Following from my post yesterday I received a comment which pointed to <a href="http://virtualteahouse.com/blogs/ann/archive/2008/03/18/the-one-armed-bandit.aspx
“>this post which shares further the feelings of the weakness of humanity and useless-ness when things go wrong. Thanks Beth for pointing me to this.

It seems apt to be thinking of suffering on the evening of Maundy Thursday. I would never want to parallel my suffering with that of Jesus. It does strike me today, however, that my pain and that of Ann’s came unexpectedly and we had to get on with it. In fact that’s a present term – we have to get on with it.

Jesus did not have the luxury of unexpected pain. He knew what was going to happen, was aware of the pain he was about to endure and I can’t imagine the mental anguish that must have caused beforehand. How long before did he know? Did he always know? If so, did he sleep – or was it always there nagging away at him, tormenting him. I have not really thought about that before and I’m glad I don’t know about the pain that is coming towards me.

While thinking on the passion and the ‘story of the season’ it seems that we have forgotten all about suffering and the consequences. I have just been putting some final things together for Living Hope and was struck by the scene in John 20 where Jesus meets Thomas and asks him to put his finger and hands into his wounds.

The risen Jesus is alive but wounded. The pain may have disappeared but the marks that caused the pain are still an everyday reminder. Because of the reminder there is still pain. The pain may diminish and be forgotten but on seeing the scars there is a constant reminder of the pain that occurred.

Today I chatted with a friend and we shared that we struggle with forgiving people who hurt us in childhood. As I reflect on this passage I wonder whether forgiveness has happened (which, if so, I am surprised by!) but that I have just not noticed it because I expected the scars and the evidence of that pain to disappear. I think I have been led to believe in the pst that this would happen …. but I look to Jesus and think that if the evidence of his pain is still with him today then why should I expect any different for myself?