At times I love listening to Eminem. Ok – some people may say some of the swearing in his lyrics leave a lot to be desired. I don’t think I agree. Much of the language is real, contemporary and an authentic expression of the reality of life. Sometimes the swearing may be there to shock, sometimes it is there as pure gritty expression.

Recently Radio 1 were playing a lot of his tracks and one track in particular, the Real Slim Shady, caused me to think and smile. The track has the line ‘will the real Slim Shady please stand up’. Following on from my post, 2 worlds, last week it made me smile to think I am asking a similar question of myself at the moment.

Will the real Rob Ryan please stand up!

Being alone, having time, thinking, dreaming, contemplating, praying, walking with God, running ahead of God … all of this ‘stuff’ is causing me to ask; ‘will the real Rob Ryan please stand up!’ Is the real me the robed deacon on a Sunday, is it the pastor to people in wetherspoons during the week, is is another gym user, is it a chaplain, is is a pioneer looking to develop something new, is it an observer of life, a friend of people, is it a dad, a husband, a friend.

Those are the public faces of the real Rob Ryan. But there are also the hidden, devious, selfish, indulgent, bad habit parts of identity which only those really close to me see, and maybe even only God see’s the real real authentic me.

My brain has space, and so ideas and questions are now starting to flow. Today I met with Brother Colin who is starting to speak wise words into my life. The voyage of discovery I am on is not just about discovering what will happen, but it is also about discovering who I really am in Jesus Christ. By that I mean what difference does my relationship with the creator make to who I am, because this relationship who am I in a real and everyday sense.

In reality, until now, my identity has been drawn from what I do and the role and responsibility I carry. Now that most of that has been stripped away I am released, in a way, to re-discover who I am. I am rediscovering my identity based on who I am rather than what I do.

It is quite an interesting, and sometimes painful, journey.