I realise that I have not spoken a lot recently about the pioneering work that I am supposed to be doing. The main reason for this is that there is not a lot to talk about. The ‘waiting’ business I am involved in is just that … waiting. I ‘wait’ in a variety of places, pray, chill, loiter with intent …. there are a variety of terms that might spruce it up a bit, but the bottom line is I am waiting.

As we approach Advent I am looking forward to this season in a new way. The season of Advent and its emphasis on waiting for the Christ Child, for signs of the Kingdom, for evidence of God will have a different emphasis for me this year.

Things are moving very slowly, which is what I had expected. I had not expected, however, how frustrated this would leave me feeling on occasions. Nor had I counted on the feelings of uselessness that I would personally experience as I return home each day lacking that sense of achievement that I so loved after I met various targets when working with Youth For Christ. I also had not really registered how tough it is to keep returning to the same places, day in day out, seeing the same faces and experiencing the same various reactions in their eyes which span from negative to positive.

A while ago I met with Gordon Oliver, who is the Bishops Officer for training, and we chatted a lot about pioneering. Gordon shared from his holiday how he went into the wilderness in north America and happened upon an old pioneers hut. He was on a fishing trip, alone, in the middle of nowhere where very few people had been. He was convinced that he was the first person to walk across certain bits of land.

Pioneers go where no one else has been, pioneers travel alone and live quite a lonely existence for a large part of the time. They have basic tools and rely a lot on their instincts (Christian pioneers rely on the Holy Spirit as well!) In fact, a lot of people look at the pioneers of the past looking for Gold, or new settlements, and just ask and wonder ‘why?’ Pioneers can be misunderstood, not in a bad way – its just that others don’t really ‘get’ what you are trying to achieve.

Pioneers can be seen as heroic type figures, but I don’t think that’s the case. In fact if I am a pioneer, then I know bravery is not part of the deal as I am one of the biggest cowards there is – any sign of trouble and I will run!

It’s not about courage at all. Rather than courage, I have a mix of frustration and dream. I experience frustration with the church that I love in the way it tries to relate to people but is unwilling to look at itself with any great seriousness which might involve a change of some description. The main motivation, though, is the dream from God. I have a dream of how things could be – a diverse, inclusive, authentic community united in their worship and love of God and each other. A community that takes its faith seriously to the extent that lifestyles are changed because of it. A community that will stand for love and justice not for any aim, but simply because that is what Jesus did.

In a sense I’m dreaming of gold like those pioneers of the past – and I’m going to keep waiting and digging until I find it.