I have been having a little think recently about friendships and the result, or effects, of friendships on disagreements, different ways of doing things and so on.

This conversation started last week on the SEITE weekend when we were acknowledging that it’s both good and interesting to see that we all get on so well as a year group despite our very different church backgrounds. It seems that we have developed friendships with each other as people, and our church-personship has been very secondary in this process.

Along the way we have had great and sometimes heated discussions. I remember a time at last years Easter school in the pub after a veneration of the cross service. The discussion got heated, but not once did we lose the respect of each other. More importantly, we did not lose the friendship of each other. I think the fact we were already developing strong friendships enabled open discussions to occur without offence being the result.

I have just got around to reading last weeks Church Times, and there Giles Fraser (the first article I normally go to) writes on the same subject:

If Christians, and specifically Anglicans, spent more time developing friendships with each other, we would be so much less willing to press the self destruct button at the first sign of disagreement. A bit more in vino veritas down the bar a bit less manipulation through mini sermons masquerading as intercessions.

Giles Fraser goes on to say that one of the crises of the church is that clergy have not spent time investing in friendships with each other. I think he is right. I don’t agree with all my SEITE colleagues in how they do things and in particular views, but I do value their friendship. As individuals they are important to me. If we value friends it is harder to say ‘if you don’t like the church leave it’ and gives the energy and inspiration for the drive needed to ensure that we can continue to work together in the wider church.

SEITE enables this to happen more than maybe other, more narrow church based colleges, might be able to do. At SEITE we are good, no exceptionally good, at ‘vino veritas down the bar’ – now we can continue in that custom knowing that we are protecting and promoting the long term health of the Church of England!