I met with Don Brewin of SOMA today to talk about the intricacies of the team going to Kenya. The opportunity is great and spending time with youth workers in Kenya will be a real privilege.
But … the best way I can sum up my feelings at the moment are of total confusion – so if you have a spare moment please offer up a prayer for me!
Currently I am in this weird place where part of me wants to go and feels a little excited, (after all, who would not be excited over being invited to go to Kenya unexpectedly!)but a larger part of me feels uneasy and does not want to go at all. It’s weird as everyone seems to be totally convinced I should be going -everyone that is, apart from me.
To make things worse, the more I think, the more I feel I don’t wish to do this. Is this just a bad reaction to myself being taken right out of my comfort zone, or is this the prompting of the Spirit to stay put? Is my ‘not wanting to go’ a good enough reason for not going? Should the fact that I have been invited and have the time in my diary at least (well we never have the time for more stuff in reality!) and ability mean that I should go anyway?
Not to be flippant, but the words of that great Clash song come to mind; and trouble and double concern me!
Ah well … here’s back to more thinking – I think I have until Friday to make a final decision.
The Shiny Headed Prophet 
If you’re in a quandry yourself, what do those nearest and dearest to you think? The ones who will miss you daily when you’re not there, who would be most affected if something disastrous happened and you never came back (sorry – that’s probably not setting your mind at ease!) and who will gain most if you come back richer for the experience.
So I’ve just returned from the SomaUK team at Soul Nairobi – know what you feel about all the mingled anticipation/uncertainty!It was great but the reality wasn’t what we expected in lots of ways – which is why I enjoyed it!The team struggling each night with disappointment, and dealing with it together was a real highlight. So go…it’s the journey ,not the arriving that its all about!