this is the fault of others like myself, ie current leaders. So many of us like to give the impression that we are in control of what is happening, that we are very happy and sorted, and that ministry of any sort is always going well and we never have any doubts. For many of us to outline or suggest we are struggling would be seen as a big failure to ourselves personally.

I don’t know why, but we seem to need to give the impression that our lives are perfect, that we are certain where we are going, that we have no major struggles or ever question God and that everyhting is hunky dory! We put on the fixed evangelical worship leader type star studded smile!!!

I want to say right here and right now that I think that is a load of tosh! It is hard to say but I do struggle a lot with what God has called me to do. Lots of times come to mind when I have screamed at God to ask someone else and let me have an easy life. There have been times when I have cried because I simply did not want to go on. Yes there have been exciting times, but there have been flipping hard ones too.

I’ve thought about this and I think in my Christian ministry 80% has been very hard graft where I have often questioned ‘why am I doing this’ while 20% has been incredibly exciting and I have gone home buzzing. I guess that 20% equates to roughly one day a week! It is that 20% that has been the motivator to carry on alongside of course my faith and belief in my calling.

So …Helen and others please do not think you have to be sorted, happy, love the task all the time, or simply perfect for God to be able to use you. I believe it is in our honest broken inadequate selves that God can use the most powerfully because it is then, when we know (if we are honest!) we will fail on our own, that God can have a major impact.

That is exciting to experience and see.