As a follow up from my last post the man I had agreed to meet did not show. There could be a number of reasons for this – I assumed he knew where the cathedral was, he may have got held up in work, he may have lost courage, God may have brought someone else into his life.

While I sat and waited in the cathedral for an hour I reflected on how I was feeling. In the past I would have felt frustration at the no-show, maybe even a small amount of anger. The frustration would have its heart in my desperation to see lives transformed and believing I had some key role in that. The anger would come from a badly arrogant view that I was important and this (usually young) person was simply wasting my time.

On Tuesday I felt neither and still feel neither. As I wait more and more I seem to be understanding just a little that God does the work, not me. Not only does God do the work, but God also controls the time. God caused this man to cross my path on Friday and ask for a time to chat, God will do that again and my role is simply to understand that it is about the other person and God and not really a lot to do with me.

It’s amazing but I feel a massive sense of privilege, even in the no-show. While waiting I was chatting with God, asking him for wisdom, asking to be prepared, asking for God to work through me in this conversation. I can’t put my finger on it, but an hour with God will have changed me in some way, so despite the fact this gentlemen never showed up, the conversation was still one of transformation.

I have no worries about meeting this man again, or of missed opportunity. God brought us together once for an encounter. We can never know what God does through such encounters, but we do know that if God chooses to bring us together again it will happen.

What I am focusing in on slowly is that it is really hard to let God. We sing of God being Lord, God being in control, God pulling things together, God causing things to happen … and yet sitting back and giving God the time to do that is really very very difficult. There is an unwritten pressure to have outcomes, to see results, to actually plan to do something.

I am very fortunate here in that the Dean and Chapter and the Diocese are giving me space to look, observe and try to discover what God is doing and then respond to that and join in with it. This takes time and space and I’m very conscious of how privileged I am.