Today I think I have started to hit a wall. I’m an active person, I’m a person who likes to be doing stuff and I think I have a mind that lovers to struggle with problems and find a way ahead.

Currently my days are consisting of wandering around the High Street, sitting in places so I am making myself present to people. I am starting to ask myself, however, how long can I sit, wait, just be there (whether ‘there’ is High Street, bench, pub, coffee shop) before I just look plain odd. It is becoming harder to pull myself on to the street and, to be honest, I am quite relieved that today I have a study day it will give a chance to do some reading and mull over these questions I have.

I am aware that I may sound a little daft and impatient – after all I have only been ordained for 11 days and I never ever expected anything to start to ‘happen’ for a good 4-6 months. I am also aware that just by being present in places that I am a visible presence or reminder of God in a similar way that the Cathedral indicates the presence of God to the city. But … I guess now that I am in the position of being available and searching for evidence of God’s missional working a number of doubts are bombarding my mind from all directions. I guess it’s a case of a very active mind playing games when it has nothing of substance yet to really to occupy it.

So, I stand at the wall. I’ve been here before but there have always been places to hide before such as team issues to sort, essays to write, people to visit. I’ll be here again. It’s not a great place to be. Currently I feel like it’s just me and God ‘out there’ and that is something I need to get used to for the time being.

I am praying for 6 people to join me. I believe I need to continue to pray until I somehow bump into these 6 people or they bump into me; people who want to discover more of God but believe that church is not what they are looking for. Actually – just writing this stuff is quite therapeutic (it may be boring for you!) as I’ve just realised all I am asking God for is 6 people … that’s a pretty simple request isn’t it? At the moment my task needs to be allowing God to lead me … sounds simple but in reality it’s a challenge.

I’m at the wall … but I’m searching for a window.